buzzie2 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 I really really like this guy and I'm pretty sure he likes me back. He's a good catch; he's funny, charismatic, good looking, has a good job, and he's nice to me. There is however one thing about him that turns me off, and that is that he's a smoker. I am a non smoker and hate the smell of smoke. Is it possible for this to work out between us if we did start dating? And what are your feelings on dating people that smoke if you don't?
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 is definitely a deal breaker for me... It would be a prerequisiste for a relationship... if he would really loves me, he would quit... simple. I will never ever put up with a smoker.
norajane Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Don't date him. You'll never accept that he smokes, and he's not likely to just quit all of a sudden if he hadn't been thinking about it. If you go out with him, you'll just make him feel like a leper if you're always wrinkling your noise and expressing your disapproval and making him go outside to smoke when you're at his place, and not wanting to be at his place because it smells like smoke and yadda yadda yadda. And feeling like a leper is not going to make him want to be around you. And you're not going to want to be around him. Or, he might try to appease you by quitting, but then if he slips up or can't quite do it, then he's going to be sneaking around smoking behind your back, and you'll know because you'll be able to smell it... If you can't deal with it, just forget the whole thing.
zoe1983 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 I was in the exact same situation when I met my boyfriend three years ago. I hate smoking with a passion and always swore I would never date a smoker. I even got two previous boyfriends to quit smoking for me cuz i hated it so much. Anyways, you just need to decide if his positive attributes outweigh the smoking. In my case they did, and actually because he smokes outside the only time it really bothers me is when we are in the car or in a restuarant. Every once in a while though i do feel like a sold out on one of my principles, but then I think about how hard it is to find a guy as great as my bf and im ok. Sorry if this wasn't much help but I guess what I am saying is if the smoking is the only thing about him that upsets you then I say go for it.
bish Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 I won't date smokers. Can't stand to kiss them. That and the ones that smoke like to go to bars and nightclubs...and I don't want a club hopper. I know I know...thats a generalization, but in my experience that has been the case.
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I won't date smokers. Can't stand to kiss them. That and the ones that smoke like to go to bars and nightclubs...and I don't want a club hopper. I know I know...thats a generalization, but in my experience that has been the case. This thread is full of generalizations. Women have such an uncanny ability to take one imperfection and mangify it a million times until it becomes so built up in your mind that it makes you lose sense of reality. It's no different than me saying I won't date kids with girls or overwieght girls - BUT THEN I WOULD BE FLAMED AS SUPERFICIAL!! I love it!! I hear: He's everything I could want but he smokes. Don't date him because he is not perfect. All I can say is wake up!! Did you ever stop to think that you are not perfect? I am sure he has overlooked one or two aspects of your behavior that he does not care for. So I ask you... who IS the better person? Whammy! Or you could do what most women in this situation will do - keep him around until a perceived "something better" comes along.
Lizzie60 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 There is absolutely nothing superficial about not wanting a smoker... Smoking is harmful for the person who smokes and the second-hand smoke is dangerous for everyone around... So it's got nothing to do with being picky... it's an health issue...
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I won't date smokers. Can't stand to kiss them. That and the ones that smoke like to go to bars and nightclubs...and I don't want a club hopper. I know I know...thats a generalization, but in my experience that has been the case. So... men + cigarettes = alcoholic, unstable, bar hopper? What planet are you on? I know so many dudes who smoke makin' more bank and raising their kids better than you ever could.
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 There is absolutely nothing superficial about not wanting a smoker... Smoking is harmful for the person who smokes and the second-hand smoke is dangerous for everyone around... So it's got nothing to do with being picky... it's an health issue... I disagree. It's a control issue. How does me smoking in my back yard affect you? Before your answer, it's my HEALTH we are talking about. You have to die sometime, death is gonna find you on its own time. There's NOTHING you can do to change that.
IpAncA Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I am a non smoker and hate the smell of smoke. Is it possible for this to work out between us if we did start dating? And what are your feelings on dating people that smoke if you don't? You'd have to ask him. What do you want worked out? You can ask him to stop but you can't make him. I'm a non-smoker and yes being with a smoker is horrible in terms of smell. And I will say that if you ever did end up with him and moved in, you might as well smoke yourself. Believe me I know. If you can't handle the smoke, I suggest you don't date him. Unless he's in the process of quiting and sticking to it.
IpAncA Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I disagree. It's a control issue. Interesting. How's not wanting to date a smoker a control issue? Is it a control issue if someone doesn't want to date someone who's short? These two are nothing more than a turn-off for some. Doesn't mean it's across the board for everyone.
