SaraK Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 My ex and I recently got back together after 2 & a half years apart. The first time we were together was for 6 months and he fell for me hard. But because I got sick, we hardly got to see each other and that was making him miserable, so we decided to end it. We stayed good friends. Within the last 2 years, he had a long-term relationship with a girl he intended to marry. But they had a lot of issues with their relationship and decided it would be better to end it rather than drag it out. When they were together, she absolutely hated me. I've never even met the girl but apparently, he told her how I was his first love and because of this, she felt threatened (even though she was with him for 2 years and they got engaged!) She hated me so much that for a long time, she didn't like the idea of him seeing me. He told me this and said we probably shouldn't talk for a while. When they broke up, he called me and said he realised he was being unfair to me and he would love to see me again. To just hang out. I was thrilled so I invited him to my place and we watched a few movies and had a chat. In all honesty, I've never got over him. I told him that I still love him and he told me that he's just lost the woman he planned to spend the rest of his life with and that he really wasn't ready to jump into anything yet. The one thing I've always respected and loved about him is the fact that he's always honest with me. I told him that I wasn't asking for nor expecting anything from him. I completely understood that he wasn't ready for anything new. After all, he loved this girl more than life. He said that he still loved me just not as much as her. And even though that hurt to hear, I really did get it. The only reason I told him I still loved him was because I'd been living with the pain of being without him for 2 years. Anyway, he said he needed some time on his own (obviously!) and I totally understood. We still talked and saw each other for the next few days but a short while later, he kissed me. I told him to remember how I feel and it wouldn't be fair on me if this was a rebound thing. Or if he just needed to feel needed. He said he was serious about me because deep down, he's always loved me and always will. We were together for about 3 days when he said that he still wants her. He said it would be better to end it with me rather than stay with me, not be serious and end up hurting me more. He said I didn't deserve that. My God did that hurt. But in retrospect, I did understand. It took a lot of crying but I knew it was best. THEN - A week or so later, he calls me up and we stay on the phone until 3 in the morning just laughing, talking, making jokes etc...Then he asks me out to dinner for the coming Saturday. I asked him if that was a good idea and he said he wants to take me out on a date. I agreed and we had a wonderful time. We went back to his place and things got very emotional and I ended up staying the night. Before I went through with anything, I asked him what this meant. I said "I can't take losing you again" and he said "You're not going to lose me. I want you back. I want you to be my girlfriend again" Since then, I've been his girlfriend. We've been together for exactly 1 month and 1 week and it seems to be going well. But sometimes I admit, I wonder if he's going to end it again. I'm honest with him and he knows how I feel. He says that he's with me because he wants to be with me. He said that he cares very deeply for me but it's going to take a LONG time before he falls in love with me again. He said he can feel/see it happening one day, just not for a while. I love him so much and I'm so happy with him. The last thing I want is for it to end. But I'm so scared that he's going to convince himself he doesn't want me anymore. Maybe it's because he said he doesn't love me yet. Because if he said it, I'd have nothing to feel insecure about! Anyway, I just spent the last day/night with him and he's going away this weekend and will be working 9-5 all week. He said we probably won't see each other all week. But the thing that upset me is he said - "It's not bad that we spend time apart is it? I mean, we have been seeing a lot of each other lately. We both need time for ourselves sometimes" And even though I KNOW that's true, I'm terrified that the more time he spends apart from me, the more time he'll have not to think of me. I know I'll miss him like crazy. I'm just paranoid he won't miss me. He's planning to move house in September and he says "After I move and you stay round...." Which tells me he still sees us being together. Which tells me he has no intentions of ending it. This morning in bed, just as he woke up, he pulled me close to him and held me so tight. He's never squeezed me that hard before. All the things he says and does point to the fact that he wants to be with me and sees himself with me for the foreseeable future. SO WHY THE HELL CAN'T I STOP WORRYING THAT HE'S GOING TO END IT?????? Am I overreacting? Please God, tell me I'm worrying over nothing! xxxxxx P.S - I'm sorry this has been a long post but we have a big history with each other.
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