kobegirl Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 I just cant tell if my son is a good kid or a bad kid sometimes. he is going to be 17 soon . Most of the time he is very arrogant and stubborn . but he does not do drugs , he does not run around in gangs or anything like that. he is not very social and always exclaims that he cares about himself and that's it. I have to say once in a while he seems to show some care about me but then I have to wonder if it is just an act to get what he wants. I feel really manipulated although I am not even sure I am being manipulated. I know how confused I sound but i really am confused. It is hard to describe how he acts , but lets just say he is constantly saying little things here and there to me to annoy me but then he says he is joking . when i tell him seriously dont say that again , it does not stop him . I get so angry and stressed out . i ask him not to slam doors and he does. maybe I am just over reacting but i am not so sure that I am . I can really relate to that other post , sometimes i wonder what kind of adult will he be? will he be ok , or will he ever even grow up . my friends tell me he is still a child and doesnt mean to iritate me like he does but i don't know, i think it is a choice my son is making to act the way he does. maybe I am not such a good mom ? I thought I would be but the way he is acting I just dont understand it. is this normal teenage behavior to be so arrogant and defying . also , when I give him something , he always wants more ,and when he doesnt get more all he does is bring it up or point out what is wrong with what we got him in the first place like " oh it isnt as good or what nots" my life is just filled with confusion , it is amazing i am still walking and talking like a normal person just thought i would vent and it probobly wont be the last time .
Author kobegirl Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 just had to vent , my teenager just wont turn down the video game he is playing and it is like midnight , it isnt loud enough to bother anyone but me but he wont do it cause he thinks it is lw enough . grrrrrr.... i dont want to wake my husband by yelling at my teen so i am entirely aggitated right now . why does he insist on acting stupid . these are the momens that i dream of the day he grows up into an adult and moves out !!
possumgirl83 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 i went throught the same thing as a teen, wait im still going through it and im 23 lol.. oh wait that may not help huh? well like i say be thankful he isnt in a gang, in jail, getting girls pregnant... hes a good kid, hes just going through a phase, its his way of rebelling, and as all phases he will grow out of it. take a deep breath, the more you nag the worse you'll make it as my grandma said " it will get better, it may get worse first but it will get better"
Author kobegirl Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 i went throught the same thing as a teen, wait im still going through it and im 23 lol.. oh wait that may not help huh? nope .. that didnt help , made me feel worse lol. thanks. anyway your right that my nagging is making it worse , for me for sure. and for him to a degree . I do wonder if he will ever stop . . being deliberatly aggitating . I do thank my lucky stars everyday that he is not in a gang and such that is for sure. I think this is about as much as i can take . some parents may be able to tolerate more but I am just having so much trouble dealing with the stress that he causes. the only way i can describe his attitude is like if I were a news man doing a report live on the scene and i told the people around me to please not interfere with the shot . and when the camera rolls there he is ..Mooning the camera and making noises , just so much ruckuss that there is no way to report news... I dont know if that is a good example but this of trying to do a live on the scene report a few times a day and the same guy never lets you do it . frustrating as hec . I hope you are right that he will grow out of it . I will definitly be venting about his here . thanks so much everyone for reading my posts.
Author kobegirl Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 omg ~ my son turned 17 yesterday and today i was feeling pretty good because i thought maybe things would be ok now for somereason . I convinced myself that maybe i am too worried for nothing and then BOOm .. litterally. I cleaned the living room my husband is at the gym and my teenager was playing his online game in his room while my younger one was with me hanging out in the living room. anyway we hear a big bang ! in the room .. i go and my teen had hit hiss desk and almost borke it because he was angry that he lost an online game and then i got angry told him not to do that it wasnt normal . he said yea it was and that him getting mad was normal . i told him not to do it again and he said yea ~ . then a minute later BANG! he finally broke his desk ( the little part that slides out ) he came outof his room fuming that we didnt have wireless because he got cut off. i got angry again and then he said i was fuling his frustration . I told him not to do it again but i doubt he will listen . I was actually afraid of him for a second . this is when i think i want him out of my house. but he doesnt usually act like this . I am really upset because i surely dont want to upset my husband either . I am not sure what to do . my son told me that the game was his life and of course he was going to be angry . iam sooo stressed out ! .dont really know what to do . I cant take that laptop away from him because that will make things much worse. i dont know what to do really. omg.
