BlueEyedGirl Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I actually think that unattractive people have better and longer relationships than attractive people. They simple have fewer options so work harder on their current relationships, are less attractive to the opposite sex which minimazes the problem of cheating options AND there is much greater chance that when a man picks a less desirable female, he truly likes her personality which bodes well for long term relationships. Often very hot girls are picked based solely on their looks and men overlook the fact that they are not actually compatible with them. Once the intial lust wears off though they head for splitsville.
Reckless Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I don't think its about worth, its about how the human mind works. Nomad is right, studies over and over show that attractiveness (regularity of features etc.) follow a certain (mathematically calculatable) pattern and that across race when people fit the 'beauty ratio' if you like, they are found attractive. People that are judged to be on a certain level of attractiveness tend to leviate towards people that match themselves. This is not only reflected in studies but any street cafe observation on a saturday night will show more that respect this unconscious 'rule' than not. Those that are unattractive but have drive, charisma, style, intelligence and many other such qualities often have no problem finding more attractive partners and are often perceived to be more physically attractive than they actually are. Ultimately, although "leagues" exist (ALL human societies are structured in 'leagues') as far as finding a more/less attractive partner is concerned anyone can defy the studies. What's that saying "No one told me it was impossible so I did it"
Author Nomad Posted July 21, 2007 Author Posted July 21, 2007 This theme I see on here is just amazing to me so only thin, attractive people are worthy or capable of finding love or being attractive to another person? That is the most offensive, ignorant thing I have heard of, ever heard beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Some people are actually able to see how lovely a person is inside and they become more attractive to them because of that. You cannot break down love and relationships into categories like you are trying to do, it happens or it doesn't whether the person be thin or larger, stunning or less so. I'm not sure what your study group includes, but I've seen plenty of people together that might be consider 'opposites' and they love each other despite of it...or maybe because of it. I said no such thing that only certain people are "worthy." I simply made the (rather banal) point that people generally tend to date those of a similar level of attractiveness. Your taking what appears to be personal offense at an empirical statement tells me you're letting emotion getting in way of true understanding. Your assertion that looks and body types "don't matter" is pure fiction, plain and simple. They do matter when people pair up. And who are all of these "opposites" couples, where are they, and how did they get together? Because I believe I would probably take serious issue with your definition of "plenty." I don't doubt that opposites get together once in a while, but as I said, ON AVERAGE this almost certainly isn't the case.
alphamale Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I was at an upscale bar last nite with some friends. The place was packed with gorgeous chicks dressed in designer outfits. Not one of those women was with a nerdy dude. So much for playing out of you league
Turquoise Waters Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I have dated men who were not as attractive and in shape as me before, and I have dated men who were as attractive as me. Leagues really don't exist and more attractive couples matched up "leaguewise" are not happier than other people.
jcster Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I was at an upscale bar last nite with some friends. The place was packed with gorgeous chicks dressed in designer outfits. Not one of those women was with a nerdy dude. So much for playing out of you league Good for you, Alpha Male! (Isn't that what you wanted to hear?)
alphamale Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I have dated men who were not as attractive and in shape as me before, and I have dated men who were as attractive as me. ahhh TW...but have you dated men MORE attractive than you? you know, like the real pretty boys
Turquoise Waters Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I am just being honest, I am at the top of my league.
Lizzie60 Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I said no such thing that only certain people are "worthy." I simply made the (rather banal) point that people generally tend to date those of a similar level of attractiveness. Your taking what appears to be personal offense at an empirical statement tells me you're letting emotion getting in way of true understanding. Your assertion that looks and body types "don't matter" is pure fiction, plain and simple. They do matter when people pair up. And who are all of these "opposites" couples, where are they, and how did they get together? Because I believe I would probably take serious issue with your definition of "plenty." I don't doubt that opposites get together once in a while, but as I said, ON AVERAGE this almost certainly isn't the case. It does exist, whether we like it or not. There are exceptions of course, like anything else... but in general, it is the case.. I totally agree. I had sex with less attractive.. and I also had sex, with, what I would say was 'out of my league'... Like the most gorgeous guy last January, 31 years younger (he was 23)... while on vacation, I thought I was dreaming when he came to my table and asked me if he could talk to me later... I almost fell off my chair. He was 'model' standard.... soooo freakin gorgeous, soooo sexy... the best looking in all the resort... even my best friend, who was with me, could hardly believe this...she said 'go for it' LOL I did... gawd did I ever... To this day, he was my 'trophy guy' LOL... I like to close my eyes sometimes and 'relive' my little adventure in Cancun... gawd it felt good.
alphamale Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I had sex with less attractive.. and I also had sex, with, what I would say was 'out of my league'... if someone is attractive they can play in whatever league they feel like...but most of the time they stay in their own
Lizzie60 Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 if someone is attractive they can play in whatever league they feel like...but most of the time they stay in their own Gawd I looove it when they play in my 'league'...
Turquoise Waters Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 as far as the "league" thing goes, I think men are all talk most of the time. they say " I only date women under a size 4, and I prefer long-haired blondes" but then they end up with a size 10 brunette with a short bob. So I don't really buy the whole "preferences" thing, you don't fall in love with looks when it comes down to it.
Heavenly55 Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Yeah I agree. From what I've seen, the couple usually match in terms of looks, standards, etc... Not to say that people don't mix these because it does happen. I don't like the term "league" because you should be able to be with anyone. Actually I disagree..almost all the very pretty females I know by most standards are with average to below average looking guys..no guy where you would be like wow he's hot. Most of these hot guys are extremely picky..pickier than women will ever be or these guys are players plain and simple.
