funkybassplayer Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 HI im in no contact with ex now 2 months and doing well with it, i got treated preety bad at the end, when she got some1 new, same ole, tossed aside. Anyway i was close to her kids, its school hols, was thinking of sending alittle cash, not 4 her for the kids, to have a good time, any comments any1?
madgun68 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Don't do it. It sounds like you mean well, but you aren't a part of their lives anymore.. It isn't your place to do so. (Not only that, but you have no idea if your ex would actually use that money as you intended anyway. It's just best if you left it alone.)
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 (Not only that, but you have no idea if your ex would actually use that money as you intended anyway. It's just best if you left it alone.) That had occured to me, as she will spend it on them,, but may not add to it from her own money if you know what i mean. I feel i really want to, but thats just how i am, and being kind and strong for her got me dumped! Keep em coming please.
LakesideDream Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Funky, y'all lived together, you know what your ex's kids like. Go to the store and buy them each a present. Don't send a card or anything, just wrap them up and send them to the kids, addressed to them. You'll know that they will enjoy the stuff. By being annonomus (sp) you won't create waves.
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Funky, y'all lived together, you know what your ex's kids like. Go to the store and buy them each a present. Don't send a card or anything, just wrap them up and send them to the kids, addressed to them. You'll know that they will enjoy the stuff. By being annonomus (sp) you won't create waves. Thats a good idea, but i was gonna do that at xmas, and birthdays, but right now, i know she will need cash for the hollidays for them, you know camping (i know though that as far as i know new guy will be there too) but this has nothing to do woth them, just the kids, and they r too young to send it to them
LakesideDream Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Birthday and Christmas... man are you missing out! I have an old flame that I am seldom in contact with. I really enjoy sending her a gift, or flowers anytime. It's for me.. makes me feel good. She enjoys it too. Nothing like a spontanious suprise. How about new kid sized sleeping bags, or cool "kid" led flashlights the kind that the batteries last forever.. Try it, it feels good to just do stuff sometimes.
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Birthday and Christmas... man are you missing out! I have an old flame that I am seldom in contact with. I really enjoy sending her a gift, or flowers anytime. It's for me.. makes me feel good. She enjoys it too. Nothing like a spontanious suprise. How about new kid sized sleeping bags, or cool "kid" led flashlights the kind that the batteries last forever.. Try it, it feels good to just do stuff sometimes. Thing is i got them so much stuff, and stuff for them i bought in the winter that will come out this smmer, but i know the mum is skint, thats why i thought cash would be best-thoughts?
Chinook Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Don't do it. It's not worth the heartache. Look to the future anyhow, what about when you start seeing a new lady and you have this bond with these kids...? It's not fair to them and it's not fair to you or any new relationship.
tinke Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 as a mother, i would say, it is not fair to the children...it is too confusing. furthermore, it is a way of FORCING them (all) to think of you, which is a form of manipulation. i would think they have been through enough drama and change in their life (with the new guy, etc.). you are no longer a part of that unit...let them be. i'm sure they are trying to adjust. what is the benefit? and for WHOM? quite honestly, if they want to contact you in the future, they will. for now, i would say, let them have their childhood free of added complications. you would have to guess in time this may cause friction between the ex and the new....do you want this when the children are involved? you may have been devoted to them, but, the mother has chosen a different route...free of you. for now (at least) let them settle. who knows, the children may request to talk with you in the future. for now...just think..it was a lot for you, do you want to pull them into it, too?
uniqueone Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 No...don't send anything. You're trying to hang onto her through her kids. It'll be too hard on you because she's with someone else. Try to put your energy (and money) towards someone new--or to yourself.
Slippy72 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 No...don't send anything. You're trying to hang onto her through her kids. It'll be too hard on you because she's with someone else. Try to put your energy (and money) towards someone new--or to yourself. Totally agree, sending them gifts is breaking NC. I know it sounds harsh, especially since I can tell you have real affection for the kids but eventually, you'll feel better for it.
uniqueone Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 FBP, I think you should take the money you were planning to give to them and do something really nice for YOURSELF. How 'bout it? Can you do that?
Art_Critic Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 No...don't send anything. You're trying to hang onto her through her kids. It'll be too hard on you because she's with someone else. Try to put your energy (and money) towards someone new--or to yourself. I agree with U_O 100%.. if you do that how are you to know that it would be welcomed by their Mom ? It is quite possible that your gifts/money would not be welcomed at all. The gifts/money will also look like what they are.. a method to contact your ex and show hope to get her back.. It will only look bad for you in her eyes.. Don't do it..
