Found love letter in H's car from exGF, my heart is broken

[IpAncA]

Well I think it's time you both sat down and talked about it. You've cheated, he's doing who knows what. Time to get this out and see if anything is worth saving in the relationship.

[Love is Tragic]

Okay, now I read some of your past. I get the idea that both of you have cheated on each other. And now you are indignant that he may be doing it again. Just on July 15th you debated whether you really wanted to stay in this marriage. Do you love and trust this man? And strange as it may seem, why do you think he should trust YOU? I understand that you feel a lot of pain right now, but maybe this marriage has been over before you found this letter? To blame your husband for cheating is rather interesting when you also have/had a MM. BTW, did your H know about your affair?

 

 

 

The above quote is from your own thread. This was on the 13th. Now you discover a letter addressed to your husband and HE is the bad guy?

 

The next quote is from June. It sounds like your affair with the MM is no big deal and should have no effect on your marriage. Yet when you find a letter from an ex-GF to your H...well, it DOES have an effect, doesn't it?

 

 

 

On July 8, I see that you suspected your husband. Is this the first time that he has had an affair during your marriage? Has he ever found out about yours?

 

 

 

My suggestion is that if you want to continue with your husband, then both of you should come clean with your affairs. For you to confront him about his, and then avoid telling him about yours is quite wrong. However, I suspect that he may know more than you think. It will be an interesting conversation, I think.

 

Well for one, if youve read all my previous posts, youll find that my H and i previously tried out an open marriage, which he ended because he was too jealous over me being with another man. He claimed the open marriage was a mistake, that he didnt want to continue sleeping with other women,and so on. So if he is cheating NOW, he will be in some deep ****, especially when he could have permission, but didnt want me doing the same things he was out doing. So i obviously wouldnt be posting this just to be a hypocrite-yes, i was in an affair, which is now over.

[Love is Tragic]

If they loved each other they wont do that and she wont write what she wrote about her affair. She seemd to be pretty happy about it and cynical about her husband, like enjoying it very much, and being even laughing at him. Not ashame or embarassed at all.

Thats people who are against hippy and free thinkers and liberal, talking and making conservative way of life, with we are married with kids and job in good neighbourghood, while being hypicrite to the marv, and just having a free sex life with multiple partners and no condoms.. at home..and being as dishonnest as can be with themselves and with the perosn they share their life with.

Well, not all their life as we can see.

Ok, if honnest about it, and doing it opnely admitting it, but like that nad crying about him "cheating her" like that and in the same forum where she brag about cheating him, and at a week to days intercal, thats too much.

Maybe he got to know about it, and thats why he rekindled with his ex.

Or ask her to make a fake love letter, just to give her a payback.

Looks like there is 2 couples into deep, here.

Also the story to wait until the bday party of the kid is over!..??!

what for? to keep appearences?

Gee! thats all what count for those people or what?

WHAT OTHERS MIGHT THINK AND SAY..?

Baaa! this is too low to even think about it.

When I see that i think that the extreeme opposite keeping virgin until marriage and staying in total fidelity with the oen you married aint so bad at all, and much better thna such a mess.

Maybe she did keep virgin until she got married! sure there si some that do so. So they are clean! lol! and they can cheat, but first once married..!

better have tried out first, and know what you want beofre giving a serment that bind you for life.. and making babies that will be bind to it for life and not just on a paper!

This is sick.

Doing it is one thing, and already bad enough, but coming here to cry about it and ask for advice... hidding the rest, thats taking fox for fools.

 

 

For one, i have never bragged about cheating on my H. Its not something i was proud of, although it is over now. Thats fine if you want to 'rat' me out over my previous threads, but at least get it right. Hubby is being a hypocrite for ending the open marriage because he was too jealous, so ill be damned if hes going to go out and cheat and expect to have his cake and eat it too, and expect me to remain faithful while he is out cheating. I dont think so. Im not being hypocritical, im stating the truth. If everyone feels the need to rat each other out on their sins, they should at least have all the correct information.

