Displaced Yankee Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I'm a bit of a planner by nature and this whole divorce thing has me wondering about some issues I never thought I would have to face again. I realized that I don't know how to date anymore. Isn't that the oddest thing to be flustered about. I haven't dated since I was 18. You tend to lose a few skills in 14 years. I wouldn't even know how to go about meeting members of the opposite sex in anything other then a professional capacity. Plus, I'm pretty sure that dating in your teens is completely different then dating in your thirties. Also, most of my friends are part of "couples" how does the uncoupled person fit into that arrangement? How do you continue to socialize when most events are geared towards couples? Ugh, this is the one thing I hadn't considered when putting this whole process in motion. Not that it's going to stop me, but it does cause me to think and maybe obsess a bit. Nikki
kenfrance Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Hey Nikki, First of all it sounds like you are doing alright with the divorce since your main concern is daring. Good job-- you must of have done a lot of good soul searching to get to that point. I do have a question for you-- do you have kids and if so what are their ages. That often has an influence on the whole dating thing. My commitment to my kids and their process of understanding their mom's relationship to me (well, to all of us) has pretty much stopped my ability to date.
AHIWON Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I had the same worries after being out of the whole dating scene for 13 years. I was worried about meeting someone else. Didn't know if I had to skills to do so. I tried bars/pubs at first. Easy to meet women in bars but none of them were the kind of women I found even remotely interesting. Some of them even in a marriage. Can't see myself ever being the other man.....ever. I tried online dating and met more very interesting women than I could even keep track of. None of this stuff existed 13 years ago. I'm sold. I met a wonderful woman, deleted my online dating profile and have been watching my new relationship flourish and grow over the last 3 months. I now laugh at how worried I was about meeting someone else. That fear is gone now, there are tonnes of great women out there.
Lean On Me Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I'm a bit of a planner by nature and this whole divorce thing has me wondering about some issues I never thought I would have to face again. I realized that I don't know how to date anymore. Isn't that the oddest thing to be flustered about. I haven't dated since I was 18. You tend to lose a few skills in 14 years. I wouldn't even know how to go about meeting members of the opposite sex in anything other then a professional capacity. Plus, I'm pretty sure that dating in your teens is completely different then dating in your thirties. Also, most of my friends are part of "couples" how does the uncoupled person fit into that arrangement? How do you continue to socialize when most events are geared towards couples? Ugh, this is the one thing I hadn't considered when putting this whole process in motion. Not that it's going to stop me, but it does cause me to think and maybe obsess a bit. Nikki You will find the right person.
Sweet Chestnut Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 that should be the last of your problem right now. it will come. Training make master.. you will have to try and try agian until you get good at it, and anyway it doesnt matter. just be you.
Gunny376 Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Dating in essesnce is a game, and the reason so many of us get married to the first one that comes along ~ is because we never comprehend, let alone fully grasp the rules of the game. And like any game ~ its frustrating until you've learned the rules of the game. Once mastered ~ it becomes fun. Take the time to learn the rules, to understand them, comprehend them ~ master them. The best way is to just go about your day to day business ~ and let people know that you're available and interested. For the love of God ~ if you find someone that you're interested in then let them know. This isn't the 1950's. Just a simple "I find you interesting and I'd like to get to know you better!" would suffice. Clearly define what you're looking for and all the more important what you're not looking for. Women are much more in the driver's seat than men, because ultimately they get to decide who they're intimate with. Some good books on the subject? Guerrilla Dating Tactics, Strategies, Tips, and Secrets For Finding Rommnace by Sharyn Wolf, ISBNo# 0-452-28011-7 ~ Penguin Books Dating For Dummies byy Dr Joy Browne, ISBNo. 0-7645-5072-1 ~ IDG Books The Everything Dating Book ~ How To Meet New People ~ Where To Go, And What to Say- Make The Most of Every Date byt Leah and Elina Furman. ISBNo# 1-58062-185-6 (For those that don't know ISBNo. # are what you order books by at the bookstore.)
Author Displaced Yankee Posted July 22, 2007 Author Posted July 22, 2007 Thanks for the great advice all. To answer some questions and address some issues ... I'm 32 with a 6 y/o son. So dating isn't exactly high on my priority list. It was just one of those issues that popped into my head that I hadn't thought about how to deal with. Being a planner by nature, that bothered me. To be honest, I've had a marriage, so I'm not worried about dying an old maid, or getting married before I turn 30. I have a child, so my bilogical clock isn't ticking. I have a good job, with great benefits, and the divorce, while it will leave me financially poorer and with a decreased standard of living, it's not like I will be homeless or eating Ramen noodles for breakfast lunch and dinner. I think what concerns me most Is that I don't know how to function when not a part of a couple socially. Even though my spouse was never around and I had no problems going out and about then. It seems that married people (at least this has been my observation) don't want to socialize frequently with the recently uncoupled woman. I was "safe" when I was part of a couple (even if the other half of the couple wasn't there). I've seen it happen to a few friends, it's almost as if they think divorce is contagious, or the new divorcee is on the hunt for a new man. Since most of my social circle consists of married people (at least locally) I have a bit of a fear of getting the social cold shoulder. Maybe I'm just borrowing trouble from tomorrow and need to lighten up. Nikki
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