Quinch Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 Okay, so as I've mentioned elsewhere my best female friend has a new boyfriend but then today we were chatting on MSN and she suddenly asks if I ever secretly carried a torch for her (she did this when she met her last boyfriend as well - I think being in love makes her go a little paranoid ) I managed to reassure her that I only see her as a very good friend and then she said "good, because - to be honest - I've never ever been remotely attracted to you in that way at all." WTF???? I'm sure she didn't mean to make it sound as if she thinks I'm ugly - she probably just meant I'm not her type and that's fair enough because I know I'm no Johnny Depp. I've always thought of myself as an acquired taste anyway Even so, at a time when my confidence isn't exactly at its highest ever, it's not something I really needed to hear. So how would you feel if an opposite sex friend told you they didn't find you attractive? Would you be insulted or indifferent?
Chinook Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 So how would you feel if an opposite sex friend told you they didn't find you attractive? Would you be insulted or indifferent?I think I'd think they were taking advantage of my friendship because there are some things, even with close friends... male or female, that you just don't say to another person. That said, think back to what she actually said... did she actually say you were ugly..? I don't think saying she's not attracted to you in that way is the same as saying you're ugly... she's just saying you aren't her type. Now, having said all of that... it's pretty cool that you guys can talk so openly about this kind of stuff and stay friends no..?!
monkey00 Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 A friend of mine cracks ugly jokes once in awhile on me and the other guys, but he's a pessimist so I'll leave him be. Are you positive your friend doesnt carry a torch for you? While the odds are good she replied with that comment as a defense mechanism - translation "yeah, you wouldnt be good enough for me anyway."
Turquoise Waters Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 Okay, so as I've mentioned elsewhere my best female friend has a new boyfriend but then today we were chatting on MSN and she suddenly asks if I ever secretly carried a torch for her (she did this when she met her last boyfriend as well - I think being in love makes her go a little paranoid ) I managed to reassure her that I only see her as a very good friend and then she said "good, because - to be honest - I've never ever been remotely attracted to you in that way at all." WTF???? I'm sure she didn't mean to make it sound as if she thinks I'm ugly - she probably just meant I'm not her type and that's fair enough because I know I'm no Johnny Depp. I've always thought of myself as an acquired taste anyway Even so, at a time when my confidence isn't exactly at its highest ever, it's not something I really needed to hear. So how would you feel if an opposite sex friend told you they didn't find you attractive? Would you be insulted or indifferent? She sounds like a bitch and you should drop her as a friend.
Chinook Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 She sounds like a bitch and you should drop her as a friend.tee hee! I think that's what I was trying to say in a roundabout way... I never was good with getting to the point.
EricOnTheWeb Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 suddenly asks if I ever secretly carried a torch for her (she did this when she met her last boyfriend as well - I think being in love makes her go a little paranoid ) I managed to reassure her that I only see her as a very good friend and then she said "good, because - to be honest - I've never ever been remotely attracted to you in that way at all Dude!...read this again!...looks like she was just being sassy because you told her you "didn't" carry a torch for her. Looks to me that she was hoping you'd say 'yes" I have had crushes/torch on you. I think she is trying to hint at something buddy;)
Lizzie60 Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I think she said that out of revenge...LOL She asked first, you said no cause she was only a good friend.. maybe she felt a little twitch of pain in her self-esteem... so she felt the need to give you back your change.. LOL We, here in LS, have no idea if you're ugly or not... post a picture (avatar) and we'll be the judge... Hiow would I feel... Not insulted at all... because I value my friends way too much to stop for a little glitch like that... So I would be completely indifferent?
McFadden Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 So how would you feel if an opposite sex friend told you they didn't find you attractive? Would you be insulted or indifferent? I admit that when I find out an opposite friend doesn't think I'm attractive or his type I feel a little bit insulted deep down but I don't let it cause resentment or get in the way. It sounds like your friend said that spitefully, I would go as far as to say it seems like she either carries a torch for you, or she just has an ego and expected you to be attracted to her.
Turquoise Waters Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 It really sounds like she could be on her period, too. Yeah, maybe you can overlook it.
Yamaha Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 The fact that she's your friend says she has some sort of attraction to you, be it emotional, intellectual, etc. I think you hurt her feelings that you didn't see her as a gal you would want to bang so she threw back a zinger of her own. I wouldn't let it affect you unless she is a lousy friend.
Green Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 sounds like maybe u do like her... why else would you read into this. Who knows why she brought all this up mabye she does like you. When a girl specificaly tells you she doesnt find you attractive you cant necisarily believe it.
Lean On Me Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Okay, so as I've mentioned elsewhere my best female friend has a new boyfriend but then today we were chatting on MSN and she suddenly asks if I ever secretly carried a torch for her (she did this when she met her last boyfriend as well - I think being in love makes her go a little paranoid ) I managed to reassure her that I only see her as a very good friend and then she said "good, because - to be honest - I've never ever been remotely attracted to you in that way at all." WTF???? I'm sure she didn't mean to make it sound as if she thinks I'm ugly - she probably just meant I'm not her type and that's fair enough because I know I'm no Johnny Depp. I've always thought of myself as an acquired taste anyway Even so, at a time when my confidence isn't exactly at its highest ever, it's not something I really needed to hear. So how would you feel if an opposite sex friend told you they didn't find you attractive? Would you be insulted or indifferent? I never had that happen. If I did, I would think..well, everyone has their taste and go on. I mean..what else can ya do?