[Love is Tragic]

Ok, so my H and i talked on the phone, and he claims it was an old letter, from when we were separated briefly, and almost 4 years old. Says he forgot all about it, had it in his car this whole time and forgot about it.

Says he hasnt been talking to her, or anyone else. Im still not sure whether or not to believe him but he sounded pretty honest. So who knows? He claims he hasnt been up to anything, that hes happy, and if wanted to be with someone else he would leave.

[Lizzie60]

Ok, so my H and i talked on the phone, and he claims it was an old letter, from when we were separated briefly, and almost 4 years old. Says he forgot all about it, had it in his car this whole time and forgot about it.

Says he hasnt been talking to her, or anyone else. Im still not sure whether or not to believe him but he sounded pretty honest. So who knows? He claims he hasnt been up to anything, that hes happy, and if wanted to be with someone else he would leave.

 

He hasn't cleaned his car in 4 years????

[Chinook]

He hasn't cleaned his car in 4 years????

 

[coy grin]

 

It's possible Lizzie...

 

Um I gave my car back to the dealer last week, last time it had been cleaned was when they gave it to me 3 years before

[Love is Tragic]

He hasn't cleaned his car in 4 years????

 

Well, it was in the little pocket behind the drivers side seat. Which i can sorta believe cuz when i found the letter, there were a couple other letters(from me) scattered around too, so our daughter must have gotten into the pocket.

[Sweet Chestnut]

For one, i have never bragged about cheating on my H. Its not something i was proud of, although it is over now. Thats fine if you want to 'rat' me out over my previous threads, but at least get it right. Hubby is being a hypocrite for ending the open marriage because he was too jealous, so ill be damned if hes going to go out and cheat and expect to have his cake and eat it too, and expect me to remain faithful while he is out cheating. I dont think so. Im not being hypocritical, im stating the truth. If everyone feels the need to rat each other out on their sins, they should at least have all the correct information.

 

Correct informations that you never gave!

 

and yes, saying that he could better than your husband and how good a time you were ahving with that married guy is bragging.

 

I didnt went after all your posts in that forum! i read what you wrote here, and it isnt the same if you 2 have been into an open marriage before!

I got to know about oyur escapades by other users, but it is you who should have mentioned that one, instead you put it as if you were always the faithfull wife while he was having an in and out affair with his ex.. which i presumed was an ex beofre you 2 got married. But maybe that wasnt to be understood that way?

You maybe ment and ex from the time during your marriage that you 2 had an agreement about doing the open marriage experiemnt..?

And how should readers here know about htat unless you say so?

I think this is really too low. How can you expect to have a standard marriage with a faithfull husband when the 2 of you had no problems at cheating one another?

I dont see at all why you are married. For what?

And how can oyu come here and said now that your cheating things was when it was an open marriage deal, that now has ended, when your last record of affair is of less then 2 weeks ago??

that doesnt make sense. And if it is the case, and that you recently agreed about stoping this kind of things and getting straight, by stopping to have multiple sexual partners, then you are not very vclever, as this letter you found could as well have been from 2 weks ago or more when the deal was still on with open marriage.

So all what oyu said is very misleading. When did the 2 of you agreed about not having an open marriage any more?

If thats a week ago, then whats the big deal about that letter you found in his car?

Beside you dont expect an ex that is in love of your husband to switch off the flame just cuz your guy got a change of mind. Do you?

And if he did so cause he was jealous then whats the problem? maybe he put that letter that is from old time just to shake oyu a bit or its there cause he didnt care about it and it just fallen there, and it prove that he doesnt give a damn about that girl, nor did while he was dating her, and thats also why he wanted the 2 of you to stop that open marriage thing, cause he rather be with you than with her.

So talk with him about that letter, but cool down, cause their might well be nothing behind it.

You are funny oyu know that? First you present yourself as the whiote snow wife which husband is cheating and never kept his word.. and then you are th eone agreeeing to go with an open marriage thing, until less than 2 weeks ago, and now you think your anger is justified and call your self the faithfull wife, just cause the old deal got changed and now it must be straight marriage... sorry, but i do not agree.

