supertouch Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 why did you snoop on this person? if you were snooped on, how did you react? i logged in my ex's myspace because i had a gut feeling she wasn't committed to me and was talking to other guys. i was right. she called me a psycho and a creep and hasn't talked to me since. i think she reacted this way because she was caught in a lie and became defensive, placing the blame on me. if someone snooped on me, i probably wouldn't be that upset, knowing i wouldn't have anything to hide.
mav100 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 This is going to end up being a hot topic - some will be on the side of "privacy", and others will be on the side of the "snoops". In my opinion, it's ok when it doesn't go too far. My example - having a "hunch" my ex had been contacting her ex. She had been acting strangely, and the douche even ended up on our doorstep one night, shortly after we moved into a house together and out of our shared apartment. After the strange way she had been acting and him showing up at the door, I grabbed her cell one night after she went to sleep. Sure enough, there was a strange listing in her address book, simply showing up as "X" - didn't take too long to figure out who's number that was. Sure enough, it was a number that I recognized as being a cell phone from the city he lived in, which is about half an hour away. Sure enough, there were quite a few recent calls to and from that number, and by the next night, she had erased her call log. I didn't say anything at first, just kept the info to myself. However, it did allow me to "catch her in the act" the following week when I was supposed to be out of town. She was running around town with her ex, and then she brought him back to the house. The rest is history. I'll say this: If I didn't snoop, I would have had no idea what was going on, and she would have gotten away with it for a while longer. The moral dilemma is this. If its a person who is cheating, then yeah, they deserve to get caught red handed, and you deserve to know the truth so you can bail out on them. However, if it's someone who just happens to have a bunch of coincidental stuff going on, and then you "snoop", you're going to feel like a real jerk, and if you get caught, you are going to possibly screw up a good relationship. My advice - don't do it unless the proof you have is already almost concrete. I'll also add this little tidbit. If you DO catch someone cheating by snooping, of course they are going to turn around and call you names and get angry. They got caught! They want to try to find something they can pin on you so they don't feel quite as guilty about their own actions, and this gives them the means to do so. I told my ex after we split that I gathered what was up because of her strange behavior, and I knew she had been talking to her ex - she claimed she wasn't, and I told her she was full of it, and that I saw her call log. Of course, she flipped, and called me a stalker, and everything else she could think of, but the bottom line is she was busted, and she just wanted to shift some of the blame to me so she didn't have to feel so guilty...
smith604 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Dude I know how you fell trust me my last relationship went from great to bad quick after she was on the puter for hrs at a time. I use to could sit by her while she checked her myspace and email and even be there when she read them then all of a sudden if she seen me by her she would close it out and say I will check it later! One night we had a big fight and she went to stay the night at her parents house so I checked her email and myspace and damn she wrote about how she is leaving me and there was this guy who wrote her many emails saying he loved her and cant wait only 2 weeks till we are together I told her about it she said me and a freind wrote that becuse we know you have been looking at my stuff but trust her there is noone else and then you know what happend she told me move out she needed time alone to work out some problems she would call me everyday saying i love you and I have decided I want you to come back home but yet everyday she found some reasion for me to wait another day then I called her and said I will be home tonight she said good i miss you then after i got off of work and called over there the guy she has been talking to answered the phone and said dont call here or i will kick your a** i said who is this he said I am the guy who kicked your little ass out on the street 1 mth later she married him
Author supertouch Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 opponents of "snooping" usually say it's best to just talk to the person instead of snooping behind their back. i think it's a rare case where someone will actually tell you the truth and admit to cheating and lying. if i hadn't snooped on my ex, i wouldn't have found out what a sorry excuse for a human she is. the grieving process would have probably been harder had i not known what a liar and cheater she is and why she was ending the relationship.
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 but one night, I was trying to reach my bf on his cell... It was 'off'... so I thought he was at a stip joint... I drove there and yes... his big Avalanche was parked on a side street. We had a fight that day.. Since I had a key, I moved his truck to another street... hihihi... When he left the bar, at about 3 in the morning... he couldn't find his truck... so he was going to call the police...but he walked a few blocks and found it...
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 If the person has nothing to hide, he/she shouldn't be 'insulted' because the OS snooped.... I would therefore be extremely careful how I snoop... though. But, hey, one's got the right to know what's going on in his/her back... too bad, so sad... if she/he's mad, he would be kicked to the curb anyway.
Trialbyfire Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Once a liar... It depends on why you're snooping. If it's because you have a gut feeling where you're not normally insecure about things, trust it. I'm a firm believer that gut feelings are patterns or red flags your subconscious mind picks up, that your conscious mind hasn't processed yet. As for snooping, yes, I did it once with the ex-H, even to the point of hiring a PI. It was worth every effort and penny to get rid of him. If we weren't married, I would have done a little snooping myself, then shut down the relationship. If you've lost the trust, it really doesn't matter.
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