egallivi Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 So I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. I've suspected a little for a while, so I installed a spying program (on my own computer) to spy on him. Turns out he's been cheating on me all this time. Of course that devastates me, but more surprising to me was how often he'd do it. Of course I've decided to break up with him, but I don't want to tell him that I've spied on him. So I don't know how to let him know that I've found out that he cheated. Any advice that anyone can give me would be so much appreciated!!
Lizzie60 Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 why don't you want to tell him you spy on him? Nothing wrong with that... some people hire detectives to take pictures... I would tell him how I find out...and kick him to the curb. No whys and whens! OUT!
norajane Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 I'm with Lizzie on this - why should you care about telling him how you caught him?? What does that matter? But, if you feel you must keep that to yourself, you don't have to explain anything. Tell him you know he's cheating, you are breaking up with him, and you never want to hear from him again. Then leave his place and go home. Done. Does the other girl know he's been seeing you the whole time? Maybe you ought to send her an email and tip her off if she doesn't know what a lying two-faced ass he is.
directx Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 What kind of evidence did you gather that he was cheating? I mean, was it just chatting with another, like an Emotinal Affair? Or was it talk in emails on how great last night was? No cheating is good, but what degree i wonder?
oppath Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 Norajane, where were you when I threatened to tell my ex's ex about me one month after she dumped me when I was told her ex of 5 years proposed to her 2 weeks before the breakup, and that he wasn't told about me, and that he'd fly into town to see her and they'd hang out while she was with me. I know letting go of a 5 year relationship is hard, and my threat would serve no purpose, but I beat myself up like crazy over it for making it and labeled myself as abusive (when you are a survivor of abuse, you get ****ed up when wounds are triggered). Anyway, tell everyone involved. If I could do it over, I would have told the ex about me. Absolutely. I know it would have been petty and cruel, but she lied to both of us. Hell, I think it would make me feel better to go ahead an do it know, 6 months later. I think it would release some anger...but after this much time, I'd be worried about a restraining order. To the OP...I'd be honest. Say "I found some evidence on my computer that you've been cheating on me." You don't have to say you installed spyware. Only tell him what you know, and you found it on your computer. Then be done with him. And tell the other girl, "did you know he had a girlfriend?" And be done with her too. Don't embroil yourself in the drama beyond that.
Trialbyfire Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 Yes, say it like it is. It's your computer, your software and his cheating. I see no reason to have to hide your methodology.
Author egallivi Posted July 20, 2007 Author Posted July 20, 2007 Thank you everyone! It's so good to know that someone else is listening to my problems! I have felt so helpless today. Anyway, in response to DirectX, the evidence was plenty: He's been cheating with people online for one-time hookups. I found out that all this time that we'd been together, he had always sent naked pictures of himself to people he met online. So, for my own self-respect, I cannot possibly stay in this relationship any longer. I know it's a done deal, but it's just going to be so hard to deal with all this... Anyway, Thanks again for all your responses!!
LakesideDream Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 If you want to give him that "one time intense pain" in the pit of his stomach.... open up a window with his latest sex solicitation email in it, and another with a picture of him showing off Mr. Winkey. If you have a pic on your computer with one of his "conquests" displayed.. open up a window with that on it to. Finally, open a word processor window with "Pack you bags *********" in it... about a 24 point font, centered. Then let your screen saver click on. When he sits down to the computer to chat up a slut... he'll get the suprise of his cheating career.
Author egallivi Posted July 20, 2007 Author Posted July 20, 2007 Thank you so much once again for all the advice! I packed all the stuff that he has in my house, and I plan on visiting him late tonight and give it all back to him. Oh my God, I really can't believe this is happening. I haven't slept at all last night. I don't know how I can get through all this...
directx Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 Hey egavalli! Yeah, that's pretty good evidence. You are not doing ANYTHING wrong. Good Luck!
bish Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 So I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. I've suspected a little for a while, so I installed a spying program (on my own computer) to spy on him. Turns out he's been cheating on me all this time. Of course that devastates me, but more surprising to me was how often he'd do it. Of course I've decided to break up with him, but I don't want to tell him that I've spied on him. So I don't know how to let him know that I've found out that he cheated. Any advice that anyone can give me would be so much appreciated!! Just tell him that someone who knew he was cheating came up to you and told you. When he asks who it was...just tell him it doesn't matter, because I'm leaving your worthless ass. If you have a name of the girl....then tell him that is who the person said it was, that way he KNOWS that you know.
YellowLioness Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 I know its hard, but keep your chin up. In regards to break ups, you really don't have to explain yourself to him. Its not like he explained himself to you, ever. Just tell him that you've fallen out of love with him and that you want to be single for a while. That's the truth, and that's all he needs to hear. On a personal note- I don't get why people feel like they have to explain things to boyfriends/girlfriends. Its not like marriage, where you have a legally binding piece of paper that keeps you in a family unit. All that's necessary is, "I'm leaving" if that much. *shrugs* I suppose that if you are leaving someone for reasons that aren't terrible, like one is going in the military, off to college, just too different to date but with no angry feelings, then you could explain why you were leaving to keep the friendship intact. However, this guy doesn't deserve that and I can't see you wanting to stay friends with such a nasty looser. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
IpAncA Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 Thank you so much once again for all the advice! I packed all the stuff that he has in my house, and I plan on visiting him late tonight and give it all back to him. Oh my God, I really can't believe this is happening. I haven't slept at all last night. I don't know how I can get through all this... I'm sorry you had to find this out. Be glad you found this out NOW and not later. I would tell him like it is and tell him you know he's cheating. Why hid that? He already knows what he's doing. He shouldn't be shocked. But if you want to talk more about it keep posting. There are lots on here that can relate. But, if you feel you must keep that to yourself, you don't have to explain anything. Tell him you know he's cheating, you are breaking up with him, and you never want to hear from him again. Then leave his place and go home. Done. I agree. I wouldn't let him try and talk his way back in.
StaringContest Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 Do his next gf a favor and don't tell him how you found out. Telling him how will just let him know how to better cover his tracks next time. Besides that, any evidence you bring up just gives him the chance to try to explain it away and convince you not to dump his sorry azz. (You know how cheaters are. "Stop trippin', baby. I wasn't cheating. That girl is a nurse. I sent her naked pics to get health advice." ) Just tell him you know he's cheating, and you're done with him.
Author egallivi Posted July 20, 2007 Author Posted July 20, 2007 Thanks again everyone! Yes, I'm glad I found out now, instead of later, after a year, 5 years, getting married, who knows... I've been with him for less than 6 months, but I'm so attached to him that it's so difficult imagining a life without him. But I know he's cheated, he's a bastard, and I'm breaking up with him. It's gonna be done, tonight. He doesn't deserve me. Oh how this world is cynical!
Mogrul Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I had the same thing, I noticed a change in my girlfriends behaviour, so I installed spyware and caught her cheating, she was also sending pictures of herself naked to other men, so what I did was take the most explicit picture of her and I emailed it to all her friends and family. I was extremely angry when I did that, but it did make me feel a bit better, imagining her mother opening a picture to see her daughters fanny.
BlueEyedSarah Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 So I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. I've suspected a little for a while, so I installed a spying program (on my own computer) to spy on him. Turns out he's been cheating on me all this time. Of course that devastates me, but more surprising to me was how often he'd do it. Of course I've decided to break up with him, but I don't want to tell him that I've spied on him. So I don't know how to let him know that I've found out that he cheated. Any advice that anyone can give me would be so much appreciated!! He was on your computer while cheating too so I would tell him you found out he was cheating from on your computer in the history of the links he has been on.
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