cbl Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Now I guess I know where you are coming from and why the situation pains you. Is it a good plan? Anything that you feel work best for you is a good plan; because you know yourself and your situation better and you seem to be a person who talks with not only your heart but your head. I am not sure I would tell him that we enjoy the vacation at the end of the talk, if I were in your shoes. He would never know how painful you are when you are alone, and when you are with him. To him it's unreal. You are always that happy little girl to him when you meet... and that's why he comes back for more. Something needs to be taken away from him so that he shares your pain and I have no idea what that is. Some people like me just need to go through certain things, and make efforts, before they can finally give up. I am one of them and I have a feeling that you are too. My xMM and I never talked about being together in the long run but he did piss me off once in a while because he kept changing our plans when his wife felt like in bad mood and changed their schedules - and I was forced to accommodate to that. In those situations, my xMM would tell me things like how his wife overdosed her sleeping pills (I later realized she just took one more which helped her sleep better but not enough to kill her) with tears in his eyes, etc. I don't know how your MM is like but some of them are extremely good at manipulation. Just be prepared of what's coming when you have the talk with him. Make decision based on what's best for you - I am not saying his wife's and kids' welfare is none of your business; after all you are having an affair with a married man; but some MMs are very sophisticated liars and there's no need feeling empathetic over something which you wouldn't even know is true of not, like PP has pointed out here. So do it, and come back here whenever you need support.
Author CAMAYPARK Posted July 27, 2007 Author Posted July 27, 2007 Thank you, cbl. The date that I have set for myself for the talk is either 7/8 Aug. I don't want to be manipulated mainly because I cannot hand on heart say that 100% he isn't lying. I will update all of you after the talk.
frannie Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Well, if you think you need it, and it will do you some good, then why not? If you really need to hear it all one last time for it to be true..? Personally, I think you know him pretty well already and I don't see what else you can be looking for. If you don't want something out of it (laying down terms), then why even have a conversation..? I'm sorry, I don't see what you are after if you already know how it will go. But perhaps that's just me. Then again I've beaten a dead horse more than once in the past, and it was always because I wasn't done, and was hoping that things were different. Maybe sometimes we really, really, really need to see it to believe it.
Author CAMAYPARK Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 [sIZE=+0][sIZE=+0][sIZE=+0][sIZE=+0][sIZE=+0][sIZE=+0][sIZE=+0][sIZE=+0][sIZE=+0]This was an email that I sent him last night I don’t even know why I feel like I have to justify your statements. If you truly believe that I am incapable of loving someone than you have rather short term memory. I do everything according to C, says he can only sleep in separate beds, C says that he can only chat to you between 8.30pm-10.30pm. C says you must make a public apology on IF. When I told you about my father even before I met you because I trusted you truly, firstly as a really good friend and then I fell in love. We had a great bust up after our 1st meeting but I persevere because I thought that you had problems expressing yourself. You used to freeze when I touch you, you used to tell me that you weren’t used to affection. When you couldn’t take staying at your KL’s friend’s place due to noise, I let you stay with me at Westin. Instead of thank you, you critised everything. You may say that I am being overtly sensitive, maybe I am. 2nd time we met, you abandoned me most evenings to myself, yet, I took it even though you agreed to spend those previous few days with me. I paid for the entire Sabah trip and more, yet, I never said a word till now. I make sure each time you are in KL, you have a sim card, I did that for you in KL and I did that for you in London. I asked you if you loved me in Ipoh, Excelsior over breakfast and you said NO, you cannot love someone you have only met twice. Yet, you followed me upstairs later and you had sex with me, 3 times. It was that time, I decided to leave Ipoh and come back to London early. I felt used then, but I spoke to you in KL and I decided to forgive and forget. I then told you if you want the relationship to work, you will have to make the effort to see me. You created so much heartache that I finally told you please don’t bother to come at all. You kept giving me execuses like 10days not enough, you have business to discuss, etc etc. You came and I took time off to spend with you. I waited up for you when you went to meet up with your friends. I waited up for you the 1st time we met up in Westin when you 1st when to Kepong. I gave you my LG phone, which you again criticised and I had topped it £30 too. You abandoned me at Legend Hotel every evening, I didn’t say a thing. I admit when I left London and flew to KL with you, when we were in KL, I spent my time with my friends and I didn’t include you. Did I deserve the torrent of sms abuse from you? Did you even know when I was ill? You didn’t care, you still went out with your Ipoh friends. You still dragged me and made me walked all over Ipoh, I didn’t think I would be able to walk back to Excelsior, I was that ill. I lost so much weight, that was the first thing XX said, when I came through the door. Yet, you didn’t notice. You then went awol on me, refusing to speak to me and when you finally decided to speak to me again, it was nearly Oct. I once again decided to let bygones be bygones. I had wanted to meet up with you in a make or break holiday. I wanted it to be in November and once again you created havoc. In the end I said, I am booking and will be going on these dates, if you want to come, come, if you don’t don’t. That was the only way of getting you to HK. In HK I had a fantastic time, I thought you