Hurt & Alone Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Just wondering if any 'other' one gets offended by the name other. It almost gives the appearance that the relationship that was shared was not significant. I can only speak for myself that I am me and not other. My experiance was special to me and never once thought of myself as other while the relationship lasted.
Curmudgeon Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 ...and never once thought of myself as other while the relationship lasted. You were decidedly the other woman in his life, the other other woman being his wife. That's the reality, however you wish to parse it. You shared him with another.
Tomcat33 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 So what did you consider your boyfriend's other partner, or w or whatever she was?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Just wondering if any 'other' one gets offended by the name other. It almost gives the appearance that the relationship that was shared was not significant. I can only speak for myself that I am me and not other. My experiance was special to me and never once thought of myself as other while the relationship lasted. If that's the case just consider OW to mean only woman when you read it. Nothing much else matters other than ones interpretation of reality, apparently.
PoshPrincess Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 If that's the case just consider OW to mean only woman when you read it. Nothing much else matters other than ones interpretation of reality, apparently. V true, IWWH. I personally have never been offended by the OW term. After all, I truly believe that is what I was anyway. At the time of us being together I know I was totally special to him, but, at the end of the day, he still had a W at home. The woman he married and promised to love, cherish and what have you for the rest of his life. I can't even expect to compete with that. It's when I really DID start to feel like the OW (the 'less significant other') that I knew it was never going to work out! Better to be called OW than 'bit on the side'!
child_of_isis Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Spouse is number one. You are number two. That makes you the 'other'. In reality, the OW is just second in line when it comes to women. Priorities are a different matter...children, home, job, obligations are even put before the OW No matter how special the relationship was "to you"...you were always the last in line concerning his priorities. I know it is a bitter spill to swallow, but it is best to face facts and not stay in the reality that MM fashioned for you.
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 It's just a term... OW ... can also means Orgasmic Woman...or Occasional Woman... LOL
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 ...and never once thought of myself as other while the relationship lasted. So what did you consider your boyfriend's other partner, or w or whatever she was? Good question. Did you pretend like she didn't exist?
bish Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Just wondering if any 'other' one gets offended by the name other. It almost gives the appearance that the relationship that was shared was not significant. I can only speak for myself that I am me and not other. My experiance was special to me and never once thought of myself as other while the relationship lasted. Why would anyone care if an OW/OM is offended by the word "other" seeing as how the OW/OM doesn't give a crap about the people they are an accomplice to hurting?
annabelle75 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 In reality, the OW is just second in line when it comes to women. Priorities are a different matter...children, home, job, obligations are even put before the OW Perhaps that is how you think it should be but that is not always the case. If the MM/MW had their priorities in order, they probably wouldn't have an OM/OW in the first place. I don't find the OW/OM term offensive. I don't think it infers the relationship is any less real or significant. To you the W is the other woman and to her, you are the other woman. Here on LS it is just an easy way to identify what kind of relationship it is.
IpAncA Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Spouse is number one. You are number two. That makes you the 'other'. In reality, the OW is just second in line when it comes to women. Priorities are a different matter...children, home, job, obligations are even put before the OW No matter how special the relationship was "to you"...you were always the last in line concerning his priorities. I know it is a bitter spill to swallow, but it is best to face facts and not stay in the reality that MM fashioned for you. Omg!! To think that the OW would be offended. How low can you go? Anyhow COI, I agree.
Trimmer Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 I can only speak for myself that I am me and not other. My experiance was special to me and never once thought of myself as other while the relationship lasted. I think you are mixing and confusing your sense of self - how you think of yourself and your identity in the first person, the "I" and the "me", or even the first person plural "us" and "we", within a relationship - with the way you are described in the third person (a "GF", a wife, an "OW" or whatever) which is inherently a description of your relationship to those around you. Any third person descriptions of you should not shatter or shake your sense of yourself, the importance and the identity you associate with being "me." Of course, from your perspective, you should always be "me" and not "other." But from the outside, you will always be everything from "taxpayer" to "employee" to "customer", and yes, "GF", "wife", "OW", or whatever. None of these should shake your fundamental sense of your self-identity as "me", and if they do, then you have bigger issues to resolve than what word someone else is using to describe you.
messit Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Less offended by the term "other" than by some of the venomous other-bashing that goes on here...