Being faithfull for a week, doesnt entitle you to make such a scene about a love letter in his car. knowing that youboth cheating by common accord for long, and only quited a week ago or so, cant be such a surprise to found an old condom here, or an old love letter there..

You do what you want with your life, but using 2 sets of moral must be quiet of a juggling act for both of you, and specialy the one show you seems to have going in here 2 weeks ago, for now switching to the poor cheated faithfull wife, which husband always cheated on and never kept his word.. you never mentioned in this thread that the word he gave you wasnt about a prenuptial gf he had before meeting you, but about one of his ex-sssssssssssssss sex encounters during the marriage, and that he had with your blessing back then.

I think you are unbalanced. It is evident that such a deal can never lead to any good and that being truthfull will just be in the hands of haphhazard and possible encounters you and him might have. No matter the nature of the new deal you 2 made. You too you want your cake and eat it. You want the open one, with vent to be closed again, until next time.

You love someone and are all for that one, or you dont love the person, but just like the person.

You said yourself that the chemistry between you and that affair you had up to lat week, was exceptional, you hadnt such with your husband. So, it says it all. Maybe you need to think yoru marriage through. I dont see why you married at all.

If you want to can chose and switch yoru partners hten dotn stay married. As for that letter, as i said above, might just be from 2 or 3 weeks ago, you cant know, and anyway it is far too early for you to get mad at him for that when the new deal was made such a few days ago.

Maybe you like that kind of thing.

I cant understand how you didnt thought about it yourself knowing all the details that you hide from us at the beginning. That oopen marrriage thing "up to 2 weeks ago" is central here. It make that letter into nothing at all. A rest from last week, or before. or that gf who hasnt switched to "ex" yet. Maybe she wasnt asked about your change of deal..???

This is insane. Thats a hurting game hurting many people. this married guys wife, and this gf of your H who now is going to be an ex.. butnow maybe oyu got a slight feeling about how the wife of your ex married bf must have feel. and is feeling now.

 

Many people are too stupid to be call adults, and if there was a license to be alowed to drive ones life, you wont be driving yours and nor will your husband. Thats what happen to people who have too few problems in their life, they get borred, and create some to pass the time.

[Sweet Chestnut]

Ok, so my H and i talked on the phone, and he claims it was an old letter, from when we were separated briefly, and almost 4 years old. Says he forgot all about it, had it in his car this whole time and forgot about it.

Says he hasnt been talking to her, or anyone else. Im still not sure whether or not to believe him but he sounded pretty honest. So who knows? He claims he hasnt been up to anything, that hes happy, and if wanted to be with someone else he would leave.

 

thats exactly what i was saying and what you should have think yourself knowing that you just stopped being in an open marriage for a week ago only.

problem is you dont trust him at all, and cant even think on your own. When things were so straight forward and that youhad an open marriage running up to a week ago, i dont see the problem norr big dilema into just asking him about it, right on the spot, when you found that letter.

You made it into a huge catastrophy, making it sound like if you 2 had never cheated on one another and you were the faithful couple, and this was going to break the marriage cause he was having an affair, when it is nothing of the kind.

And going in a forum for such a little thing.

Gosh! i cant believe this!

[whichwayisup]

Ok, so my H and i talked on the phone, and he claims it was an old letter, from when we were separated briefly, and almost 4 years old. Says he forgot all about it, had it in his car this whole time and forgot about it.

Says he hasnt been talking to her, or anyone else. Im still not sure whether or not to believe him but he sounded pretty honest. So who knows? He claims he hasnt been up to anything, that hes happy, and if wanted to be with someone else he would leave.

 

You two need to decide TOGETHER what your marriage is about. Get some marriage counselling in for the sake of your daughter.

