bish Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 That's what I found strange as well. Why keep asking to talk to her friend? ... because she came home only to dump her kids off on her sister so she could go to another city to visit some phantom "friend". I wouldn't like being used by someone like that to watch their kids while they went off doing whatever with condoms in their suitcase. And people keep saying that finding condoms in the suitcase doesn't mean anything. Ok then....she is away from her husband...there are condoms in her suitcase...what do you think she was gonna do with them? Fill them with helium, put a string on them and let her kids play with them? There is absolutely NO REASON for condoms to be in her suitcase while on a trip without her husband unless she thought she might need to use them.
Trialbyfire Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 How about the fact that this woman makes her sister watch her kids while she goes off to fornicate with someone other than her husband. When her sister's story just doesn't add up and she avoids things like telling her who she was with...that is what made her suspicious enough to look for something. Otherwise, the next time this tramp decides she wants to go off with condoms in her suitcase to another city....she can find someone else to watch her kids. The OP is a guy. Don't know if you have a sister but what in the world would make you go through her suitcase? I think there's more here than the OP has stated. To take an excerpt in time and say, well, should I tell, at least in this situation, needs a little more explanation that what has been posted. It simply doesn't add up and I'm not going to try to fill in the blanks with my imagination.
quankanne Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 You need to get in her face, tell her that you dont know whats going on but if she can't explain the situation 110% to your satisfaction that your going to tell her Husband everything you have seen and heard. Nothing but the facts. Come on, this is your sister you should know if this is something she is capable of. If you really love her then you have to confront her on this. I fully agree – as a sibling, you have a bit more incentive to help her stay on the straight and narrow in her marriage. Especially if you have strong suspicion that she's doing something that will harm her family emotionally and physically (sharing STD's with her husband in particular). By not speaking up, she will get it in her head that you condone her behavior, when the opposite is true. caring for her kids while she's possibly out for a f--kfest with someone who is not her husband is ample reason to ask to talk to her "friend" and to go through her suitcase. It's not like he's doing it to be an *ss, but to help her from making bad decisions, especially when she's sucking him into the situation by asking for childcare. other thought is that once BiL busts his wife screwing around, and realizes that the OP didn't do anything to help her save her marriage, he's gonna harbor some hard feelings about this. so yeah, show some tough love to her: If she's smart, she'll reconsider her behavior.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 You know alot of these replies are just CRAZY... "Get in her face" is applauded? She is an adult and she is being treated as a child...If you don't want to watch her kids unless she satisfies your controlling need to know exactly who she is with at any given moment, then don't... It's not your business...She may have an explanation and you (like many others on this forum) have just jumped to conclusions... Quite frankly if my sibling (which of course she would never do) demanded to talk to the friend I was with, I wouldn't pass the phone period, just out of spite and because I DON'T HAVE TO...And the suitcase? WTH? The condoms could have been in there from a previous trip...I never clean everything out of mine... Let me give you a piece of advice-You get in counseling now...You need to explore your need for control of your sister's life right down to the obsession and need to go through her personal things...If she was up to something, she wouldn't be calling all the time to check on the kiddos...She'd be too busy...
bish Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 You know alot of these replies are just CRAZY... "Get in her face" is applauded? She is an adult and she is being treated as a child...If you don't want to watch her kids unless she satisfies your controlling need to know exactly who she is with at any given moment, then don't... It's not your business...... Any lousy behavior this sister exhibits, in this case it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know she is cheating on her husband, that can and will detrimentally affect this siblings nieces/nephews IS their business. Or do you think as a brother/sister you should just sit idle by and watch your sister destroy her family by being an adulteress?
quankanne Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 you just don't stand by and watch a family member derail his or her life – I imagine there has been something else fishy going on for OP to be suspicious, that's not something you do out of the blue just 'cause you can. And he knows his sister better than any of us here in cyberspace do ...
