uniqueone Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I'm dealing with both ends of the stick....sure keeps me busy.... I am dealing with the loss of someone (he won't talk to me anymore) and then there is someone else that I told I could no longer be friends with. This was a guy who liked me...too much. He was saying he loved me on the third date and we'd just been going out for coffee. After a month and a half, he mentioned how he thought of me moving in with him. We still were just going out to dinner a few times a week and the most we'd done is a goodnight kiss (he would have done more but I didn't want more). I realized I had to do something and talked to him about just going out as friends. Things improved...he said he was fine with that. Last week, he kept pressuring me for more and wouldn't let up so I finally told him that I didn't think we could be friends. He said some very cruel things to me. He knew I'd been dealing with some very upsetting issues in my life and how I'd been feeling and he used the things I'd confided in him to hurt me. Then he patronized me acting as if my reaction to what he said was all due to depression...as he knew I'd been depressed about things lately. He didn't apologize, not even the next day. I could see someone maybe saying mean things out of hurt but I would expect them to feel remorse later. We e-mailed again a bit this week. It ended the other day with him trying to diagnose me with the condition that his ex wife had. He listed all the symptoms and I was able to prove him wrong all most all of them. At one point he wrote to leave him alone. I responded. He then told me that my inabilty to leave him alone after he requested it was one of the symptoms and that he hopes he wouldn't have to block me but that he might have to in order to set boundaries. I told him that I'll just block him and that'll solve the problem. Then he emailed me twice more asking "So am I blocked?" I just deleted them. Today I received an email from him titled "Missing You" and telling me how he's missing me, is sorry and wants to talk to me again, etc..... Part of me still wants to talk to him....at least before when I had him, I at least had someone to talk to. Now I have no one. But I dont think I can go back to that. I guess I'm just having a moment of weakness. And for those who are younger here....I hate to tell you this but it doesn't get any better when you get older. The conversation above sounds like two teenagers but we are both old enough to have grown kids. For some reason, romantically, people don't tend to age. I guess because it's based on emotion instead of logic.
Chinook Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Good lord lady, you're having a tough time of things. Okay the N guy, you can't do much about at the moment, but to be fair I don't think you will need to. Once he realises as you say, that he's off your radar, he'll be back. You can set boundaries for a friendship with him then. Meantime you have to tough it out. As for the second guy, who professed love after a couple of weeks. It doesn't seem to me that you're that into him more than friends and when you've tried to explain that, he's taken offense at it. Right now, you don't really need that level of drama in your life. I would keep ignoring him. I know it's hard when you're alone without people around you. I'm pretty much the same, most of my friends are married with children and busy lives to live. Then on the occasions my girlfriends and I do get together, I have to sit through THEIR relationship and kid issues. Not easy. Hang in there. Keep talking here. We're always here to help
Author uniqueone Posted July 22, 2007 Author Posted July 22, 2007 I know it's hard when you're alone without people around you. I'm pretty much the same, most of my friends are married with children and busy lives to live. Then on the occasions my girlfriends and I do get together, I have to sit through THEIR relationship and kid issues. Not easy. Hang in there. Keep talking here. We're always here to help Thanks Chinook. It's been so great to have this place to turn to. You know I used to meet people online (personals) but lately no one interesting was contacting me which was making me feel worse. And not only that, but I look terrible lately...probably due to the stress. I feel like if people met me based on my pictures they'd be disappointed. So how does that help me go out and meet people? I even tried yesterday to go to a park I never go to in order to maybe come across a new crowd but people are all into themselves and as for men, I don't even feel like they looked twice at me. Maybe I should just sit at home.
Chinook Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I think what I did last time this happened I joined a running club. I like running anyway but I prefer to run alone usually. But the club has social occasions and weekly meetings for Sunday lunch - so that kinda helps. It depends what you're into I guess. I've never really been big on the online dating and personals thing because I've always found making friends one-to-one difficult. Maybe an online forum like this but with your interests as the focus - then maybe meeting up with those people at social occasions in a group first might help you branch out a little. Also, there are a lot of friends sites out there, rather than just the personals and dating things. I found a few new friends mainly through doing things locally though.
Author uniqueone Posted July 22, 2007 Author Posted July 22, 2007 That's funny you mention a running club because I've considered that. Although as far as I know, they only get together for runs. You can advertise on their site for a running partner though. Problem is....I really don't like running. I'm very active, but just not with running. I wish I liked it because that's what there seems to be clubs for. What kind of friendship clubs are you talking about?
Chinook Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 There is one called http://www.makefriendsonline.com which I have found to be useful in the past. You can either enter for dating or just friends and they have alot of useful local social events which you can go to (the one based in the UK did anyhow).
Author uniqueone Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 There is one called www.makefriendsonline.com which I have found to be useful in the past. You can either enter for dating or just friends and they have alot of useful local social events which you can go to (the one based in the UK did anyhow). ok, I'll check that one out...thanks. If anyone knows of any others...or anything....feel free to let me know.
madgun68 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 There are lots of places to try meeting people. Local sporting events, church (for those religous), stores (just pick anything to start a conversation.. weather, some item they're picking up) or even local bars (some people just go there in the hopes of meeting people. They're not all bar flies.) Heck, anywhere there are people.. If someone seems interesting, start up a conversation. The worst thing that can happen is nothing at all.
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