 

I do remember your previous posts now, and honestly, maybe you two need to say your vows to eachother again, that is, IF you both really love eachother and want to stay married. Get some counselling too, it will help sort out the bad feelings, jealously, hurt, etc...

[Love is Tragic]

The open marriage thing was almost a YEAR ago, not one or two weeks. It was months ago that he put a stop to that. I dont know where everyone is getting their info, but i never said we had an open marriage until 2 weeks ago!! And i didnt have multiple partners during that time, as many of you are seeming to believe. My H slept with two other women during that time and i slept with ONE other man during that time, and only one freaking time!! until he got jealous and decided to not do it any longer.

 

And i cant possibly fit all my history into one thread, so sorry for leaving out the open marriage info. I just wanted advice on what to do about the letter, and how to approach him. If that makes me hypocritical,then so be it. My affair is over, it was over about 4months ago, that was the last time i saw him. I have NOT cheated since and i dont plan on it. It cracks me up how everyone else can give this 'so-called advice' as if they have never made a mistake before. now THATS hypocritical

[JamesM]

For one, i have never bragged about cheating on my H. Its not something i was proud of, although it is over now. Thats fine if you want to 'rat' me out over my previous threads, but at least get it right. Hubby is being a hypocrite for ending the open marriage because he was too jealous, so ill be damned if hes going to go out and cheat and expect to have his cake and eat it too, and expect me to remain faithful while he is out cheating. I dont think so. Im not being hypocritical, im stating the truth. If everyone feels the need to rat each other out on their sins, they should at least have all the correct information.

 

Why is it over? Is it because the MM simply disappeared? Or is it because you both mutually ended it? And remember, you posted July 15th that you still loved your MM...did you tell your husband about your affair when you "talked" about finding that letter? Or is he still innocently believing that YOU have been faithful to him?

 

If I am not mistaken, you had an affair that he never knew about, correct?

 

And here you are/were immediately assuming that he was cheating on you...and you were heartbroken?

 

I guess what I am saying is that I for one am very confused. The fact that you were in an affair means that you should be more understanding that he was in an affair. I think that being righteously angry/hurt is not an option.

 

I have found that when I need help here...all information should be presented to get complete and helpful answers. And yes, the fact that you were in an affair and had and open marriage is relevant.

[Love is Tragic]

Correct informations that you never gave!

 

and yes, saying that he could better than your husband and how good a time you were ahving with that married guy is bragging.

 

I didnt went after all your posts in that forum! i read what you wrote here, and it isnt the same if you 2 have been into an open marriage before!

I got to know about oyur escapades by other users, but it is you who should have mentioned that one, instead you put it as if you were always the faithfull wife while he was having an in and out affair with his ex.. which i presumed was an ex beofre you 2 got married. But maybe that wasnt to be understood that way?

You maybe ment and ex from the time during your marriage that you 2 had an agreement about doing the open marriage experiemnt..?

And how should readers here know about htat unless you say so?

I think this is really too low. How can you expect to have a standard marriage with a faithfull husband when the 2 of you had no problems at cheating one another?

I dont see at all why you are married. For what?

And how can oyu come here and said now that your cheating things was when it was an open marriage deal, that now has ended, when your last record of affair is of less then 2 weeks ago??

that doesnt make sense. And if it is the case, and that you recently agreed about stoping this kind of things and getting straight, by stopping to have multiple sexual partners, then you are not very vclever, as this letter you found could as well have been from 2 weks ago or more when the deal was still on with open marriage.

So all what oyu said is very misleading. When did the 2 of you agreed about not having an open marriage any more?

If thats a week ago, then whats the big deal about that letter you found in his car?

Beside you dont expect an ex that is in love of your husband to switch off the flame just cuz your guy got a change of mind. Do you?

And if he did so cause he was jealous then whats the problem? maybe he put that letter that is from old time just to shake oyu a bit or its there cause he didnt care about it and it just fallen there, and it prove that he doesnt give a damn about that girl, nor did while he was dating her, and thats also why he wanted the 2 of you to stop that open marriage thing, cause he rather be with you than with her.

