LeftOutsideAlone Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Hi, Need some help! My bf and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. He left me. He wants to remain friends, as he thinks i am a wonderful person and i have been his best friend and his life, but says he doesnt see a future with me even though he loves me. The day before we broke up he held me and told me how much he loves me etc etc... I thought we were going to be together forever... he made me feel safe, secure, loved and special.... then out of nowhere breaks up with me. My issue is, we still see each other quite a bit, he acts all lovey dovey, touching, cuddles, intimate.... but is still adamant that we are not getting back together. i even went to his family dinner last night??? I am confused.... I so much want for us to be together, i thought he was the "one" for me, and still feel such a connection and do not feel like its over one little bit... but on the other hand i know i am just like putty in his hands and I dont want to be.. i want to be strong? My questions i need/want answered or help on are: 1. Is it possible to go from lovers to friends? Or is this a waste of time and energy? 2. How do you start no contact, when all you want to do is hear their voice? 3. when does it start sinking in your heart and mind that you are/wont ever be together again? If anyone could help i would really appreciate it.
London Girl Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Your situation with your ex sounds exactly what I went through with my ex. I was FWB for a year with my ex not knowing where I stood with him but he still acted lovey dovey with me, invited me to family gatherings etc which just completly messed with my head. We are now in 4 months into no contact and I don't intend to contact him at all but that does not mean I don't miss him as I do. It sounds like your ex is keeping you on a string just incase nothing better comes along. Do you want to be second best? If someone truly loved and cared for you, they would not be selfish to play mind games with you. You cannot be friends with an ex if you still have feelings for them - it will not help you to heal and move on. He is having the best of both worlds from the sounds of it. He needs to know what his life would be like without you so I suggest you go no contact immediately. As I've been there, this is the best thing you can do for yourself otherwise you will just get hurt again and again .... Concentrate on yourself, gain your self respect and do not give him the satisfaction that he is the only guy out there for you. Trying to accept you will no longer be together again was one of the hardest thing for me to accept but as time went by, I think I am at that stage where I have finally accepted it. It is so emotionally draining not knowing where you stand!
smith604 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 To answer your question from my exp it is very rare to go from lovers to freinds My wife who I have 2 kids with when we broke up we didnt talk or get along for over 1 yr just commuicated for the kids but now we get along better than we did when we were together! now my last one I was her Best freind for 10 yrs then became lovers and was going to get married and we tried the whole freind thing again it didnt work. As for NC that is very hard I broke my NC many times then when I finnaly started to get over it she broke it lol but now we dont talk at all so if you mean beeing freinds like hanging out and doing stuff together I would advise against it becuse there will allways be fellings there and that will mess you up and hurt you alot when he has a new GF
Author LeftOutsideAlone Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Thank you London Girl and Smith604, I guess deep down I know that no contact is the best thing for me, and is the only way to truly get over someone and move on... I just dont understand how someone can go from loving you (or telling you they do) to nothing the next day??? makes no sense to me..... And then they expect you to do the same??? I guess I am just scared too. I have a 9 year old daughter and this is the first guy who has loved and respected her as well as me. Previous bf just ignored her or yelled at her (which is why i left him). I am also not a person who handles being alone well, i always love to have people around me. and also scared i will end up alone. anyway.... suggestions on how to stop myself making contact would be useful as I find myself picking up the phone, even though i told myself an hour before i am not ringing again... maybe put a sign on the phone "DONT DO IT".. I feel so silly for feeling this way!!! Why is it so hard??
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