Hestia Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 you need to put a hand on that boy. i mean, not beating him but making him respect you. he acts like a spoilt kid. what about your husband? does he talk to your son and tell him he needs to be more respectful to you? because it looks like you're dealing with it all by yourself. have you thought of getting him counseling? or maybe he should start practicing some sport, that would give you some time to breath and he would waste his energy somewhere else.
Author kobegirl Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 you need to put a hand on that boy. i mean, not beating him but making him respect you. he acts like a spoilt kid. what about your husband? does he talk to your son and tell him he needs to be more respectful to you? because it looks like you're dealing with it all by yourself. have you thought of getting him counseling? or maybe he should start practicing some sport, that would give you some time to breath and he would waste his energy somewhere else. He does act spoiled, but not when it comes to getting whatever he wants but when it comes to his attitude problem that is where he is spoiled. I scold him and he does listen to some but not all . he is selective . he doesnt act that way with my husband. he controlls himself . counceling he refususes ( my teenager) . it is hard to make a big guy come to a place when he doesnt want to , unless of course i commit him to someplace, which would be extreme in this situation. so I was hoping to somehow handle this myself. he refuses sports as well . we had him in martial arts for a few years. he really liked that but he had a really bad instructor that skipped classes when we were in another state and my teenager lost all respect for it after that. I do agree that I am dealing with things all by myself for the most part because my teen acts up when he is alone with me the most. and my husband talks to him but that only goes so far. I am really stressed since he will be 18 years old next year so I am not sure how that will be . my teen isnt totally awfull but he is extrememly annoying and obnoxious and not to mention selfish . I guess that is normal teen behavior ? well I dont know anymore. my husband tells me to just leave him be for now and try not to stress over everything . he is right in a way , since i will end up giving myself a heartattack from all the stress if I dont calm down a bit. dont mean to ramble on , I am definilty coming here to vent since it helps to find some support or at the least someone else to listen , I really appreciate everyone who is taking the time to read this and taking the time to post .
Hestia Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 my teen isnt totally awfull but he is extrememly annoying and obnoxious and not to mention selfish . I guess that is normal teen behavior ? well I dont know anymore. That's definitely not the normal behaviour. It would be if he was 5. He is almost 18, his personality is shaped, he is an adult. Ask your husband to support you, to back you up on this because you can't handle this on your own. You are scared of your son and that must be a horrible feeling, But don't give up on him yet. Try the sport thing again. And if he doesn't want counseling maybe you could get some for yourself, to help you coping with the anxiety.
Ladyjane14 Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I hear ya, Kobe. Believe me, you're not alone. I'm thinking a Mom needs a whip and a chair like one of those lion trainers at the circus in order to raise boys! There seems to be a couple of things going on... First, they share the same brain trouble that teen girls do... an underdeveloped frontal lobe, which accounts for poor judgment,as well as lack of planning and organization. Then, as if that weren't enough , add in the effects of rampant testosterone, which helps to make them big and aggressive. (Legally, we ought to be able to lock 'em in a closet 'til their 30, don't ya think?! I need to write my congressman about that. ) Anyway, here's a couple of articles for you: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/interviews/todd.html http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testosterone I've had a modicum of success in sitting down with mine and sharing this kind of info. Kids worry that there's something horribly different and WRONG with them. You know how it was. We were all teens too back in the day. Once they understand that there's some science behind it all, they seem to feel a little better. All that said, I'm not cool if they're letting it get ahead of them though. Self-control is something a kid has to learn, and just because I understand why he might fall off the horse now and then, doesn't mean I don't expect him to pick himself up, dust himself off, and get back on. So you better believe, whenever he lets that bad judgment loose, he answers for it. He may be bigger than me... but dammit, I'm MEANER than he is.
Author kobegirl Posted July 31, 2007 Author Posted July 31, 2007 Thanks for those links ladyjane14! very interesting and informative .. He may be bigger than me... but dammit, I'm MEANER than he is. LOL ! so true .