lostboy60645 Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 You know, Billy Joel, despite his personal problems, is right about the truth. Honesty is still the best policy, but I'd think the way you approach your sister needs to be with love. I agree with the questions that have come up thus far: 1. Did you know the person she was in San Antonio with or were you doing some (obvious) snooping? 2. Do you think it's right to dig through your sister's suitcase? 3. What if you're wrong, and you this was all in your head? Being honest is going to get your personal 'craziness' about this out in the light. If you are honest and confront her that you violated a boundary and admit that you were wrong to do it, you can then tell her you'd like her to be honest about her trip. It's going to be humiliating for you to admit that going in the suitcase shouldn't have been an option, but it might be a foot in the door to help her come clean with you. Sorry you're going through it, bro. It must have been difficult when going up to that suitcase and deciding to dig through it. I suppose it was easier than confronting her face-to-face, but the clean-up for this issue is the most painful. Lostboy60645 http://www.livingsobriety.blogspot.com
dbtmarley Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I am going to throw a different spin here. I think you should tell... Yes you should tell!! You are not keeping to the Man Rule #7... See below: 5. Never wash dishes 6. Never let her spit IT out 7. Tell on mother, sister, and/or daughter if you should catch them cheating on some poor sap. **[/QUOTE] You are violating laws that stood through things like the Geneva Convention!! 6 & 7 was written by Winston Churchill himself. Get it together and make it right man! Thomas **Exceptions are/if man is your ex's husband**
enoughisenough Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Why don't you ask her what is going on? You really are making ginormous assumptions.You seem somewhat jealous of your sister for some reason; I can't find any other explanation on why you would want to do something so bad against her. She would probably never speak to you for a while.
quankanne Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I've reread the original post several times and fail to see anything that translates as jealousy. He may have a legitimate concern about his sister stepping out on her husband, but a large percentage of the posters are telling him that he's nuts, he's jealous, he's controlling, he needs counselling, etc. IF this had been a female posting her suspicions, there wouldn't be as much harping in the posts. like I said before, there could be other behavior of the sister that points to adultery that we haven't heard about, and he's trying to figure out how to approach her.
Trialbyfire Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I just want some background to fully understand the situation. No one out of the blue, decides to search a siblings suitcase, regardless if she doesn't want to let him talk to her friend(s).
GreenEyedLady Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I read a post on another cheaters web site yesterday. The woman had just found out that her husband had cheated on her. How did she find out? She was pregnant and went into premature labor because her hubby gave her an STD. She gave birth and her child died. So if maybe if someone had told her even their suspicions, maybe she and her child would have been spared. She is grieving not only the loss of her child, but the loss of a trusting marriage. What does it take for cheaters to realize that their actions kill, steal, and destroy.? Woulda, coulda, shoulda is a real STRETCH...And it's such an extreme story...sounds almost trollish to me...
GreenEyedLady Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Any lousy behavior this sister exhibits, in this case it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know she is cheating on her husband, that can and will detrimentally affect this siblings nieces/nephews IS their business. Or do you think as a brother/sister you should just sit idle by and watch your sister destroy her family by being an adulteress? Just because you were cheated on by your W, doesn't mean that every woman is a cheater... And you know what? I believe that there are boundaries that just can't be crossed... Your boundary is cheating...My boundary is betraying my blood... You can go to someone in love and tell them that you don't agree with their decision...But it's still THEIR decision in the end...
enoughisenough Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I've reread the original post several times and fail to see anything that translates as jealousy. He may have a legitimate concern about his sister stepping out on her husband, but a large percentage of the posters are telling him that he's nuts, he's jealous, he's controlling, he needs counselling, etc. IF this had been a female posting her suspicions, there wouldn't be as much harping in the posts. like I said before, there could be other behavior of the sister that points to adultery that we haven't heard about, and he's trying to figure out how to approach her. That's untrue because I thought he was FEMALE. So no it wouldn't be less severe. I still think HE has something against her and maybe just wants to get out of BABYsitting duty or whatever is bugging him.
