herman_dune Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 I've seen some of the other threads about on this but I'm in slightly different stage. I'm in denial: I don't want to believe I have the same chance as pigs flying. I'm too old to be like this but she is amazing... We've been friends for 2 years. She ended a serious relationship several months back. Before they broke up we were together a lot--her bf was often away. I wound up blurting out that I like her, one night (about a month after she broke up with the bf). She gave me a funny look, and told me she's not ready. Tail between my legs, I quickly hurried away; she texted me saying she kinda knew but still wanted to be friends. Unfortunately, I have stronger feelings for her today because we see each other often and usually 1:1. However, it is tapering off a little recently because she is going on blind dates (I wouldn't have known about it if not for a friend of hers that asked her about it in front of me). I'm probably initiating 75% of the stuff we do, before it was 50/50. Yup, I'm in denial: for example, she'll bring up how great friends we are and tells me to ask a random cute girl that walks by out. We have a great connection as friends, and I just wish it could be a little more. Although I know the answer to this story is this won't work, I still want to know what is the best way to try... or something I haven't heard already to get over it. thx
norajane Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 If you've never flirted with her and complimented her and make her feel like a sexy, hot woman, you're not going to get out of the friends zone because she'll never see you as a MAN. It may be too late anyway, since she's known you for a while and isn't interested. Right now you really are her back-up guy - a friend to hang out with when she doesn't have a date. Try being less available to hang out, don't initiate so much, ask other girls on dates. When you do see her, flirt, but don't be her confidante so much. Start telling her about your dates and the girls you think are hot. She may start to see you in a different light. But be prepared for that to never happen - that's why you need to be going on dates with other women.
Author herman_dune Posted August 11, 2007 Author Posted August 11, 2007 Thanks for the advice. I've started down that road about 2 weeks ago--the being less available part. It was easy because she bailed--she had a decent reason--on plans we made a month ago. That made me feel completely taken for granted. Honestly, I wasn't angry at her for long but it made me see her differently. I can see I come in second a lot. So I started gnoring her/ giving her the cold shoulder. I haven't initiated anything (it's tough for me) but we still talk & email... she sees I'm not the same so she thinks I'm mad at her but I'm not... at least not for the reason she thinks and it's more sad than mad. I feel childish. Basically, I'm acting moody which I am. She on the other hand is acting concerned, sweet, sad, and apologetic. I know her attention will soon sour, and in turn she'll be mad at me... If I do what I normally would do I'd be back where I started: I'd be in love with her. What a crappy friend I turned out to be. what's next?
bones Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 I really feel for you!!! I know exactly where you are at. Try to find a new activity and hobby to get your mind off her. Tell her you think she's terrific, but you need to branch out and start finding some new friends, and that is the reason you' ve been a little off lately. She'll understand. It will work out if she decides she's into you.
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