did too. I even sent you an email after I came back telling you that and thanking you and you replied saying that’s the best holiday that you have had for a very long time and that’s due to my caring and loving. I was estatic. I clung onto your words, you told me once, I made your day when you wake up and there’s a good morning loving message from me and after that I always ensure that you had one. You knew the names of my family members, you have all my contact details you know how to reach me. Up until this year, I never had your home number. Up until end of last year I didn’t know your kids names, I still don’t know your wife’s name. Why so secretive? I am never going to come after you. To me it shows lack of trust. That problem with Kris, you lied to me when you told me that you had written to him and explained. You never did. Yet, all I wanted from you was to take my side. Even a platonic friend would. This trip, you hurt me the most. I have been saying to you for a year now that I am lowest on your priority list, after the dog and I am the bit on the side. And then its worst. Indulgence and Impiana, yet, I let you do it. Why? Simple because I love you. We went to Bali and you did that at the temple, the guy looked at me so pityingly. Is that a man that loves me? I try to put that behind me, I laughed and I joked, I would touch you in passing between your friend’s bathroom and the downstairs room or when we were watching movies. This time instead of going out with my friends I made sure you joined in with me. I had my best friend complained that she didn’t meet me. I made sure you share my friends and become part of my life – Suzy, etc. I did everything right this time round, I was indirectly making you a permanent feature in my life. Yet, you prep me what to say to Puspha just because he was going to take you to the airport. How humiliating! When you were back in S and I was back in L, you never bothered to let me know, until I texted you so many times. That was when you finally sent me that curt sms, even then you never told me. I tried to call you 3 times that evening, you deliberately never picked up the phone. I had to confront you on Wed before you would tell me the truth. Even as a friend, you should have given me the courtesy call and told me in person. A platonic friend would have done that. I asked you how many times during the phone call, if you were truly loved me? You hummed and arrred. I guessed you never did, or you love me so little that you can switched on and off. Like Chin said on IF, I stood here for 3years waiting for you, waiting for the flicker of hope that one day you will wake up and notice me, notice that I love you so much. Do I ask a lot from you? No, just for you to love me and put me on your list of consideration. I knew after that taxi incident and you did made me cry when you rammed it into me that I am like my father. I knew then that you will end it with me but I didn’t think that you would dump me by default. That’s cruel, that made me think that I am not even a friend or good friend to you. I have been a fool, all these time I clung to your chats, your sms and your emails. Yes, I do have your emails and I do have some chats too, therefore I know what you said about HK and what was in the email contradicts. Do I matter so little? Did you have fun? You say tons, you promised me tons, yet, I bought it all. Why? Chin’s flicker of hope. How stupid have I been. You must be having a great laugh now. I love you now and I will love you forever, but one day, I will be whole again. I will learn, you have taught me a valuable lesson. To me, its your loss, not mine. I love you; in its entirety, yet, I was all alone. I wish you all the best for the future. [/sIZE] [/sIZE] [/sIZE] [/sIZE] [/sIZE] [/sIZE] [/sIZE] [/sIZE] [/sIZE]
Author CAMAYPARK Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 29 May 2008 Part 2 May 29, 2008 I have done it now. I have confronted him. I knew if he didn’t end it, I would have ended. I hated the way he treated me towards the end. If I had needed further confirmation that I was never a factor in the equation, that was it. I called him and surprised him out of the blue last night. Even then he was being evasive. He humped and arrred about and then he accused me of incapable of loving someone, incapable of showing love. With one swoop of what he said, a bell rang off in my head. I was like, wtf, this man, I had given 3years of my life too. I re-arranged my life so that I am always there between 8.30pm-10.30pm. He wanted separate beds, he got it. He wanted public apologies, he got it. He wanted sms in the mornings, he got it. Everything he wanted out of me, he got it. I gave it all gladly and willingly. I love him to distraction. I knew, strangely enough when I first met him that he’s the love of my life. I will always love him, but it doesn’t stop me from learning to walk again. In a way, hearing lies upon lies coming out of his mouth, I congratulated myself for not screaming and yelling. And I managed to pieced it all together, the penny has finally dropped. I put it up on IF to show that I wasn’t the idiot and wasn’t what he accused me of being. I knew I wasn’t but I wanted some confirmation.Everyone agreed with me. Empty, though. I am hurt, beyond words. I have never loved anyone as I had loved him. But I am glad for one thing, I am now in charge of my own life again. One day, with the passing of time, I will heal, I will be well again. I know one thing, I will always always love him. One step at the time.
frannie Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 But I am glad for one thing, I am now in charge of my own life again. One day, with the passing of time, I will heal, I will be well again. I know one thing, I will always always love him. One step at the time. I'm glad you've got to this stage. You might find that in time, you no longer have those feelings for him and wonder why you ever did. ((( CAMAYPARK )))
Author CAMAYPARK Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 I'm glad you've got to this stage. You might find that in time, you no longer have those feelings for him and wonder why you ever did. ((( CAMAYPARK ))) Thank you, Frannie. I hope so. I guess once and for all I needed to flog that dead horse. It hurt me that he said that I was incapable of loving someone.
Recommended Posts