Sweet Chestnut Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Come on, she didnt said you are uggly, she tolf you she wasnt attracted to you "that way" menaing, shefounds you attractiv but not as a boy friend. How do you want to say it yourslef specaily in MSN? How would oyu say it? she didnt said you are not attractive, she said she see you as a friend, and not a boyfriend. Thats cool. You also see her attractive but not as being your girlfriend, isnt it true? so what if it was the opposite, how would you have put it?? You are getting panic and seeing things, but look at what she wrote instead, and you will see that al is perfectly fine. Cool down. She likes you, and even enough to worry about that jind. or maybe that was the oposit and she was interested and her friends told her to do like that, so she asked oyu, and when you said no, so she had to say soemthing, and she said OH! fine, cause me too, i am not either attracted to youi that way. You know whatthey say in all forums, that if the girls suddenly like the guy "that way" then its the end of the friendhsip if it isnt reciprocicated.. so could be she just wanted to make sure cause she like you, or that she was testing the water cause she likes you.. very much.. tell me now, are you blushing right now? Goood! See? now your selfworth is back on top again.. See you (-; lol!
Author Quinch Posted July 22, 2007 Author Posted July 22, 2007 I'm not going to take it personally, I know there are other things she likes about me or she wouldn't be my friend. I think she just meant 'not in that way' but she could have been more tactful so I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and put this down to her being crazy about her new b/f. It's done something to her brain Interesting that a few people think she might be the one carrying the torch for me. I'd never thought of that. Well, if I've learned one thing in the past few years its that things change and people change and you never know what's going to happen tomorrow (wait - that's three things!) so we'll see what happens six months or a year down the line.
Turquoise Waters Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 No sense thinking too much, she's on her period. Trust me. We (meaning women) get a little edgy during that time, if you know what I mean.
Art_Critic Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 She did it to test your big and bold statement that you have only seen her as a friend and nothing more.. She was gauging your reaction to see if you were telling the truth.. and if you reacted the same way to her as you did here then she would think you had feelings for her other than friend feelings.. but... She also must've also been put off a tad bit that you didn't say something like that you wanted to bang her..it must've stung a wee bit for her to be expecting that only to hear you have never felt that way.. This could also be a possibility
McFadden Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 No sense thinking too much, she's on her period. Trust me. We (meaning women) get a little edgy during that time, if you know what I mean. I have no idea what youre talking about..I never think its a good idea to chalk someone's behavior up to being on her period, especially if we have no idea if she's even on it.
Turquoise Waters Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Women tend to get emotional and wacky during their periods. Sorry, but we all know it's true.
dgiirl Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 Okay, so as I've mentioned elsewhere my best female friend has a new boyfriend but then today we were chatting on MSN and she suddenly asks if I ever secretly carried a torch for her (she did this when she met her last boyfriend as well - I think being in love makes her go a little paranoid ) I managed to reassure her that I only see her as a very good friend and then she said "good, because - to be honest - I've never ever been remotely attracted to you in that way at all." WTF???? I'm sure she didn't mean to make it sound as if she thinks I'm ugly - she probably just meant I'm not her type and that's fair enough because I know I'm no Johnny Depp. I've always thought of myself as an acquired taste anyway Even so, at a time when my confidence isn't exactly at its highest ever, it's not something I really needed to hear. So how would you feel if an opposite sex friend told you they didn't find you attractive? Would you be insulted or indifferent? I would feel a little bit insulted if my friend did what your's did. First she asks you if YOU were ever interested in her, putting you on the spot, and then tells you she never felt that way about you, slamming your ego to the ground. She's the one bringing this up just to insult you? How old is she? I think there's some things left better unsaid. Unless the guy in question brings up the topic of his interest, there's no need to put a damper on his hopes before he has the courage to even bring them up. The best decline I ever received is, "I think you are attractive, but all I can offer you is friendship." It was respectful and left both ego's in tact, even if they were little white lies
McFadden Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Women tend to get emotional and wacky during their periods. Sorry, but we all know it's true. Thats the kind of thinking that can lead into "women shouldn't be president because they get wacky during thier periods." People still have to be held accountable for their actions. I don't think I've had a day in my life where I was unpleasant to someone and blamed it on having a period. It's as bad as the I was drunk excuse (which I'm trying to stop using)..
LoveLace Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Women tend to get emotional and wacky during their periods. Sorry, but we all know it's true. Well honey as far as I know (especially being female and all), we tend to get emotional or wacky at any time of the month, not just THAT time of month!...if the girl was in fact on her period, so what, it does not in any way distort our point of view on why she said what she said to the OP...I definitely don't see how one small post about something totally off the subject of the menstral cycle could make it so clear that a person we can't even see or talk to is for sure ragging! But to the OP, I agree with those who say that she was hoping you'd say "yes" to her torch question...Why did she ask to begin with?...well, because she wanted to know, and why would she want to know if she truly doesn't see you in "that way" at all what so ever? The only way to cover her own tracks was by throwing an insult back at ya....can't say if she's on the period, otherwise she's transparent here! And I detect you might in fact carry a torch for her, perhaps you just don't acknowledge it at the moment? It bothers you to an extent that she claims to not find you attractive, otherwise you wouldn't be here asking about it would ya? Well, one thing is sure, you must value her opinion to be worried about the comment...somethin' to think about!?
veronica12 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Did you ever see that movie? Billy Crystal says throughout the film that men and women can never be "just friends".There is always a sexual undertone between them, no matter how much they claim to be platonic.I totally believe this, too.I think your female friend had her ego hurt.She wanted to think you have the "hots" for her and she could have you anytime.Maybe you were her "back-up" guy.She needs to come down a few notches.I had the same experience with a male friend.He conveyed the attitude that I was "cheating" on him when I dated and had hurt feelings when I talked about other guys in my life.We finally talked it out and we are fine now.You need to bring this out in the open with her and clarify your relationship.
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