BrokenVision Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Does being cheated on once make one susceptible to a second incident? When I'm not with my girlfriend I am a very depressed person. I was cheated on a few years ago by my girlfriend at that time. Needless to say we broke up, I got angry for a long time, then I reconciled with that person a short time ago. Now I'm in a new relationship that is better and happier than any other. We're very close to each other. But when I'm given time to think, times like when I'm lying in bed at night or I'm at work, my mind goes back to what happened to me years ago. I get these thoughts that I'm not good enough for her, what the hell is she doing with a loser like me...and it's only matter of time before she tosses me aside for that "Alpha male," just like before. Sometimes I feel she would be better off without me. I have all these self-confidence issues when they shouldn't be there, at least I don't think they should. I receive so much praise and affection and love that I don't understand how I can get to being so depressed. I have also extreme jealousy issues, but I don't ever say anything since I don't want to be the "jealous boyfriend." I can't stand people hitting on her, both online and in public...it's like every time it happens I can read her thoughts and she's thinking "what am I doing with this kid when I can have the other guy?" and then in my mind she's drifting away from me. I get extremely pissed and extremely hurt at the same time, but I just look the other way. She recently made a remark about how I looked sad for some reason and she asked if my past girlfriends had not loved me enough, as a joke. I just told her in as few words as possible that my ex liked doing things behind my back and she pulled me close and said "I don't know what anyone else has told you, but I'm telling you that you are wonderful" I guess someone can respond if they want to. I just wanted to write this down for others to see it because I've never talked about this before; I've just kept it locked away for the longest time. I must be crazy or something.
underpants Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 I need some clarification... Are you in this new relationship with the person that cheated on you? How long has the new/relationship been going on?
Author BrokenVision Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Something else I must come clean with that weighs on me to the day: We were both in the mall once and she turns around and goes "OMG it's (name)!!!!" She proceeds to run and jump onto this guy's back and hug him. I just looked at my feet in despair. "Here it comes" I thought. The anger, the hurt...She came back after a few minutes of talking as though nothing happened. I later found out, after nonchalantly browsing some old online journals that she was "in love" with this guy a few years ago. Now call me stupid, but I never go up and hug some girl that I was "in love" with. This was weeks after we started dating...perhaps she did not realize at the time how much this sort of thing hurts? underpants: no. this is a different person. the relation ship has being going on for exactly 6 months and 2 days.
Author BrokenVision Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 I suppose the problem here is just me. How do I make the bad feelings go away..is the question. She has never done anything to make me suspicious. But in the end I guess I should just realize that whatever happens happens for a reason, and assume that if she does take another man over me that she is following her heart. I just want her to be happy and safe.
underpants Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Hey there, You can't let your past issues let you sabatoge a current relationship. Some of your doubts can be alleviated by simply being honest and communicating with your girlfriend. Maybe just talk to her and tell her how much you care about her. Tell her that you have been cheated on in the past and you would really appreciate it you two could form a little pack to not do this to each other. Sure you two might have other problems, and there is always the possibility that one of you might want out of the relationship at some point. However, if you two can communicate with each other then maybe those future issues can be fixed before dealbreakers are dealt. I hope it helps, Unders
figuremeout Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 You have some serious trust issues which are totally real given the cheating. I've got those same issues and you seriously need to tell your girlfriend and communicate them openly. Otherwise it festers and it sounds like she is crazy about you. If you dont tell her now and it comes out, she will feel very bad that her behavior was hurting you all this time. I bet she would want to protect your heart if she knew how badly it had been hurt.
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