so hurt, dont know what to think.

[I&ME]

please please kind loveshack friends, any opinions, i am so hurt and confused.

 

Got to know him for one year and 7 months, been in a relationship for 6 months, everything is perfect till thursday night.

 

we seen each other on last saturday for a whole day. Monday, the evening he came pick me up from work we had dinner together, then he went back home.

Thursday he came pick up his watch which he left at my place, and returned my earring which i left at him place a month ago. and he drive me to work.

Smsed him at work to say thanks for drive me to work, no reply. smsed later at night, see goodnight, no reply.

Called his mobile on friday no one pick up the phone for the whole day. 10pm called his house, his dad answered the phone, i just said ": this is XXX calling, i havent been able to contract XXX(my boyfriend name) since yesterday, just want to know if everything is ok with him. i am worried" his dad said: he is fine, no need worry. "

 

today, called him mobile again, no answer. afternoon 1pm called his house, his dad answered, i said"this is XXX, sorry for keep calling you, but i really worreid about XXXX(my bf name), sinence i could not contact him for two days, and we use to talk and sms everyday, is he ok? ..... have you seen him the last two days."

his dad" he is fine, i have seen him the past two day, he is away at the moment, working, no need to worry"

since thursday i can not contact him, i smsed him so many time, just to ask, if he is ok, no reply to any of them.

two minutes later i got a sms from him " I am well, but i need some time to make some family based decisions"

I assuemed he is at home with his dad.

 

I reply " thats ok, suddenly cant contact you, i was so worried, as long as you are safe, healthy and happy"

 

I dont know whats going on.

everything was perfect, we see each other nearly everyday, most time he initiate the contact and wants to see me, last sat he rang me in the morning, while i was still asleep, he said was such a good day, should go out, so we went play tennis, and had dinner in a park, he said we will play tennis this sunday. and he said he got a job, (he is a university student) so he can have extra money to treat me more like a boyfriend should.

he tells me all the time he loves me.

there was nothing i could think went wrong. we both in our early 20s. we have not had sex. he said he is happy, and satisfied with me, he agree that we will leave that to later when we are together longer.

 

please, help me, this is my first relationship, i dont know whats going on.

cant sleep, cant study, just cant stop thinking and feeling hurt.

 

I plan to not contact him from now, give him time to make his "family based decision" which i felt 99% are about me.

 

please any ideas, i am just left in the dark, dont know whats going on, and dont know which directiong to turn.

[VIP]

Probably when he picked up his watch and returned your earring, he already knew, he wants to break up with you. He decided to disappear without explanation, many men do it, which is cowardly, but they are afraid of confrontation. There probably were other red flags before his disappearance, which you overlooked or preferred not to pay attention to.

[I&ME]

thank you VIP, maybe you are right, i did feel weired, that suddenly he want to come pick up his watch, and return my earrring.

But i really cant think any redflag before thursday night, he made plans for tomorrow for us, he found a job because of me. he calls me everyday, plus msgs.

just suddenly, cant contact, and seems his dad knows whats going on.

he said: need time to make some family based decision. what does that mean, his parents doesnt want me. but they havent even met me yet. he was talking about to meet his dad recently, but now, ....

why?

 

I just cant stop crying. I don't understand.

[shadowplay]

aw, i really feel for you. this situation sounds miserable. it's terrible for him to do this to you without explanation. one thing i've learned over the years is that guys make no sense when it comes to how they treat women. so don't try to analyze what's going on. you'll never figure it out or be able to read his mind. i don't believe it's anything wrong with you. more likely he has his own problems and fears of commitment or some other issue you're not even aware of. instead of worrying about why he might be rejecting you, think about what his actions say about his character. clearly he has problems and is very insensitive. just try to keep breathing and living your life. don't ever let a guy make you feel miserable.

[I&ME]

thank you for your reply.

I was the happiest girl yesterday, suddenly, my world is collapsing.

he told me long time ago, if there is a problem between us we will talk about it and no one will run away from it.

couple of weeks ago, we were on the phone, and he trying to arrange time for me to meet his parents, heared him talking to him mum. because his mum had to leave before she had planned so we did not meet.

 

(he lives by himself in this city for university, his parents take turns to live with him for couple of weeks).