Lizzie60 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I disagree. It's a control issue. How does me smoking in my back yard affect you? Before your answer, it's my HEALTH we are talking about. You have to die sometime, death is gonna find you on its own time. There's NOTHING you can do to change that. It's not a control issue..It's a preference... we don't mind or dislike... Smokers are one of my worst pet peeve...can't stand them... male or female... What if the person takes drugs... would that be a deal breaker... it would for me... I see no difference.
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 It's not a control issue..It's a preference... we don't mind or dislike... Smokers are one of my worst pet peeve...can't stand them... male or female... What if the person takes drugs... would that be a deal breaker... it would for me... I see no difference. You just ruled out 95% of the population but I am sure you are smart enough to have realized that. I don't think you would date yourself. When is the last time you drank alcohol (a dangerous drug) or took prescription medication for something other than a life threatening illness? I've found that most girls this stuck on an issue suck as cigarettes often have a pharmacy in their bathroom. You have got a huge double standard going, that's all. Let me know how that works out for you. Most good men will figure if you are that stuck on one LITTLE thing then there will be more to come. Enjoy!
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Interesting. How's not wanting to date a smoker a control issue? Is it a control issue if someone doesn't want to date someone who's short? These two are nothing more than a turn-off for some. Doesn't mean it's across the board for everyone. Just to make sure I understand you correctly. So even though this guy is great in every other aspect... all it takes is one little turn off? Hell, where's prince charming when you need him? Is that the sound of a steed My Lady? You and your husband of 30 years raise your kids and retire in Cancun and he takes up smoking cigars or a pipe. You're gonna through it all away? I feel sorry for you ladies, you need to get over yourselves.
Tyra Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Yes, it is possible that once you two start dating, then he'll stop smoking, well that's if he truly loves you. I hate people that smoke. My man use to smoke a little, but once we started getting heavy in the relationship, I let him know he have to stop. I couldn't deal with it. It wasn't good for his health, and also mine, because I would be around him. But your relationship can still work out. Just explain to him how you dislike it and if he cares, he'll understand where you're coming from and would stop.
IpAncA Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I've found that most girls this stuck on an issue suck as cigarettes often have a pharmacy in their bathroom. So if most girls don't like daing those who smoke, that means they take drugs like crazy? Why are you in defense mode?
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 So if most girls don't like daing those who smoke, that means they take drugs like crazy? Why are you in defense mode? Just my own experience. Happened to me twice. I am not a fan of cliches but those who are quick to judge often have something to hide themselves. All I am saying is look at yourself - you are not perfect. Why do you expect perfection in someone else? The guy smokes. At least his flaw is an outward one so you see it upfront. While you are busy hiding yours... Still waiting on you to answer my question though.
IpAncA Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 So even though this guy is great in every other aspect... all it takes is one little turn off? There's a reason I'm a non-smoker. Why in the world would I want to date someone who smokes? If I don't like smoking why put myself in position where I'm around it? Might as well be doing it myself.
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 There's a reason I'm a non-smoker. Why in the world would I want to date someone who smokes? If I don't like smoking why put myself in position where I'm around it? Might as well be doing it myself. Well have a nice divorce when your husband of 20 years decides to take up cigar or pipe smoking. Not all who smoke have smoke contantly eminating from them.
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 There's a reason I'm a non-smoker. Just like he has a reason that he smokes. Because he can. I am going to tell every girl I meet that I smoke, even if I don't. If she's that anal... BYE BYE
IpAncA Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Well have a nice divorce when your husband of 20 years decides to take up cigar or pipe smoking. He finds it just as gross as I do if not more. Trust me he's not taking it up.
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 He finds it just as gross as I do if not more. Trust me he's not taking it up. Lol, yep... I bet you have the rest of your life planned out to the very last detail. You know everthing he's NEVER gonna do. For you to even word it that way makes me wonder if he has male genitalia. Gaze deep into your crystal ball.....
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 All I can say is this left handed cigarette sure smokes well! I am sitting here relaxed while you are all worried about your relationship, your hair or how much your man smokes. Peace
IpAncA Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Just like he has a reason that he smokes. Because he can. Yes and I'm a non-smoker because I can and since I can, I don't have to date someone who does. Why is this such a hard issue for you to understand? It's not a control issue nor does it make someone anal or a drug taker. I am sitting here relaxed while you are all worried about your relationship, your hair or how much your man smokes. I am? You got all that from me simply saying that I don't like dating smokers? Your good.
IpAncA Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 For you to even word it that way makes me wonder if he has male genitalia. Yeah and for you to personally attack me on such a simple thread makes me wonder if you've been waiting for the chance to do so. So now there's things that if I mention it makes my H less of a man?
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