Author kobegirl Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 ok , well my teen is starting his senior year of high school tomoro , it makes me nervous because by the end of this coming school year he will be 18 , an adult technically and I am really stressed about how things will be . I have been trying to tell him to sleep early but he just wont, and I dont want to wake everyone in my house up yelling at him to go to sleep since it seems pointless . his attitude is I am seventeen now so I can do what i want to . he does admit that he cant do everything he wants to but he gets stubborn when it is things like bed time . I dont know if I am over reacting ... i mean at least he isnt out somewhere at this hour right? he says he cant sleep early and he cant force himself. I know that this is pretty much BS , but I just dont want to make a scene in the middle of the night . I am really frustrated. also , my husband bought him clothes that my teen says he likes but he now is saying he just wants to wear his old clothes that need to be replaced. I told him just wear the new stuff , what the hec is the matter with you ?? because if it were up to him i think he would wear the same thing for a week . I think i should try to settle down and go to bed. I cant really do anything about him staying up late. he says he will wake early dont worry . but he is just so arrogant about it . Is it that I am losing control of him and dont like it ? I think I am being reasonable but then i dont know. why do teens have to be so darn ridiculous ! grrrrrrr.
Ladyjane14 Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Maybe you can look at his senior year as an opportunity for him to learn some things the hard way while still being under your watchful eye. Once he moves out, he'll set his own bedtime, right? So, go ahead and let him learn now that if he doesn't take responsibility for getting enough sleep... he's going to be dragging ass the next day. If he lets it affect his grades, he loses the keys to the car or what-have-you. If he's cranky because of it... hey, it wasn't you who kept him from getting his sleep and you're not putting up with foul treatment. If mine stays up half the night... he's STILL going to school, even if I have to pour a bucket of water over his head to get him up. And since he won't take my good motherly advice , the only option left is that he's gonna have to learn the hard way. He is NOT welcome to make noise and keep the rest of the family awake though. If he does, I can make noise too, and it's not the pleasant kind.
Author kobegirl Posted August 4, 2007 Author Posted August 4, 2007 that sounds great but when he is late for school it comes back on me , I would be happy to just tell my son well your late cause you stayed up late oh well .. but the schools over here are really anal sort of speak . when i was young and late for school , it wasnt a big issue as long as kids were not absent and they do all there work it was ok. but last year I learned the hard way that it is different now. my son was late 7 times in one quarter of the highschool year. actually he was late 6 times. now I got a really scary letter saying that if he was tardy 1 more time for a total of 7 tardies in one quarter then they would submit a form to the state to charge me with educational neglect of a child because i could not get my 200+ lb kid to school on time. i find this ridiculous knowing that he was late like 1 minute after the tardie bell .. but this letter was serious. so now I find myself in a situation where i have to get him up like a baby and demand and argue for him to go to school on time and it is very frusrating. so i dont feel like i can let that go... i always nagged him to get his butt to school on time but I cant pick him up and throw him over my shoulder like a toddler . although i wish i could then like you said he could learn his own lessons LOL. i think i cant do much about him staying up and now i find myself really worried cause he is going to be 18 next year and I feel like i might lose controll of him and that is scary . but he knows that it is my house and my rules if he wants to live here. but i cant see myself kicking him out if I have to . teenagers are sooo hard to deal with .. goodgrief . today he locked all the locks on the front door including the chain and he knows we are coming home. i had to ring the doorbell and wait there he seemed to take his sweet time coming to the door because he was in the middle of a game and my husband was very angry . and he told him you need to get out here and open the door if your going to put the chain up , and dont put the chain up anymore cause it is stupid to do so . my son got really cranky of course and slammed his door. but this isnt the first time this chain situation happened it is the third time and I am tired of standing outside my own home waiting to be let in , so retarted. and this stupid Starcraft game he has ! he is obsessed and when he loses a game he gets soo angry at the person who he is playing with it affects his mood with our household and he makes everyone including me annoyed and bothered because he has this stink attitude with everyone in our house and his little brother because of what a stranger said to him. I swear all I hear in my head is that song from David Bowie "under pressure" cause that is how I feel all the time these days when it comes to my teen . i am just venting though .