So talk with him about that letter, but cool down, cause their might well be nothing behind it.

You are funny oyu know that? First you present yourself as the whiote snow wife which husband is cheating and never kept his word.. and then you are th eone agreeeing to go with an open marriage thing, until less than 2 weeks ago, and now you think your anger is justified and call your self the faithfull wife, just cause the old deal got changed and now it must be straight marriage... sorry, but i do not agree.

Being faithfull for a week, doesnt entitle you to make such a scene about a love letter in his car. knowing that youboth cheating by common accord for long, and only quited a week ago or so, cant be such a surprise to found an old condom here, or an old love letter there..

You do what you want with your life, but using 2 sets of moral must be quiet of a juggling act for both of you, and specialy the one show you seems to have going in here 2 weeks ago, for now switching to the poor cheated faithfull wife, which husband always cheated on and never kept his word.. you never mentioned in this thread that the word he gave you wasnt about a prenuptial gf he had before meeting you, but about one of his ex-sssssssssssssss sex encounters during the marriage, and that he had with your blessing back then.

I think you are unbalanced. It is evident that such a deal can never lead to any good and that being truthfull will just be in the hands of haphhazard and possible encounters you and him might have. No matter the nature of the new deal you 2 made. You too you want your cake and eat it. You want the open one, with vent to be closed again, until next time.

You love someone and are all for that one, or you dont love the person, but just like the person.

You said yourself that the chemistry between you and that affair you had up to lat week, was exceptional, you hadnt such with your husband. So, it says it all. Maybe you need to think yoru marriage through. I dont see why you married at all.

If you want to can chose and switch yoru partners hten dotn stay married. As for that letter, as i said above, might just be from 2 or 3 weeks ago, you cant know, and anyway it is far too early for you to get mad at him for that when the new deal was made such a few days ago.

Maybe you like that kind of thing.

I cant understand how you didnt thought about it yourself knowing all the details that you hide from us at the beginning. That oopen marrriage thing "up to 2 weeks ago" is central here. It make that letter into nothing at all. A rest from last week, or before. or that gf who hasnt switched to "ex" yet. Maybe she wasnt asked about your change of deal..???

This is insane. Thats a hurting game hurting many people. this married guys wife, and this gf of your H who now is going to be an ex.. butnow maybe oyu got a slight feeling about how the wife of your ex married bf must have feel. and is feeling now.

 

Many people are too stupid to be call adults, and if there was a license to be alowed to drive ones life, you wont be driving yours and nor will your husband. Thats what happen to people who have too few problems in their life, they get borred, and create some to pass the time.

 

 

In fact, looking back on my previous posts, i NEVER mentioned that the open marriage ended merely a week or 2 ago, it was almost a year ago! It cracks me up how everyone is so quick to judge everyone else's transgressions when they have made-up info. i dont know where you are getting your wrong info, but its pretty funny.

[Love is Tragic]

Why is it over? Is it because the MM simply disappeared? Or is it because you both mutually ended it? And remember, you posted July 15th that you still loved your MM...did you tell your husband about your affair when you "talked" about finding that letter? Or is he still innocently believing that YOU have been faithful to him?

 

If I am not mistaken, you had an affair that he never knew about, correct?

 

And here you are/were immediately assuming that he was cheating on you...and you were heartbroken?

 

I guess what I am saying is that I for one am very confused. The fact that you were in an affair means that you should be more understanding that he was in an affair. I think that being righteously angry/hurt is not an option.

 

I have found that when I need help here...all information should be presented to get complete and helpful answers. And yes, the fact that you were in an affair and had and open marriage is relevant.

 

 

H doesnt know about the affair. I see no reason to hurt him by telling him when its over. If thats hypocritical, then so be it. There are so many factors involved with my A i couldnt possibly list them all here. I havent had any physical contact with MM in over 4 months, going on 5. I dont plan to either. Ive discovered he is pretty much an emotional mess, it was a huge mistake, and i wasnt treated well by him in the end. Yes, i do love him, but more in the way that a friend loves another friend. I will always love him as he is my friend above all, and i care about him. But the last 2 conversations we had were friendly, that is all.

