QuestionReality Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 I'm looking for any thoughts on his actions here- what he is looking for. I kicked my boyfriend of 2 years out last week because everytime we have any conflict, his answer is to pack a bag and take off. So i decided this last time to pack ALL his bags, and kicked him out. I called the following day to have him pick it all up; which he did. I shut off his cell phone;and wanted nothing further to do with him until he wanted to actually communicate instead of running away. The only thing he didn't take was a grill thats outdoors. I do not know where he's staying; I do not have his new cell # etc, and I havent made any move to get ahold of him. I do love him, but obviously I dont need a relationship with someone who runs away at any sign of conflict. This being said.. he hasn't come for this grill( which wouldnt impact me anyhow, its outside and can be picked up anytime without me being around). He drives by constantly, so my neighbors tell me... and as of last night his new thing is to sign on AIM Mobile. Any thoughts on how i should proceed here? I feel like he wants me to talk to him, but I need to stand firm here, and if he doesnt want to deal with our problems, then talking to him is a waste of time. Usually in the previous situations he would leave for a few days, I'd calm down and it would blow over... however,the situation would never be addressed. After this happening a few times, nothing ever got resolved, and it came to a head,all of it..this last time. Any thoughts are appreciated- I cannot get into his mindset at all.. I'm a very open person... Thanks
stillbits12 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 it's a really bad idea to let things cool down and blow over without talking things out, because the same issues will just come up on a later date if they're never addressed. he needs to grow up and come back and face you and the issues you guys are having. if he's unwilling to do that, then this relationship will not go anywhere because there is no room to grow. my advice is to talk out every conflict whenever it arises to avoid further similar conflicts down the road. you don't need to be dealing with the same issues every time you're fighting. at some point either the issue gets addressed and resolved, or it's time to move on.
Ruby Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Oh my god! That is exactly what my boyfriend does! I have just ended it because of the same thing. The only difference is that we dont live together so he just goes to his house and sulks.. Nothing ever gets spoken about unless I threaten to end it and then he listens to me and nods and shakes at the appropriate time and things are ok ... until the next time!!!!!!!!! I have just ended it with him but as he is sooo hard to talk to I have text him it. He is calling me now like nothing is wrong and not even mentioning anything is up. I am in pieces and do not know what to do here. I love him and I dont want us to split as I see this as being a small problem and yet its something I cant put up with and its also something that HE needs to sort out. He has lost 2 families over this behaviour so I dont think he will change for me! I cant believe you wrote this post, its the same problem ass mine and I cant wait to see your replies!
Author QuestionReality Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Hi Ruby It's sad only because I have already invested alot into this relationship hoping he would start to communicate. He is 38 and i am 31; and I am ready to settle down and would like to start a family etc... I cannot see spending my life with someone who cant handle conflict or communicate. I had to have him move to seperate /sort out my feelings and decide constructively what to do. It also gives me some alone time. Watching how he is handling this is blowing my mind. Driving by, the whole AIM thing.. its so childish. I dont understand why hes doing it, or what he plans to accomplish by acting this way. Hopefully I'll get some good input. Thanks So much!
Ruby Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Read my previous posts and look at the answers i recieved. The general concensus is that you cannot have a healthy realtionship with a guy who behaves in this way when there is conflict! I agree as well It is so hurtful and upsetting and when they just waltz back in (when it suits THEM) you feel a sense of fear of losing them and allow it to all be ok. But it isnt ok is it? Its far from ok It just happens again and again and until we wake up and smell the coffee we will just be the idiots who allow ourselves to be treated this way!
supertouch Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 move on from this guy. i can guarantee he has no feelings for you. he most likely goes off and enjoys himself after a fight while you sulk and have a hard time sleeping at night.
Author QuestionReality Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 I would tend to agree with you, if he didnt try to garner sympathy from my friends,family etc.. I seriously think he's just unable to suck up his ego and speak about his feelings.. as the days progress, his oddball behavior is getting worse.. its progressed from calling my sister, driving by to speaking to people i know on AIM over it. I just don't get why he's doing all of this instead if just picking up the phone, sucking it up..and talking about the issues. The drama surrounding this is getting old. I'm betting he's too set in his ways to change.. but we'll see. Thanks for the opinion.
Ruby Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 If you hadnt said his age I would say he was still in school! He sounds as childish as my ex!
Recommended Posts