hoc11 Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Lately I have been feeling like I can't fully trust my gf based on some of the things she has told me about her past that dont seem consistent and some of her behavior. I have been dating her for almost 5 months now, she is a virgin (which I love and respect), I am her first serious bf (she has dated a few guys in the past) and she seems like a genuinely sweet and caring girl. However, sometimes I feel that she is not being completely honest with me. Some examples: She has told me a lot about her and her friends, ever since the beginning she has mentioned this one guy friend who is the type of guy that is a male whore etc. She admitted that in the beginning she found his bad ass image attractive but in the end she would just never settle for a guy like that and would only be with a quality guy like me. After time went on she admitted that she had made out with this guy (which she failed to mention before), which really made me feel kinda uneasy as I cant see an innocent girl like her being with a guy like him in any way, and because she always talked so negatively of him it made me wonder what would drive her to do that. Anyway, a few weeks ago her and I were out at a bar and she sees this guy (I had no idea who he was untile she told me). When she said hi he leaned in and whispered into her ear that he couldnt talk cuz his gf was there and she gets jealous. She seemed really upset about it and as we went to sit at our table she kept commenting on how rude that was, and immediately pulled out her phone to send him a text message. In the message she basically just said that it was not cool to blow her off like that etc. and he sent her one back saying his gf was jealous and he couldnt talk. I was upset that she was texting this a-hole guy from her past, but didnt say anything, but she kept saying that i seemed upset. The problem here is that night she saw that i was kinda upset and deleted him from her phone. She has always referred to this guy as a friend (but she still made out with him) and said he just wasnt that good of a friend so she would just delete him as to make me feel better (I did not ask her to delete him by the way). A few days ago we were sitting together and she signed on to facebook to check some messages. In her inbox was a message from this guy. I could not see what the message said, I only saw the title which was just a question mark. The issue i have is that she deleted him from her phone to make it seem like she would have no contact with this guy but then goes behind my back to talk to him on facebook. It just seems as though she is going behind my back on this one and its starting to bother me. I would really like to see what those messages said and am wondering if I should confront her on this issue. Do you think Im being out of line?
MikeC Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 This girl's past shouldn't really be bothering you. I mean, if she kissed this guy, how does it hurt you? From what I have read, your obvious problem with trusting her (obvious meaning you show it openly) might actually be making things worse for both of you. Just chill and go with the flow!
Cobra_X30 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Ummm... Your GF claims to be a virgin... and she is old enough to get into a bar? You should absolutely have both eyes open on this.
supertouch Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 people who seek the attention of the opposite sex usually use terms "friend" and "acquaintance" interchangeably. she thinks of him as a "friend" because she is attracted to him and wants to be intimate with him. the manner in which she speaks to you about him pretty much assures you that he isn't a true friend, but he is a "friend" to her because she wants to **** him. get real. you can tell if someone is a friend or acquaintance. i can't speak for the rest of the board, but if i'm in love with someone, i don't go out of my way to talk to female acquaintances or feel upset if they "blow me off." she was upset at the bar because she felt rejected by him and she wanted him to show her attention and to WANT her. her deleting him off her phone is just providing you with a false sense of security. however, it's evident she "likes" him and i can guarantee the moment he tries to initiate something sexual with her, she's going to fall for it. dump her before you get even more hurt.
Author hoc11 Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Wow, not exactly the responses i thought i would get. I thought everyone would jump all over me and tell me that im being paranoid. To answer some questions: Yes she is a virgin and she's 23. Im not so sure that she really wants to **** him, we've been dating 5 months and she hasnt even slept with me yet. She is very adament about waiting until the right time. I know her whole family, she comes from a great family with strong morals and she is a very very sweet, innocent girl. She has never drank, smoked or done a drug in her life so I believe that she really is a virgin. She actually told me she has never done anything further than making out with another guy, Im the furthest she's gone with. Because of her personality and how good things have been besides this, I am afraid to bring it up just in case Im wrong and I am being paranoid. She does have a lot of guy friends who I have met and are truly JUST friends. Do you think I should investigate this further, like try and get onto her facebook or confront her on it? Supertouch, you make a good point about her being upset with him, thats exactly how i felt when it happened, that if she didnt care she would have just blown him off, not text him immediately.