bish Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Just because you were cheated on by your W, doesn't mean that every woman is a cheater..... I didn't say every woman is a cheater and I know not every woman is a cheater. Show me where I stated otherwise. And anyone with half a brain can see that this woman wasn't on a trip to San Antonio without cheating on her mind unless she is a open package condom saleswoman.
bish Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 That's untrue because I thought he was FEMALE. So no it wouldn't be less severe. I still think HE has something against her and maybe just wants to get out of BABYsitting duty or whatever is bugging him. Or maybe he despises cheating and someone dumping their kids off on him so they can go off and betray her husband and kids.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 God does make us our brothers keeper. What you call betrayal, I call loving my sibling enough to tell them when they are wrong. If they were about to walk into the path of an oncoming truck and be injured I would stop them. When they are about to walk into a decision that is about to cause them to be injured, I'm going to try to stop them..The key word is try, because you are correct is their decision. At the same time if I see someone else about to be hurt because of their decision I'm going to warn that person. If he saw his sister about to abuse her child, he should stop her. Why not stop her if she is about to abuse her husband? What you leave out is simply that we are not God-like. You propose to make decisions for other people based on assumptions about them, their actions and motivations. Since most of us have a hard time coming to terms with even our own actions, we are ill-positioned to judge someone else. Stay out of it... Mr. Lucky
Darth Vader Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 If her brother/sister, or whoever stays out of it, it would be condoning their sisters actions. If she was to get AIDS, she would give it to her husband, therefore, killing him! Now legally speaking, If a person has a good idea that a person is doing something, or is about to do something that would kill someone else(knowing that the person is serious about what they are doing), and the event happens, they helped to kill that person/s. That makes that person an accessory to the murder, because they knew they should've said something to prevent this. This person has to say something to her husband. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 If her brother/sister, or whoever stays out of it, it would be condoning their sisters actions. If she was to get AIDS, she would give it to her husband, therefore, killing him! Now legally speaking, If a person has a good idea that a person is doing something, or is about to do something that would kill someone else(knowing that the person is serious about what they are doing), and the event happens, they helped to kill that person/s. That makes that person an accessory to the murder, because they knew they should've said something to prevent this. This person has to say something to her husband. Well Darth, you are wrong. You're confusing a participant in the "crime" - for instance, the getaway driver in a robbery who is equally responsible should someone be killed - with someone who has hearsay knowledge. Legally, not the same thing. Ethically, that's what is being discussed here... Mr. Lucky
Darth Vader Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Well Darth, you are wrong. You're confusing a participant in the "crime" - for instance, the getaway driver in a robbery who is equally responsible should someone be killed - with someone who has hearsay knowledge. Legally, not the same thing. Ethically, that's what is being discussed here... Mr. Lucky Oh, so this persons supposed to just sit back, do nothing and wait for her to give her husband a disease, or get pregnant, or something. This person should at least ask their sister whats going on about the condoms. The fact it is not "Legally" the same thing doesn't surprise me at all, the courts and laws are crooked in some ways. Perhaps you could figure out a reason as to why she had the condoms in her luggage, we don't know how he/she found them, just that they were found. It does raise another question, how long has this been going on? By the way, I wonder why the poster hasn't posted back yet......... Could this even be a Troll? 1
Mr. Lucky Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Oh, so this persons supposed to just sit back, do nothing and wait for her to give her husband a disease, or get pregnant, or something. This person should at least ask their sister whats going on about the condoms. The fact it is not "Legally" the same thing doesn't surprise me at all, the courts and laws are crooked in some ways. Perhaps you could figure out a reason as to why she had the condoms in her luggage, we don't know how he/she found them, just that they were found. It does raise another question, how long has this been going on? By the way, I wonder why the poster hasn't posted back yet......... Could this even be a Troll? I agree the OP's absence is puzzling What eludes me here is the connection between the condoms and cheating. How does the OP know that his Sister and her H aren't temporarily using them for birth control? It just seems that many here are assumming the worst - maybe hanging around LS too much does that to you ? Were I in the same situation and it was my Sister confronting me, I'd have two comments for her: 1). Why are you snooping in my suitcase? 2). The answer to your questions are that it's none of your business! Mr. Lucky
Darth Vader Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I agree the OP's absence is puzzling What eludes me here is the connection between the condoms and cheating. How does the OP know that his Sister and her H aren't temporarily using them for birth control? It just seems that many here are assumming the worst - maybe hanging around LS too much does that to you ? Were I in the same situation and it was my Sister confronting me, I'd have two comments for her: 1). Why are you snooping in my suitcase? 2). The answer to your questions are that it's none of your business! Mr. Lucky If they are using them for birth control, why have them in the suitcase, why not leave them at home? Unless they traveled alot together, but still, to be taking a shower at someone elses place kinda clues you in as to why she was showering, Fingerprints, if ya know whadda mean! As far as the questions go 1. Well the suitcase just fell, and burst open! 2. It is my business if you leave your children with me to go ride another man! Anything else?