Slippy72 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 I agree with U_O 100%.. if you do that how are you to know that it would be welcomed by their Mom ? It is quite possible that your gifts/money would not be welcomed at all. The gifts/money will also look like what they are.. a method to contact your ex and show hope to get her back.. It will only look bad for you in her eyes.. Don't do it.. Yep, don't do FBP. Everytime you have the urge to get them something, post in this topic. Like you did with the letter.
uniqueone Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Yep, don't do FBP. Everytime you have the urge to get them something, post in this topic. Like you did with the letter. Or send the cash to me. That way you won't be tempted to send it to her kids. I'm only doing my part to help you here. It's a sacrifice, but I'll make that in order to support a LS buddy.
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 No...don't send anything. You're trying to hang onto her through her kids. It'll be too hard on you because she's with someone else. Try to put your energy (and money) towards someone new--or to yourself. Ok i never sent the cash, it was'nt a good idea, but i must tell you all, it was not intended as a way to talk to the mum, if i really wanted to talk to her, i would just phone, im not into schems, but i really would have liked to do it so they have a little extra spending on the hols, and i was going to say to not tell them i sent it for them. I have not sent it though b/c i dont want to interfere in her life, and i aslo dont want to break n/c as stated, it would be, and i have done so well for the past 7 weeks, so dont want to spoil it, but i didnt want the kids to kjnow it was from me, nor would i have wanted a thanks from the mum, and if i could be sure it would go to them, and she would have accepted it with the intention that i ment, then i would have sent it, but i never, the bad outweighed the good, and its just not worth the agg!. Ill keep it for me!
Chinook Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Or send the cash to me. That way you won't be tempted to send it to her kids. I'm only doing my part to help you here. It's a sacrifice, but I'll make that in order to support a LS buddy. Sorry Funky... but in what has been a REALLY awful day... this post really made me laugh. Thankyou Uniqueone. Thankyou so much lady.
uniqueone Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Sorry Funky... but in what has been a REALLY awful day... this post really made me laugh. Thankyou Uniqueone. Thankyou so much lady. Glad I gave you a laugh. I try to laugh...that way I don't cry....
madgun68 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Sorry Funky... but in what has been a REALLY awful day... this post really made me laugh. Thankyou Uniqueone. Thankyou so much lady.Hahaha. That was good. I hadn't even seen that in the replies. Funky, I think your intentions were admirable. I know this has been hard, not only having to get over her but the kids as well, but I think you made the right decision in not sending the money.
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Hahaha. That was good. I hadn't even seen that in the replies. Funky, I think your intentions were admirable. I know this has been hard, not only having to get over her but the kids as well, but I think you made the right decision in not sending the money. Thanks man, i dont want people to think im a schemer, as i said, if i really wanted to call i would. (i thought it was funny too, but im keeping the cash! its mine, all mine!)
uniqueone Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Thanks man, i dont want people to think im a schemer, as i said, if i really wanted to call i would. (i thought it was funny too, but im keeping the cash! its mine, all mine!) Hey, I'm a schemer, I'll admit it. I'm a woman....we're good at it.
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Hey, I'm a schemer, I'll admit it. I'm a woman....we're good at it. Yes.......remember you said it!
uniqueone Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Yes.......remember you said it! Other women on here might jump on me for saying that. But I tell ya.....I've seen what women do when they're into a guy and men are just more....simple. I've seen women hide in the bushes by the guys house seeing who was parked in his driveway. I've seen women pretend to be somewhere that they know the guy will be and act oh so surprised. I've seen women hide in a parked car on the guys street. There's plenty more examples..... I don't see men doing those things. Men don't even know what women actually do! lol I can't reveal all the secrets! You didn't see Ricky and Fred scheming, did you? No...it was Lucy and Ethel. I think maybe we have some biological reason for it or something. Who knows...maybe that's how we had to survive while the men were out hunting boars......
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 my ex was one too. Once i was doing a gig, and i could nt call her, and she text my singer (who was sitting next to me) to c if we was doing a gig tonight! I text her back, why you texting my singer? shes sitting right next to me! she never spoke to me for a day after that, and still managed to make me feel crap!!
madgun68 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Other women on here might jump on me for saying that. But I tell ya.....I've seen what women do when they're into a guy and men are just more....simple. I've seen women hide in the bushes by the guys house seeing who was parked in his driveway. I've seen women pretend to be somewhere that they know the guy will be and act oh so surprised. I've seen women hide in a parked car on the guys street. There's plenty more examples..... I don't see men doing those things. Men don't even know what women actually do! lol I can't reveal all the secrets!This sounds like a book deal if I ever heard one! Think of all the money you could make off that! <grin> Of course, you may have to go in to seclusion much like Salman Rushdie, but that's the price of fame, right? In all seriousness though.. that just makes me wonder.. How far will a woman take all this?
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