 

now his dad is here living with him. he was talking about to meet his dad before he leaves.

 

out of sudden, I am so confused.

 

 

I will try not to contact him, give him the time to "make some family based decisions" but maybe I will never hear from him again.

 

 

yes, i will keep breathing, i will still continue my work, my study, do my phd, play tennis, live my life, but with a different state of mind.

[VIP]

It could be, that his parents have something against you. May be they think you are not good enough for their son because of a different ethnicity (just guessing) or because they want to find someone, who is more wealthy, or because he is too young to have a relationship.

[I&ME]

thank you VIP. I dont know what to think, could be so many things. he told me his parents wanted to meet me.

could be true, yes we are different he is italian.

 

but why would he suddenly changed, within couple of hours. why cant he tell me whats happening?

 

sigh, no point to ask why, i know, i may never get to know.

 

still wish a slight chance that it was something else happening in his family that he need time to himself.

 

 

hard to control myself not to think about it, and not to contact him, we use to talk on phone every night.

 

thank you for taking your time read and reply my post.

[BlueEyedGirl]

He is italian and you are...?

 

As for changing his mind in a couple of hours, he didn't really change his mind in a couple of hours. He probably thought about breaking things off and has mentally checked out of the relationship ages ago.

 

I would suggest that you stop pastering him with messages and phone calls - all you will do is further annoy him and push him away. Obviously he is ok and even though it sucks that he gave you no explanation, you have to accept his decision.

 

Meanwhile consider this relationship as over.

[tinke]

as i was reading your thread, the red flag raised when he picked up his watch and returned your earring...only cuz i've been there.

out of the blue, unfortunately, it is unfair, but common!

give him his needed space without contacting him, if it we meant to be, he will be back.

you will feel much more secure if he were to return on his own accord, rather than smothering him with messages.

[I&ME]

thank for everyone here help me.

I only smsed him and called him many times before he told me he need time. I was worried about his safety, because he was driving, and sometime he does silly things.

 

things are clear now.

He rang me very late last night, told me what was happening.

He had a massive argument with his dad when he got home after drop me to work.

Because his dad reaslied he is so seirous about me, so he is trying to pressure my bf and me. he doesnt want us to be together, he does not allow my bf to call me, or answer the phone to sms me. made my bf work the whole time the last two days.

 

reason: according to him, his family is very wealthy, and his dad worry i am here for their money, think if he marry me and then i will divorce him according to Australian law, all property belongs to me.

 

1: when i met my bf, even till now, i never asked and never cared if he is poor or rich, i really dont know how wealthy his family is. I love him as a person who he is.

2. why would his dad worry about divorce when we are just bf anf gf, and assume i am here for money, he have not even met me yet, not even talked to me yet, (beside i called the other day to ask is my bf is ok,becasue cant contact him).

 

if we have the right attitudes we could creat wealth even we are poor, if we have the wrong attitudes, no matter how much money would gone in a short time. I love him, i believe we would have a good future, no matter what his family background is.

 

my bf called me very late last night, have to wait his dad asleep, and we had to talk very quiet.

he said he loves me, he can not leave me, he said he will talk to his parents, when his dad calms down, he will make chance for me to meet his parents and that we will need to spend a lot time infront of his parent, to let them get to know me.

he called me to tell me he loves me, he will not give up, and wants me to be strong whatever happens in the next few weeks. he said to trust him.

 

i cried on the phone, i know it is must be very hard for him right now. I told him, whatever his decision is and whatever he think i need to do to help i will listen to him. i will be strong. and i dont want him fight with his parents.

 

 

i feel better now, though i dont know what will happen to us, at least i knwo he truely loves me, and we will work hard. I hope in the future, i will get chance to meet his parents and hope they will get to know me and know that i am truely in love with their son, and hope they accept me.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I just do not think that your bf is telling you the whole story. He tells you his dad doesn't like you and him getting serious because his family is wealthy, but then that is true for any girl that he can possibly date. I mean it's not like his dad has met you and judged you to be a gold digger.

 

There has to be something else. Perhaps you being of different enthnicity to your boyfriend. I know that Europenas are quite strict about that and perhaps your bf doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you.