Ladyjane14 Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Swear to God... I'd remove the chains from the door. and then I'd DISCONNECT the internet. In the grand scheme of things... a Mom's gotta do what a Mom's gotta do. If you know where that boy lives, THAT's where you hit him. Know what I mean? Yeah, it's inconvenient for everybody else in the house, but what's the most important thing?... letting him know WHO the big dog is, or letting HIM be the big dog? Pour that bucket of water over his head. Make him ride the bus. And... make him clean up his own mess even if you have to stand there WATCHING the whole time he does. He'll sputter. He'll slam doors. He'll be a regular a*hole about it. But hey, don't worry... 'cause he'll love you when he's 30. And... you'll have time in between his tantrums to tell him WHY you do the things you do. Mine is in the middle of a repair project... for the hole he kicked in the wall during a tantrum. I'm NOT helping him do it either. And all he's getting from his father is helpful little pointers... but otherwise Dad's just standing back and chortling. (That is, when he's not bragging on what fine drywall work the boy's doing. Men!... Can't live with 'em, and ya can't just shoot 'em. )
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Kobe, My 19 year old has never missed a curfew, never been caught doing anything wrong. Other than a smart mouth and a dirty room and leaving her things laying around I have had no complaints. THEN, BOOM, wrong place wrong time and front page news story, head line in the paper. 50 posts and one month later, I can probably make you feel like your son is a saint! Anyway, my point is hold your ground. One day with any lluck, he'll be a kid you're proud to call your's! I'm still holdin on to that hope/thought! Moose has a thread on here, I'm too old for the SH*T. When I read it I literally cracked, spit coffee on the screen, a month or so later though, I find myself in a similar position. Although I didn't become violent, and his child wasn't on every news channel giving a STATEMENT without representation, I can relate. Hold your ground, you're smarter than he is!! Your job is almost done, don't give up now! I've been told, they need you now more than ever. You're almost home! Good Luck, I know you're frustration. IWWH
1stchild Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 This to will pass. I am a mother of 3 boys who all lived to be adults. They finally got to the stage where their mother wasn't supid and turned out to be really great kids. It isn't too much loger until your son gets to that stage....hang in there Mom
Author kobegirl Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 My 19 year old has never missed a curfew, never been caught doing anything wrong. Other than a smart mouth and a dirty room and leaving her things laying around I have had no complaints. THEN, BOOM, wrong place wrong time and front page news story, head line in the paper. 50 posts and one month later, I can probably make you feel like your son is a saint! sorry to hear you went through all that , I dont know what happened but i can only imagine . I always try to appreciate that my son is not worse then he is , there is always a " he could be worse " scenario but wow does he get on my final nerve endings ! lol . This to will pass. I am a mother of 3 boys who all lived to be adults. They finally got to the stage where their mother wasn't supid and turned out to be really great kids. It isn't too much loger until your son gets to that stage....hang in there Mom thanks for that , I always hope the end result will be good or at least acceptable. some moments I think I am worried for nothing but then boom ! here comes my teen with another surprise .. time to vent some more ,warning ~ I may be on here venting about my teen on and off for a while . Ok , here is the latest of his making me crazy antics , yes , "could be worse " like always but never the less annoying . the other day it was my toddlers first day at kindergarden and right when I was leaving the kindergarden class my phone rings.. my teen says he got on the wrong bus and is at the mall ! so he is way late for school and i had to go pick him up . my husband ended up going. I understood that the bus( he was catching for the first time was the wrong one ) but he ate at a fast food place before calling me ! grrrrr... then ... tonight was kinda aggravating .. my teen is a bit uncomfortable with me seeing him shirtless.. dont know why but he is wierd like that . maybe shy dont know but anyway he was coming out of his room . the bathroom is right across his room . so he pops his head out and says " mom dont look OK ! i am like yea , I wont look . he says again dont look ! i said yes I said i am not going to look just do what you need to do and go sleep ! ... i dont know if he couldnt hear me but he then went on and on ... "mom , mom , ..... mom ... mom ! " so I wasnt looking but with all those mom's i thought he wanted me to turn my head and look ... he came out right then and then lost it because I saw him without his shirt on . i mean he pretty much yelled and said WHY did you look !!!!!!and he went back in his room swung the door open and shut in his aggravation and then closed it quite loudly . I didnt say anything because i was in fact very aggravated at that point , that wasnt my fault ! I can say my teen can be quite brain dead sometimes, if you dont want someone to see you why are you saying anything ? it is like you are drawing attention to himself. good grief. very very annoying , also all night it was him cmplaining about something ! talk about sucking the life force out of me . i am exaughsted mentally !