East of Jupiter Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Oh, so this persons supposed to just sit back, do nothing and wait for her to give her husband a disease, or get pregnant, or something. This person should at least ask their sister whats going on about the condoms. The fact it is not "Legally" the same thing doesn't surprise me at all, the courts and laws are crooked in some ways. Perhaps you could figure out a reason as to why she had the condoms in her luggage, we don't know how he/she found them, just that they were found. It does raise another question, how long has this been going on? By the way, I wonder why the poster hasn't posted back yet......... Could this even be a Troll? Condoms do not protect agains HPV which is at epidemic levels in this country. An affected area sheds cells which cling to other parts of the genetal area and is transfered via skin to skin contact during intercoure. Men's scrotum are particularly subject to carry these cells. These are microscopic and you would not be able to spot it. A vicious strain of HPV causes cancer in both men and women. Do an image search for HPV and you will never look at the risk the same again. And yes, it happens often. I know one BW who ended having a hysterctomy as a result of her husband's affair. Worse yet, I know for a fact her husband was back to cheating soon after her hystectomy. Sharing the wealth he was. That is the worst I have personally known of but I know of three BS who have gotten HPV. I can't imagine having sex with a MM without protection. He is having sex with another woman I don't know and who may herself be having sex with some other dude ... Like the old Breck Shampoo commercial ... I gave it to a friend ... who gave it to a friend.. who gave it to a friend ... P.S. - educate your children, friends and neighbors about HPV. You may save a woman's life.
East of Jupiter Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I read a post on another cheaters web site yesterday. The woman had just found out that her husband had cheated on her. How did she find out? She was pregnant and went into premature labor because her hubby gave her an STD. She gave birth and her child died. So if maybe if someone had told her even their suspicions, maybe she and her child would have been spared. She is grieving not only the loss of her child, but the loss of a trusting marriage. What does it take for cheaters to realize that their actions kill, steal, and destroy.? How terribly sad and tragic.
East of Jupiter Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I have had this same issue with one of my sisters. Sad to say, but my three sisters are all cheaters -- legacy of a womazing father. But I didn't know this until this issue came up. Her husband would come into our town when he travelled there and hang out with us. Mostly eat whatever dinner I made, use the spa and hang out with my husband. During one of his last visits, he told my husband how he and his best friend had a "code word" for when they were going out to pick up hookers. I agonized about this. My sister and I are a bit estranged. Mostly because we don't agree on things. Like her having EA's and my expressing how painful it was when my husband cheated. She accused me of being judgmental. But I have come to learn that when someone doesn't want to be talked out of something, they are closed to any logc or advice, no matter how kind or well intentioned. I finally talked to our brother about whether I should tell my sister and my fears of her getting an STD. He talked me out of it. He told me that she talks to him a lot and that she is also cheating on her husband. I still don't know if I did wrong or right. But I do know their marriage and what they are willing to put up with is none of my business. I honestly don't think there is a pat answer.
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