supertouch Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 many people don't advocate doing this, but if you have a gut feeling that she's not committed to you and that she "likes" this guy, then i say log into her facebook for whatever period of time you think is warranted and see if something's up. most wouldn't advocate doing so, but it's something i would do if i felt something was fishy in a relationship. i wouldn't confront her about it. chances are that she'll lie to you anyway to keep you around. if you find something incriminating tell her "arrivederci" and never look back.
Author hoc11 Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Yeah, I have had a gut feeling ever since this happened. Not that I think she's secretly seeing him or anything, I know she's not, it's more like Ive just had a different feeling like things changed that night it happened. Before that I felt like it was just her and I, and I would never have to worry about her doing things like that (because none of her friends, including this guy, live in the area and because she seems so sweet and honest), but now Im just now so sure, I feel more uneasy about things. Im afraid i might feel guilty about going onto her fb, and am not exactly sure how to get onto it. Any tips?
Author hoc11 Posted July 24, 2007 Author Posted July 24, 2007 I would also like to mention that she did not try to hide these text messages or him from me at the bar. She actually asked me what to say to him in the text. I think she is just so innocent/naive that she didnt think something like that would bother me. She also logged into her fb right next to me knowing that I could see her messages, so its not like she was hiding it from me. I would just like to see exactly what was said and who contacted whom after that night. Or is this a bad idea and should I leave it alone?
supertouch Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 watch her type in her password or see if her password is saved on her computer.
peace_pipe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Yes, spying on each other always improves the relationship. And YES trust issues with your girlfriend are always warranted. Always have to keep one eye open.
miabobia Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Being a 23yr old virgin isn't uncommon. As for your girlfriend, the fact that you are her first serious relationship shows that she's picky about the guys she's intimate with. Unfortunately, being a virgin means she doesn't have alot of heavy, emotional, guy-girl relationship experience. She's not sure about protocol in dealing with a jealous, upset boyfriend. This guy she use to be involved with, was apart of her evaluating what she needs in a relationship: a bad boy, or someone she can truly connect with. She's trying to organize him into the categories, and she doens't have to do that. I wouldn't be worried about trust. She hasn't lied to you. Lying would entail her saying they didnt do anything with this guy. She just needs something different to focus on, and while she doens't want a male whore, she does seem hungry for some romance.
Author hoc11 Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 Being a 23yr old virgin isn't uncommon. As for your girlfriend, the fact that you are her first serious relationship shows that she's picky about the guys she's intimate with. Unfortunately, being a virgin means she doesn't have alot of heavy, emotional, guy-girl relationship experience. She's not sure about protocol in dealing with a jealous, upset boyfriend. This guy she use to be involved with, was apart of her evaluating what she needs in a relationship: a bad boy, or someone she can truly connect with. She's trying to organize him into the categories, and she doens't have to do that. I wouldn't be worried about trust. She hasn't lied to you. Lying would entail her saying they didnt do anything with this guy. She just needs something different to focus on, and while she doens't want a male whore, she does seem hungry for some romance. I kind of felt this way too. That she is just so inexperienced that she doesnt know any better. I guess the thing that gets to me is that if she is talking to this guy after the fact it kind of means she's lying to me and I then wonder- if she could lie about this then she could be lying to me about anything and everything, including being a virgin (I read a post on here saying that girls often make themselves out to be more innocent than they really are). The thing that always bothered me about this is that I cant see a guy like him stopping and being satisfied with just making out, that they always get more, so I dont see how that situation went down with them making out and him being a male whore and being cool with only getting that.
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