Author kobegirl Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 My 19 year old has never missed a curfew, never been caught doing anything wrong. Other than a smart mouth and a dirty room and leaving her things laying around I have had no complaints. THEN, BOOM, wrong place wrong time and front page news story, head line in the paper. 50 posts and one month later, I can probably make you feel like your son is a saint! sorry to hear you went through all that , I dont know what happened but i can only imagine . I always try to appreciate that my son is not worse then he is , there is always a " he could be worse " scenario but wow does he get on my final nerve endings ! lol . This to will pass. I am a mother of 3 boys who all lived to be adults. They finally got to the stage where their mother wasn't supid and turned out to be really great kids. It isn't too much loger until your son gets to that stage....hang in there Mom thanks for that , I always hope the end result will be good or at least acceptable. some moments I think I am worried for nothing but then boom ! here comes my teen with another surprise .. time to vent some more ,warning ~ I may be on here venting about my teen on and off for a while . Ok , here is the latest of his making me crazy antics , yes , "could be worse " like always but never the less annoying . the other day it was my toddlers first day at kindergarden and right when I was leaving the kindergarden class my phone rings.. my teen says he got on the wrong bus and is at the mall ! so he is way late for school and i had to go pick him up . my husband ended up going. I understood that the bus( he was catching for the first time was the wrong one ) but he ate at a fast food place before calling me ! grrrrr... then ... tonight was kinda aggravating .. my teen is a bit uncomfortable with me seeing him shirtless.. dont know why but he is wierd like that . maybe shy dont know but anyway he was coming out of his room . the bathroom is right across his room . so he pops his head out and says " mom dont look OK ! i am like yea , I wont look . he says again dont look ! i said yes I said i am not going to look just do what you need to do and go sleep ! ... i dont know if he couldnt hear me but he then went on and on ... "mom , mom , ..... mom ... mom ! " so I wasnt looking but with all those mom's i thought he wanted me to turn my head and look ... he came out right then and then lost it because I saw him without his shirt on . i mean he pretty much yelled and said WHY did you look !!!!!!and he went back in his room swung the door open and shut in his aggravation and then closed it quite loudly . I didnt say anything because i was in fact very aggravated at that point , that wasnt my fault ! I can say my teen can be quite brain dead sometimes, if you dont want someone to see you why are you saying anything ? it is like you are drawing attention to himself. good grief. very very annoying , also all night it was him cmplaining about something ! talk about sucking the life force out of me . i am exaughsted mentally !
love necessity Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 He sounds normal, nothing out of the norm. I know you...I know..you wanted him to be an alien, but he's just an average teenage boy, looking for some attention. He probably gets it most of the time too, but your mommy and you love em. If it makes you feel any better, boys typically act 4 yrs younger than their actual age. Now, I heard this in statistics somewhere, but i don't remember where? Hopefully that's still true, I don't want to give u the wrong advice. I would just give him time to find himself. He's probably going through puberty, and guys have mood swings too!! Does he have a job? A girlfriend? Any other siblings?
love necessity Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 how's he doing in school? If his grades are average or above, then he's probably just moody. Does he come home late or stay out all night a lot? Do his friends seem decent? Does he come and head straight for his room? Does he skip school? Does he fight with fellow classmates? Have you caught him drinking, smoking, anything illegal?
silktricks Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I have to say once in a while he seems to show some care about me but then I have to wonder if it is just an act to get what he wants. I feel really manipulated although I am not even sure I am being manipulated. I know how confused I sound but i really am confused. It is hard to describe how he acts , but lets just say he is constantly saying little things here and there to me to annoy me but then he says he is joking . when i tell him seriously dont say that again , it does not stop him . I get so angry and stressed out . i ask him not to slam doors and he does. maybe I am just over reacting but i am not so sure that I am . He's probably pretty normal. Boy's seem to turn into devils around age 15-16, but they seem to come back out of it when they're -- oh like 26. Too late for Mom's sanity, but at least take heart that they'll someday be humans again. Girls are a different story altogether.
