anna13 Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I am very frustrated , my son who will be 17 next week has shown an increase in disrespectfull attitude toward me. he slams doors when i ask him not to , he doesnt get into too much trouble because he doesnt really have friends to get in trouble with . i notice that it isnt that people dont want to be his friend , it is that he doesnt want to be friends with people. he seems to have this arrogant attitude but yet his self esteem is very low. he is very overweight and no matter how much encouragement we give him , he wants to focus on the negative . he will say things like , "i will always be fat and ugly so I dont really care" the truth is there is nothing wrong with him . just that he is overweight but if he changes his habits he would drop that weight pretty fast. but i dont tryto tell him anything about that anymore in fear of making him feel worse. his attitude is terrible, all he does is show dominant behavior in the house, he will boss his little brother around constantly , and when i ask him not to do something he will say "sorry mom" and do it anyway . although it isnt anything like drugs or such it is very hard to deal with. he says he wants to go to college but seems to have his bar as low as possible, in high school he barely passed the 11th grade . he is going to be a senior now. I feel like he just doesnt have the drive it takes to surive on his own eventually . I really worry . I dont know if I am too concerned, maybe he will be ok ? I dont know. My biggest fear is that he will live with me till his late 20's. and it is hard enough to handle his behavior now. I know teenagers act a certain way but , he is just wierd to me. just so negative and critical of everything, just so yea whatever .. UHH HUUHH kinda attitude. i dont know what to do . I am his mom and I think he is wierd and he makes me feel like I just dont want to be around him at all because he makes me feel like crap everytime he is around. I know it is a terrible thing to say but i am really going crazy. and I am trying to take care of my toddler and dealing with issues in my marriage. it is really getting tough . I guess i want to know if anyone has felt this way before toward their child? has anyone dealt with a difficult teenager that actually turned out good or allright ? I really feel just tired of it all at this point.
kobegirl Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 wow , sounds like my son exacty . same age and attitude. all I can say is just try to think of the positives and less of the negatives . i know it is easier said and done because even i have a hard time dealing with things with mine. maybe we are worried for nothing ? lets hope.
Reckless Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 Don't give up, they are terrible years. You don't mention his father, is he a positive influence? Boys especially need a strong male figure they can relate to and look up to. If his father isn't in the picture maybe you could enlist the help of someone you know, a few years older than him to befriend him and show him what it means to be a man. Right now he's not sure and there are a whole lot of things going on in his head, heart and body. I would try and be consistent, don't let him "opt out" of family life (meals together etc) and see if you can convince him to get involved in some kind of sport, team, solitary, a club, whatever just something were he can connect with people. Thank your lucky stars he isn't into drugs and bad company. Try and stay connected to him, organize some activity where you do somthing together just him without sibblings, a hike or a trip to some event he's interested in. You don't have to talk, or give some big lecture just the fact that you are doing something together can ease tension and open the lines of communication. Most of all have faith that when he's finished with the teenage years he will become the young man you know he can be. You may have to grit your teeth while you're having faith.
kobegirl Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 just wanted to add that my son is about the same age as yours and I do think that some of this attitude they have is a teenage thing but I can understand the fear in not knowing what will be .. all I can say is you are definitly not alone in your frustration . hang in there.
possumgirl83 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 the way he acts is a defense tactic "if i hurt you first, then cant hurt me" syndrom, he is afraid of failure and rejection and more than likely has low self-esteem. i can say all this with a degree of certainty because my older sister is overweight, sets low goals, still lives with my parents at 31 yrs old, and i am the little sister that was pushed around. you have discribed her to a 't'. i love my sister and seeing her do these things kills me, i wish my parents had gotten her help that she needed while she could be helped. please get him some professional help
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