Having major problems (moved to right forum)

[Tm in LV]

Having major problems

I have been a member here and posted here before....same problems....under a different name.....

 

My wife and I have been married for 9 and a half years and we have a 4 year old daughter.

 

Things haven't been good in our relationship for a long time. I dont even know if they have ever been good. I am in the military and I went to Korea alone for a year. I was 100% faithful while I was there, unlike most people that were there.

 

When I came back, our relationship got worse and worse. I came back with a horrible attitude. I didnt want to go to Korea and I missed out on the first year of my daughters life.

 

My wife and I have been fighting over pretty much everything from money to school to raising our daughter to old girlfriends/boyfriends....you name it, we have fought about it. We have both become verbally abusive to each other, even in front of our daughter.

 

My wife says I dont respect her and I say she doesnt appreciate me. I work full time and have a second job teaching at the local community college and I also do all the cooking and at least half of the cleaning in the house. I make sure she has breakfast, lunch and dinner made for her and I always make sure she has clean uniforms for work. She works part time at a hospital and takes classes, one at a time. (the source of a lot of our fighting is that she has been in school since 1992 off and on).

 

We havent had sex in three weeks and frankly, the last few times before that, it was purely physical, there was no love, no emotion, nothing, just sex.

 

The fight we had tonight was over something really stupid, mostly my fault but it just led to so much other stuff being said. I signed up for a myspace page to get in touch with some of my old friends and to keep up with my younger brother who is always on it. My wife's cousin has had all kinds of problems with her husband talking to other girls, etc. She didnt think it was a good idea but I told her it wasnt a big deal. I had an open account, anyone could see it and things were fine.

 

One of her friends came over and said we should set our account to private, I didnt want to, but I did it anyway. Well, one of my old friends, a woman, who my wife doesnt like, asked to be approved as one of my friends. I clicked approve. I told my wife that it happened, she was upset and told me to take her off. I didnt. Not out of spite but just because I felt like she was bossing me around. This was a few weeks ago.

 

I never talked to this woman, never emailed her, never sent her a message, nothing. My wife logged into my account and saw that she was on my friends list and then lost it at me.

 

One of the things that has been the worst about our relationship is that we never let anything from the past go. We fight about stuff all the time. I honestly could care less about her talking to any of her friends from high school, guys or girls. We have been married long enough that I could honestly care less. She is different.

 

I know that I should be more respectful of her feelings about other women but we have been together for 10 years and I have never cheated on her.

 

She said tonight that she hates me and wants to get a divorce because she cant handle it anymore. We have had this fight at least 50 times in the last three years.

 

I dont know where to go from here. We said some awful things to each other tonight, and other nights and saying "Im sorry" seems so empty.

 

I dont want a divorce but I cant live like this anymore, our marriage seems so empty. Everyone keeps telling us to go to counseling but we cant afford it and our schedules just wouldn't allow it. MY wife also grew up in a religious family and they arent really big on counseling.