 

About my H's possible affair, it bothers me so much because it is an ex GF who he has snuck around with for years, and lied to me numerous times about having NC with her, and this went on over 10 times. probably closer to 20 times. If it was a random girl he was fooling around with, it wouldnt bother me NEAR as much as it does thinking that he is with the ex GF. In fact, if H was still cool with the open marriage, i would have no problem with it at all. Everyone is making me out to be the horrible person, and making my H out to be a perfect angel. Absolutely not true. Yes, ive screwed up, ive made my share of mistakes, but that does not entitle me to the scarlet letter that these replies are damning me to.

 

My H or my daughter are not neglected in the least, i go out of my way to be a good wife and mother. I just feel that i am not being taken care of in the same way by my H, maybe thats why i had the EA/PA. I am done with the affair either way.

[Lean On Me]

To add to this, this is one of the worst freaking timings for me to find out about this. We are taking a week of vacation together for family time and to have a b-day party for our daughter. I just cant believe my ****ty luck, this is so horrible. Do i confront him now?? or just wait?? i just dont think i can act like nothing is wrong for over a week!! Do i confront the OW?? I have her numbers.

 

Well, being a tough cookie as I am. I would wait and get through the vacation. Why spoil your vacation, hun? I would tell him that you ARE NOT going to put up with this sh**.. and hand him the note you found. Be tough and say..it's either me or her.. choose now. Be packed and tell him he has 5 minutes to make up his mind. I know you don't want to take that way, but I would get through everything, and have a talk with him and say..I don't want to be treated this way, so tell me what's up? Give him the note and tell him... I want to know the truth. Have a good long talk with him. Sometimes being a little tough doesn't hurt either. It shows a man that you will not take his sh**. Good luck !

[Sweet Chestnut]

maybe you should read the thread lean..

 

she also cheated on him had sex around, and with a married man, up to one week ago, when they made a deal to stop being in an open marriage....

read some of the posts above baby, it aint as it seems at all...

They both cheated on each others for years...

[lonelybird]

Well, being a tough cookie as I am. I would wait and get through the vacation. Why spoil your vacation, hun? I would tell him that you ARE NOT going to put up with this sh**.. and hand him the note you found. Be tough and say..it's either me or her.. choose now. Be packed and tell him he has 5 minutes to make up his mind. I know you don't want to take that way, but I would get through everything, and have a talk with him and say..I don't want to be treated this way, so tell me what's up? Give him the note and tell him... I want to know the truth. Have a good long talk with him. Sometimes being a little tough doesn't hurt either. It shows a man that you will not take his sh**. Good luck !

Good idea

[lonelybird]

maybe you should read the thread lean..

 

she also cheated on him had sex around, and with a married man, up to one week ago, when they made a deal to stop being in an open marriage....

read some of the posts above baby, it aint as it seems at all...

They both cheated on each others for years...

Oops, open marriage is really a bad idea, only hurt self in the end. You just cannot be faithful and unfaithful same time

[Sweet Chestnut]

In fact, looking back on my previous posts, i NEVER mentioned that the open marriage ended merely a week or 2 ago, it was almost a year ago! It cracks me up how everyone is so quick to judge everyone else's transgressions when they have made-up info. i dont know where you are getting your wrong info, but its pretty funny.

 

Guess what innocent dude, you talk about your sex life with a married man a week ago and the 15th of july, so you ahd sex and didnt ended it months ago as you say now, and what oyu come with are not judgement but based on what oyu said oyurself and if you cant see its completely scrwed up, then good for you, after all that you who got to live with yourself and not us.

i dont recall having saif the guy was white as snow but having said that you were as bad the one as the other and made a pair.

You just have some misplacd expectation when you go with for an open marriage to expect things to be normal agian. Any way you dont hear a word of what is said to you you only hear what you want ot hear and right now you want to hear that lal are agianst oyu for no reasons at all. Fine. thats just not whats written here.