GreenEyedLady Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Less offended by the term "other" than by some of the venomous other-bashing that goes on here... I know, I can't believe the hate and bitterness that gets posted...so many people wearing rose colored glasses too...and I'm not talking about the "others"...
sadbuttrue Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 i have never considered being offended by the term other. it is invariably true. when we are together he does not make me feel like an "other" anything.
Author Hurt & Alone Posted July 24, 2007 Author Posted July 24, 2007 I just through it out there to see how people felt about the term. I have never been in a situtation such as this before so the term was new to me and a bit bothersome. I guess it is what it is. As far as all the negativity that happens here from a select few I can only guess that you have not been in a situation before where you are trying to come to terms with all the left over emotions and guilt that is felt or tried reaching out to others that may have had a similiar experiance.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I just through it out there to see how people felt about the term. I have never been in a situtation such as this before so the term was new to me and a bit bothersome. I guess it is what it is. As far as all the negativity that happens here from a select few I can only guess that you have not been in a situation before where you are trying to come to terms with all the left over emotions and guilt that is felt or tried reaching out to others that may have had a similiar experiance. Put people who you don't want to see posts by on ignore...Just click on their profile and add them to your ignore list... This is your life and you choose how you feel about it...I liked IWWH suggestion and was actually a little surprised that she threw it out there...(That was sweet IWWH!) If you are happy with him and the situation, why label yourself anyway? If you're not happy, then get out...R's are all about needs, make sure that yours are getting met (sorry can't remember if you're still with him)...GEL
Author Hurt & Alone Posted July 24, 2007 Author Posted July 24, 2007 Thanks for your support GEL. No I am no longer with him. His wife found out and now he acts if we are complete strangers. I live minute by minute with the memories, although he says he has turned the past several months off. I am just trying to cope with the leftovers so I can move on.
Meaplus3 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Spouse is number one. You are number two. That makes you the 'other'. In reality, the OW is just second in line when it comes to women. Priorities are a different matter...children, home, job, obligations are even put before the OW No matter how special the relationship was "to you"...you were always the last in line concerning his priorities. I know it is a bitter spill to swallow, but it is best to face facts and not stay in the reality that MM fashioned for you. Well now I must say that most likely OW is #1 in a "Fantasy Sense" and W is #1 in a "Reality "sense. Since my ea was just that and not a pa, I was never offended by the term OW, because in mm's mind ( I'm guessing)I was just a fantasy not really another woman, other than the "hot" girl nextdoor. Hurt & alone, I feel for you and am very sorry for your pain! Hugs! AP:)
Onelife Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Thanks for your support GEL. No I am no longer with him. His wife found out and now he acts if we are complete strangers. I live minute by minute with the memories, although he says he has turned the past several months off. I am just trying to cope with the leftovers so I can move on. I can relate to how you feel hurt & alone. I had never felt like I was "the other woman" while the R lasted until I realized that it was the dead end R and that my need will never be met, I have come to term with it, the other woman term. Yes, it is very hard and I know exactly what you mean about living minute by minute with the memories. If it could help, for me, it was harder - much harder six months ago when reality first hit. Now it's getting much better as the days go by and I gradually distance myself from him. Still hard but much better. I hope you will feel better soon too - Yes you will.
PoshPrincess Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Thanks for your support GEL. No I am no longer with him. His wife found out and now he acts if we are complete strangers. I live minute by minute with the memories, although he says he has turned the past several months off. I am just trying to cope with the leftovers so I can move on. Hurt & Alone, I also really feel for you and have total sympathy with what you're going through. It's weird, isn't it, but we only really realise we're the OW once it's all over? I was never jealous of exMMs W when we were together because at the time I knew I was the ONE (well, that's how he made me feel anyway). Like AP says, in a way we ARE just a fantasy, although I don't think they (the MM) realise that at the time either. We are everything that's missing in their M, but when it comes down to it and the sh*t hits the fan, the majority choose to be with the W and, yes, leftovers are exactly what we are.
Onelife Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Hurt & Alone, I also really feel for you and have total sympathy with what you're going through. It's weird, isn't it, but we only really realise we're the OW once it's all over? I was never jealous of exMMs W when we were together because at the time I knew I was the ONE (well, that's how he made me feel anyway). Like AP says, in a way we ARE just a fantasy, although I don't think they (the MM) realise that at the time either. We are everything that's missing in their M, but when it comes down to it and the sh*t hits the fan, the majority choose to be with the W and, yes, leftovers are exactly what we are. So very true PoshPrincess!
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