uRabbit Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 So... This isn't really a unique situation, but somehow I feel like posting here will make it easier for me. Maybe someone will tell me something I didn't know before... I'm 19 and in college for Massage Therapy. Will be going into Chiropractic after that. I have big dreams and goals for myself. I will own my own business. I will own a beautiful home with a loving family to dwell inside of it. I have been financing vehicles and other loans since the day I turned 18. My credit is very good. I will be somebody. This part of life used to give me the most trouble. Now, it's more complicated than that. I can't open a loan for the sort of problem I'm having now... My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 2 months. We broke up about 7 months into it because I didn't feel the attraction anymore. However, my mind and heart told me that I may have let "the one" slip through my fingers. Now... I'm having the same lack of feelings again - physical and personality-based. Some things I am not attracted to about her: - Too shy. Even around my friends that greet and treat her warmly, she speaks very little. - So shy and too much of a "follower" that she rarely comes up with plans for us - it's usually up to me. - Not the prettiest girl, but certainly a catch in many peoples' eyes. - LOTS of family issues. - Not as sexually outgoing as I am. - Has only one friend nowadays. Not that big of a deal, but that friend is a ****ty friend. So she never has anyone to be with except me. - She is CLINGY. If I don't text or call her she gets weird. - She will make a "joke" about me not being able to see her or talk to her by saying, "Oh, you got a hot date or something? lol" The "lol" makes it a "safe" reply because she can always say she was joking if I get upset. Some things I am attracted to about her: - She can bare children. This is a basic human attraction. She is good with children. She wants to make children her career. She's a good cook. She could totally be that wife that can run the house and be a stay-at-home mom with an in-home daycare. - Loyalty. She is loyal to me till the end. Even if I cheated on her, she would never think about doing it. She even lost a friend over me. Today, I spent the day with a girl I've been friends with for 8 years. Over the years, I've grown more fond of her. However, her choice in guys is not very good. Usually guys who smoke too much weed, drink too much, hit her, or are just generally losers. We almost lost our friendship over one guy... This friend and I have been speaking more about our personal feelings for each other. Our parents have always said we would get married, so I asked her the other day if she ever thought about that. She said she had. That I'm a stable, kind, and driven person. That she could rely on me to always be there for her and to love her. She said she had "a thing" for me back a couple years ago, but never pursued it cause I was always with someone. I have been single since the 9th grade... However, this friend of mine seems... bottled. She has a low self-esteem and claims to be a bitch. I think she can be at times, because she lets people know how it is. However, she's always been good to me. Sure, she can be blunt, but maybe that's something to get used to... Just seems like she might have a ton of issues that she's not willing to examine. Also, she doesn't really have goals. She doesn't know what she wants to do. She just knows she wants to move back to California. I fear that may take us in separate directions... I wanna move back to Cali also, but not the same part. So my questions for you fine ladies and gentlemen is this: 1) How do I break up with my girlfriend and be okay with it? I'm all she has. And what if she could be the one? Or would I just be settling? 2) As far as my friend goes, what do I do about her? Speak with her more about it, then what? Should I speak with her about her insecurities, or leave that for a more personal time? Thank you so much for reading this lengthy topic. =]
alphamale Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 yes, excellent scenario. here is my recommendation: you, sir, are way too young to be involved with any women seriously. you are not ready for marriage and on top of it you want the bad girl who you're only friends with. so my main advice is to drop both of them like a hot potatoe and concentrate on school and building you career. women will always try to sidetrack you from your goals. oh and one last comment. if you're still single in 15 years and wanting to get married then you'll be wishing you could find a girl like your current girlfriend. yea and one last thing...never be "just friends" with any female
jusified Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 thats silly, I'm friends with girls I'm not interestd in and probably will never be interested in.
alphamale Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 thats silly, I'm friends with girls I'm not interestd in and probably will never be interested in. whats the point?
Pyro Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 whats the point? Exactly! What is the point of having friends?
Author uRabbit Posted July 24, 2007 Author Posted July 24, 2007 Hmm. I don't much agree with the whole idea of not having a significant other while working on my career goals. I need a support system too, you know. With my current girlfriend; all the basic human instinctful attractions are there: - she can bare children - she'd be a good house wife (not sayin that's all women are for) - she's loyal But the intellectual, metaphysical, and emotional attachments/attractions just aren't there at all. And she makes me feel like crap sometimes when I can't see her... My friend, though... There's more than that. In fact, it's almost the opposite. All the not-so-basic attractions are there... But she's also very loyal and loving. Still dunno what exactly to do though...
alphamale Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 But the intellectual, metaphysical, and emotional attachments/attractions just aren't there at all. And she makes me feel like crap sometimes when I can't see her.... that says it all...
lino Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 If I was you I wouldn't be with either girl. From what you have written you sound quite confident of what you want & how to get it. Added you're also very young so I don't think you'll have so much trouble to find a girl which is better for you. It sounds to me like you see yor current girlfriend as more of a convenience than a partner & that you're not enjoying yourself with her at all. I also agree with the guy above who commented on the child bearing, is that really a great characteristic/quality? Especially for a 19 yr old to be worried about. Nearly all females should be able to bear children & even then how are you so sure she can? I don't know the whole story very well but I think if you stay with your current girl you'd just be 'settling' & you won't be very happy. The other girl also doesn't sound so good in my opinion mainly because of this: However, her choice in guys is not very good. Usually guys who smoke too much weed, drink too much, hit her, or are just generally losers. We almost lost our friendship over one guy... Pretty much all the girls I've been involved with hae been like this, most haven't been hit though. They've all wanted & been with the bad boy types & because I pretty much look like one too they've been attracted to me. All very hot girls ( I assume this girl is too? ) & most of the time with a lot of attitude. However I'm not much of a badass at all, infact with women I'm probably guilty of being too nice & even though they know in their head I would be a better guy for them they just can't resist guys that are like you mentioned above & so they dump me after a short time & go back to guys like that. Now I don't know you at all but from what you've written you don't sound like that type of guy & you probably have no respct for those type of guys like I also do but by the sounds of what you're saying this female friend of yours does like the badass type & I think even if you & her do get together & she knows you're a good guy for her she'll still leave you to go back to an a*#hole. Especially if shes as young as you & very hot. Ofcourse I could be wrong & maybe its worth the risk for you to take in getting with her but in my opinion neither are a top choice. All the best
Recommended Posts