WonderingInMo Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Well things haven't really changed at all since the last time i posted on here and i am still wondering whats going on. She says that she is going to leave but still is in the house. even as i am writing this she is laying on the bed across the room. i have tried to tell her everything that i possibly can but still no change in whats going on. she hasn't even left when i told her what she did not want to hear. everytime i bring up our kids and the impact that this is going to have she just yells at me and tells me to quit dragging the kids into this. it seems to me that she only thinking of herself and no one else. I know deep down that our "R" is over but it wont go away it stays along as she does. I want her back and to be happy with me more than anything but she is just sitting here in limbo telling me what she is "gonna" do not what she is doing.
ARDriver01 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Dude, brother. Is she holding on extra tight to her cell phone? Is she getting away from you ie: walks, bathroom etc... Try to get that phone. I came home to a very unenthusiastic/accusing wife last time I deployed and two weeks later I figured it out. If this is the case. (that's not a big if). Then you can both grieve and move forward in life. It needs to come out already. There are no secrets between married couples even in the final hours of a marriage. I'm sorry brother, I really am. Try not to let the kids see you broken. Do you have good friends? NOT DRINKING BUDDIES!!! No booze dude, not ever. Get some support man, church is amazing. I wasn't able to church it given my circumstance, but I could of been alot better by now. Are you religious?
Author WonderingInMo Posted July 24, 2007 Author Posted July 24, 2007 I already know who she is talking to on the phone. Just a few friends that i know too. I love to think in my mind that there is no one else and im sticking next to that. i know that everything that i have been taught by my career in the military and in law enforcement is that she is cheating on me. If that were the case i would think that she would be gone and not just hanging out.
ARDriver01 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 My wife hung out. I'm just saying, you might want to get the phone away from her and check it out. You say you're still wondering, are you wondering what I'm wondering about this situation? I would tell my friends in the desert (when my life and marriage seemed oh so good) that this was one thing I was so glad I never had to worry about. I didn't think, I knew my wife was honest. She was in chuch most of the time and so loving and kind to me. I thought she was an angel, a real angel. And then I came home to a very, very different person. I thought she was just so churched out that sleeping with guy in her bed made her feel funny. I thought wrong. I think it's important for you to know. I think you deserve to be treated like a human being and let in on what's going on with her. I don't think you've been so bad that she can just leave you in ignorance. It's rude of her to do that to you. I don't think you deserve to be treated like scum. So you have a problem with drinking. You're still her husband. You deserve an explanation and I can't think of any reason other than an affair that would keep her from explaining herslef. Are you getting enough sleep? How's your eating?
Author WonderingInMo Posted July 24, 2007 Author Posted July 24, 2007 My sleeping is **** i dont eat and i am having a problem functioning at work. I left today i told her that i was not gonna sit around and watch her leave me. she just got mad at me and told me if i wasnt going to be home in the morning to watch the kids she is taking them to a baby sitter and i am paying for it. She is only happy and wants to be civil when it is benefiting her.
Author WonderingInMo Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 O great now she is talking about taking full custody of the kids and trying to make me pay out the azz for child support. any suggestions on how to keep this from happeneing other than getting a good lawyer?
taralee Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 glad you found some people to talk to on here since apparently i won't talk to you. if you want to tell people what is going on why did you leave out the fact that we HAVE talked about this. i was going to leave you after you smacked me across the face after we had an argument and you had too much to drink last summer. and how you promised to never drink again if i gave you another chance. and how you broke that promise over and over again and LIED about it. how you came home a few weeks back stumbling in at 3 a.m. with a condom in your pocket. and now you can't figure out why i am leaving. why do i want to pack up and leave? it MUST be because i have found someone else!! give me a break.
taralee Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 and furthermore i have been trying to be civil with you and all you can do is try to make this harder on me and give me a taste of what it will be like when you're not around. like how i should figure out what to do with the kids tomorrow while i go to work and you would normally be watching them. hello...i have not moved yet so therefore they aren't in daycare yet. and how i shouldn't touch the money in our bank account blah blah blah. i don't care about any of that you are just trying to make this harder for what reason...so i am forced to stay?
LakesideDream Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Both sides of the story on the same thread... hasn't happened in awhile. Why don't the two of you try communicating? Talking is overrated. Talking at each other is useless. Communicate. Listen to each other. Here's a hint. When one of you is talking, the other should be listening with an open mind, not a mind full of responses itching to get your own opinion out. It's impossible to listen when you are busy formulating a response. Good Luck.
Trialbyfire Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 The other side of this is, if there's a dysfunctional relationship, should you hold onto it? If there's physical abuse, yelling and screaming, remaining together isn't a healthy way to raise children.
Ladyjane14 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 People CAN change... but you can't change other people. If what your wife is telling us is accurate, Wondering, she's got no basis for believing that you are willing to make real and long lasting changes. Actions speak louder than words, right? Thus far, your actions have prioritized YOU rather than the family as a whole. Here's the formula for you, Tara: Words + Actions = The Truth Words - Actions = Bullsh*t Now, you two have children together and a history, if I'm not mistaken, that goes back to your school days. There ought to be enough invested to give you both pause. But even if the marriage can't be saved, your shared children and your shared history should be valuable enough to BOTH of you that you work together in order to make a healthy transition. Consider getting into some counseling. If not Marriage Counseling, then do Family Counseling for the sake of learning co-parenting skills and better methods of communications.
ARDriver01 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Hey, guys. You're here now, and you should both be in counseling. Do it for the kids. Get all this crap out with a third party. I know that if H doesn't quit drinking, he will loose everything. I think you both should give this a good go. Counseling and maybe some time apart to really adapt to being alone. You could go to counseling every week or two go over current events and go back to alone time. In time maybe you could start dating again when you're both healthy and clear minded. Dude. if it's your marriage is so important to you, you need to prove to her that you can get dry. Sobriety is awsome. You will never feel better. You'll be a better man for it. She's mad. Really mad. Accept that and do better.
Author WonderingInMo Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 I haven't had a drink in over a month...... i wont drink again as far as im concerned.
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