Your marriage isnt going to function normally ever and thats all.

You are attached enough to can live together but not to be married. This isnt a marriage when you want to have affairs each on your side.

And now its what? for ever normal again or just a break form the open marriage and you wioll both do it again at a later date?

Dont call it marriage, thats an agreement to pass each others mood, open when in the mood then not when he isnt until next time.

You wanted this, deal with the consequences.

You heard it before: one time cheater...

and for you too.

What part of your marriage are you trying to control? the one that is hopeless?

[JamesM]

Ok, so my H and i talked on the phone, and he claims it was an old letter, from when we were separated briefly, and almost 4 years old. Says he forgot all about it, had it in his car this whole time and forgot about it.

Says he hasnt been talking to her, or anyone else. Im still not sure whether or not to believe him but he sounded pretty honest. So who knows? He claims he hasnt been up to anything, that hes happy, and if wanted to be with someone else he would leave.

 

Leanonme, according to the above quote, she has already talked to him.

 

LIT, I don't think he is an angel. Far from it. What I have a problem with is how it seems that you are the angel or you seem to give the impression that you are an angel...when YOU are not. Both of you have not worked at having a marriage with each other. He did not like the open marriage, so then he is not allowed to have an affair. You did not have a problem with it, probably because you found someone who was a good listener and filled the void that your husband left empty, so your affair is okay. Anyhow, you did have an affair and will feel free to accuse your husband of being a cheat. BUT...you feel it is okay to hide your own discretions.

 

This is why there is accusations of hypocrisy. If you had not had an affair or had confessed your own affair, then maybe you have grounds to confront him with righteous indignation. But as a man who is married, I would be incredibly angry if my wife accused me of an affair...even if I had one, while hiding her own. Something seems real wrong with that.

 

My suggestion is still the same. If you desire to have a good marriage with your husband after all that has happened...and from what I read, I don't think you do, since you planned on possibly leaving just recently, then I think it is imperative that you DO reveal your affair and let him reveal any possible affair on his end. Both of you clear the air and give it one more shot. Who knows? It may actually work. But if you keep your affair to yourself and he keeps his affair to himself (which he may be doing, or at least you have suspicions that he is), then I find it hard to believe that you two will rebuild communication and trust.

 

And the saddest part of all this...there is a two year old daughter who unknowingly has her life hanging in the balance and doesn't know it. Yes, she does...her future will be determined by what you two "adults" end up doing.

[iamTHROUGH]

I just have one suggestion. I think it's possible to tell how old a letter is by taking it in someplace and getting the ink tested in order to determine the true time it was written. You might want to google something akin to this. I have no idea how much it costs, but your husbands response sounds very fishy to me.

 

Also, it does sound like you both need MC.

[Lean On Me]

Good idea

 

Thank you !

[LakesideDream]

Multiple partners, Affiars with married men... what a mess.

 

What really makes me chuckle is that you are suprised by the possibility that your "husband" might have a "backup" girlfriend. Frankly I'd be suprised if he didn't have one.

 

And.... by the way, exactly what's different about him having a GF and not telling you... and you having a MM on the side and not telling him?

 

Sorry, my old addled brain just can't find a difference there.

[Ladyjane14]

The quality of your life, OP, is unlikely to improve until you fully reject the need for drama. Drama can give people quite a "buzz". It's not much different from bungee-jumping or rock climbing. There's risk and excitement in thrill sports, an adrenaline/dopamine boost.

 

Drama is just another way of administering the drug.

[Mr. Lucky]

And i cant possibly fit all my history into one thread, so sorry for leaving out the open marriage info.

It was easier to empathize with your situation in your first post when you could "barely breathe, my heart feels like it weighs 50 pounds right now" as opposed to the vision of you preferring your MM because he "could go several times a day, lol. My H never does that".

 

Are you really surprised at people's reaction ?

 

Mr. Lucky