Heavenly55 Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Ok...there are a lot of different opinions here, and I appreciate everybody's insight. I am going to throw out a statement, and see who agrees with it: ON AVERAGE, , unattractive people date other unattractive people, fat people date other fat people, etc. Now, if this is agreed upon, that opens up the question of WHY? There are 2 possibilities: 1. The unattractives are MAXIMALLY attracted to other unattractives, fat people are maximally attracted to other fat people, etc, so there's no problem: nobody's "settling." Or quote] that is defentially true.
Green Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 people see offended by the idea of league's. Well I guess that makes me on of the league of extrodinary gentlemen... I believe that rules of attraction do exist. If your a motivated, articulate, tall handsome and fit guy your going to have alot more to pick from. As for the original question of how to be happy in your own league, well I think nature kind of takes care of that because there seems to be enough ugly people getting togather and all lovey dovy
IpAncA Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Actually I disagree..almost all the very pretty females I know by most standards are with average to below average looking guys..no guy where you would be like wow he's hot. Most of these hot guys are extremely picky..pickier than women will ever be or these guys are players plain and simple. Well I did use the term "usually." But you see a lot of this is going to come down to what we see. That's USUALLY what I see. Most of these hot guys are extremely picky..pickier than women will ever be Now this I agree with.
Yamaha Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I don't have a league and I don't follow the rules of status and attraction. If I see someone I would like to get to know then I start a conversation and see if I would like it to continue. You have to be confident to do this because many people have leagues. I find the idea of leagues to constricting so it is not in my best interest. It works the same in reverse when someone approaches me. I don't take offense and will give it time to see if there is something there. Sometimes the one you fall in-love with is not the person you would have picked but they are the person you need.
allina Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I've said it before but people on here relly flip out when it's suggested that all people aren't equally attractive and don't have equal dating possibilities. Is this seriously a shock to some people, is it denial, what? In reality there are leagues, of course that doesn't mean that a couple will always be matched equally but usually they are, and things work better when a couple is in the same league, imo. I've wondered the same thing before, if an unattractive person only gets unattractive partners do they feel like all attractive people are out of reach or do they find their partner attractive. I have no doubt that these can be passionate and loving relationships but I still wonder about the attraction aspect. Say you're in a room and look around and who is the most attractive man in there, I would chose the man I found most attractive and talk to him (if I was looking for romantic/sexual relationship) but what if you're unattractive and have really limited possibilities. Would you aim to get to know the less attractive guy in the room not even bothering to try with the attractive one?
IpAncA Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I've said it before but people on here relly flip out when it's suggested that all people aren't equally attractive and don't have equal dating possibilities. Is this seriously a shock to some people, is it denial, what? Some people IMO don't want to be lefted out/pushed aside and seen as unattractive or undesireable. They want an equal chance.
Author Nomad Posted July 22, 2007 Author Posted July 22, 2007 I've wondered the same thing before, if an unattractive person only gets unattractive partners do they feel like all attractive people are out of reach or do they find their partner attractive. I have no doubt that these can be passionate and loving relationships but I still wonder about the attraction aspect. Say you're in a room and look around and who is the most attractive man in there, I would chose the man I found most attractive and talk to him (if I was looking for romantic/sexual relationship) but what if you're unattractive and have really limited possibilities. Would you aim to get to know the less attractive guy in the room not even bothering to try with the attractive one? Yes...that is pretty much my question in a nutshell. My own dating experience is quite limited, and I've had crushes on many, many women who were probably out of my league. So, don't other people feel the same way? If they're with someone who isn't very good-looking, aren't they perpetually unhappy and feeling left out that they can't have who they REALLY want? For instance, I find it extremely hard to believe that fat couples are actually MOST attracted to other fat people, and that they wouldn't rather have a thin partner. This point is hardly ever raised or discussed, and I am very curious about it.
AHIWON Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 There is no "leaugue" as the op stated. It's up to the individual and how they carry themselves. First thing I do with folks who appear snobby is challenge their knowledge. It usually puts them in their place promptly.
Enema Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I've said it before but people on here relly flip out when it's suggested that all people aren't equally attractive and don't have equal dating possibilities. Is this seriously a shock to some people, is it denial, what?? People want to believe that life is fair.
AHIWON Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 People want to believe that life is fair. A human utopia that will never come true. Life isn't fair but damn it, it's awful fun!!!
allina Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 Yes...that is pretty much my question in a nutshell. My own dating experience is quite limited, and I've had crushes on many, many women who were probably out of my league. So, don't other people feel the same way? If they're with someone who isn't very good-looking, aren't they perpetually unhappy and feeling left out that they can't have who they REALLY want? For instance, I find it extremely hard to believe that fat couples are actually MOST attracted to other fat people, and that they wouldn't rather have a thin partner. This point is hardly ever raised or discussed, and I am very curious about it. I think it's a real but hard thing to talk about because people will either get angry/hurt or lie to avoid looking "shallow" Now I don't think looks are everything, nor do I expect a completely flawless partner but I do want a bf that I look at and think 'he's hot' not "darn, I wish I could get one of the fine guys in here but I have to take this" Looks are a matter of opinion but only to an extent, it would be difficult to find someone who prefers a partner that is 100lbs overweight, has bad skin, bad teeth and unattractive facial features. However these people still have relationships/fall in love and have sex. I would say that this usually happens with other less attractive people. I think that in these cases they are attracted to each other though they know other people are more attractive, sort of like how people look at actors/models, I don't think anyone pines away for their bf to look like Brad Pitt, sure he's hot but he's so removed from out pool of dating possibilities that it isn't a huge issue, affecting out real romances.
Yamaha Posted July 22, 2007 Posted July 22, 2007 I do want a bf that I look at and think 'he's hot' not "darn, I wish I could get one of the fine guys in here but I have to take this" Many people have to settle. It is just a fact of life. Yes, unattractive people want the hot guy/girl but unless they want to be alone all their life they settle.
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