Author kobegirl Posted August 11, 2007 Author Posted August 11, 2007 If it makes you feel any better, boys typically act 4 yrs younger than their actual age. Now, I heard this in statistics somewhere, but i don't remember where? Hopefully that's still true, I don't want to give u the wrong advice. I would just give him time to find himself. He's probably going through puberty, and guys have mood swings too!! Does he have a job? A girlfriend? Any other siblings? lol ... I am realizing that now that wow boys are super imature , i know at that age i had alot more sense but that is what i think my mom might have had a different opinion lol. he had a job then he quit it. no girlfriend . a younger toddler brother .
Author kobegirl Posted August 11, 2007 Author Posted August 11, 2007 how's he doing in school? If his grades are average or above, then he's probably just moody. Does he come home late or stay out all night a lot? Do his friends seem decent? Does he come and head straight for his room? Does he skip school? Does he fight with fellow classmates? Have you caught him drinking, smoking, anything illegal? School is ok , last year he pretty much passed junior year by a hair ! i would say his grades were average but sometimes they go down but he usually brings them up , but he does the least amount of effort posible. he doesnt really go out at night and doesnt really stay out at night , only cause he doesnt have that many friends and the ones he is friends with dont go out or dont go out with him . I think i would have a heart attack if he did stay out late. i have to find a way to prepare for that since he is 18 next year ~ the friend he is with the most is decent , nice guy , nicer then my son lol . kinder i should say and more responsible so you guessed it I really like him lol... the rest are i guess friends or aquantances at school that he doesnt really hang out with. yes , he likes his room cause it has the game starcraft he is hooked on that i hate ... but he does come out and hang in the living room once in a while but when he does he usually makes trouble to his brother or one of our pets , and that is super annoying but i dont really want to get mad cause i dont think it is healthy if he is in his room all the time . but in short he does stay in his room alot . he skipped school one time last year. sometime there are words exchanged according to my son but no real physical fights although my son is talking about how he feels like it sometimes. sometimes he just acts like he got too much testosterone in him , once he was acting nuts like if he did that to him he would do this or that and fight ect... then I joked to him once and said you really need some estrogen or something .. no drinking , no illegal anything , not to my knowledge. but i think he tried smoking cigarettes because his friend offered ,but he didnt like it he said . whew ! anyway that is that .
Author kobegirl Posted August 11, 2007 Author Posted August 11, 2007 He's probably pretty normal. Boy's seem to turn into devils around age 15-16, but they seem to come back out of it when they're -- oh like 26. Too late for Mom's sanity, but at least take heart that they'll someday be humans again. Girls are a different story altogether. LOL .. thanks , there is a Japanese saying , ( girls are adults at 18 boys are adults at 25) . . i was kinda hoping it wasnt true .. but it is i guess , not too far fetched for me to believe lol . my sanity is about to fly away and he is only 17 now .. good grief ! I thought boys were easier then girls but then i am now thinking girls must be easier then boys to raise. my friend said that boys tend to act like prince's in the house and they dont help out much ( sounds like my teen ) .. and girls help out more around the house and tend to me more mature. I wonder , I guess it isnt if one is easier to raise , i guess it is that they are just different to raise. by the way .. sorry everyone for the double post , not sure how i managed to do that. my mood is pretty good today ( not too stressed ) cause my teen was not so insane tonight although he did have his moments today but nothing really a super big deal so not really worth mentioning , I hope for more good days like this but that is being a bit too optomistic cause the good days dont usually last too long .
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