Mino Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 How do you come up with these brilliant responses.???? AMAZING , wish I would have talked to you 3 years ago!
herenow Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 Yes it does thanks. It's interesting because it sort of backs up a theory that I have. In the infidelity forum I posted something earlier today as to why the success rate of marriages after an A is low and I think it is because the BS take back their spouses right away giving the impression in actions that they forgive their partner simply by saying ok you can stay. In your case he saw that you were serious about leaving him he saw that you did not accept his behaviour and when faced with the actual loss he did a 180. I think the reason your situation worked out and this is is where my theory comes into play, is beacuse you were willing to walk away you were going to walk away. You contacted lawyer etc. I think a cheater does not learn the lesson unless he is actually faced with losing everything. The "idea" of it is not good enough but the act is. SOme BS out of panic or need just take back the cheater right away and then try to get him to bargain, and I think when you just let him come back instantly (showing you forgive) you lose your bargaining power you send out the wrong message. That's just my theory of course. Wow, we actually agree. However, I wasn't playing a game or bargaining. I was serious and I knew there was a chance that I was sending him into the arms of the OW. If that's what he wanted, I would have put a bow on his d**k and delivered him to her door. But, that is not what he wanted and he continues to show me that he is committed to me and our marriage. Gotta go. Have a good night everyone.
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 20, 2007 Author Posted July 20, 2007 Lizzie, I don't see what she said to you as indicative of believing her H over you. She did call you two weeks later because she probably didn't believe him. Why is this story a warning about telling the W? Sounds pretty harmless. She enlisted your help busting him and even pulled off acting like she never spoke to you. Where is the warning? What did she do that makes this story a warning? In fact she called me 2 weeks later to ask me if he had contacted me.. but I didn't tell you everything she said then... we talked about 45 min. then she called again about 2 weeks later... to talk about him again... I felt that she kind of wanted to get closer to me... (weird feeling, like she wanted to be friend with me)..so I ask her not to call again. I never heard back from her since.
NoIDidn't Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 In fact she called me 2 weeks later to ask me if he had contacted me.. but I didn't tell you everything she said then... we talked about 45 min. then she called again about 2 weeks later... to talk about him again... I felt that she kind of wanted to get closer to me... (weird feeling, like she wanted to be friend with me)..so I ask her not to call again. I never heard back from her since. Okay. Now I understand. And I agree. That's why I typically don't agree with contacting the W or SO. It IS weird when the betrayed wants to keep calling you back (even if you were the other betrayed) to make sure that the APs don't get back together. Its almost like you have to call from a payphone to avoid the return calls that are inevitable (sp?) in these sitches.
Tomcat33 Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 How do you come up with these brilliant responses.???? AMAZING , wish I would have talked to you 3 years ago! Gees MINO you are doing wonders for my ego tonight girl, where should I send the check $$? :laugh: Mainly trial and error from my own experiences and alot of what I have observed here over the course of the months, see I don't just shoot my mouth off (or fingers in this case) I do a fair bit of observing too ;-) But notice I bolded the word error, I learned a lot from my mistakes now I can appreciate growth after loss where as years back I may have just wallowed in the loss...it catches up with you in life I suppose and you put things into practice and all the past pain finally makes sense, it serves a purpose. And yes this convo over wine face to face WOULD be great. I am having wine does that count?
OpenBook Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 If that's what he wanted, I would have put a bow on his d**k and delivered him to her door. I am HOWLING right now!!! (And I'm not even drinking wine!) God that's funny!! Hey, do you guys think LoveShack holds member conventions? You know, like Berkshire Hathaway shareholder meetings? Wouldn't it be a hoot if we all showed up and introduced ourselves... Of course, with the occasional clashes that have occurred on here, it might get bloody in some corners of the room...
Tomcat33 Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 I am HOWLING right now!!! (And I'm not even drinking wine!) God that's funny!! Hey, do you guys think LoveShack holds member conventions? You know, like Berkshire Hathaway shareholder meetings? Wouldn't it be a hoot if we all showed up and introduced ourselves... Of course, with the occasional clashes that have occurred on here, it might get bloody in some corners of the room... yeah I loved that line too. It would totally be a hoot though I dunnow what would happen if all did meet..throw some wine in the mix... but in all seriousness I predict that if we did all meet I bet it would be totally ok, putting the human element into each and every one of our stories would make it very different. Who knows I might even befriend one of my arch nemeses BUAAHAHAHAHAAAA :laugh:
BurriedAlive Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 An OW Convention! What a great idea. That would be a lot of fun. Anyway, as you know, someone from work sent W an anonymous email which caused MM to confess to her that we had slept together 2 times instead of fessing up the 1 year affair that we had. She pretty much stalked me for 3 weeks after, driving by my house, showing up at work. I never did come face to face with her until I couldn't take it anymore and sent her an email telling her I was very sorry to have hurt her (which I was). She called me an hour later and came over to my house with a bottle of wine. We talked for 2 hours pretty much about the aftermath of D day and about who could have possibly wanted her to know her husband was cheating on her. She thought I sent the email which I told her I didn't. She really didn't ask much other than how long it lasted and when it ended. I just answered her questions honestly. I didn't offer any more detail than what she wanted to know. She continued to call me with more questions that night and the next day. It's almost like she felt she needed to know the truth but I think that deep down, she really didn't because the calls stopped after until a week later when she just showed up at my door when I was home for lunch one day. All she asked was: "has anyone asked you not to talk to me?" I told her no and asked her why she needed to know that. She said she was just driving by and it popped into her head. Honestly, that was the strangest conversation I had ever had. One of her questions the night she came over was if I knew of any other time he had cheated on her. I told her I didn't (which was the truth at the time.) A few weeks later I ran into someone that xMM & I worked with who made a comment to me about the fact that he figured that MM would get caught eventually after all those years. I almost threw up. That fact that I knew now that he was a serial cheater made me sick! I thought about this for a few hours. I knew that W still wanted to talk to me because in the few days before this, I had seen her drive by my house 4 or 5 times a day. So, after much thought, I decided to call W up to tell my new information. When she answered, I asked her if she still wanted to talk to me. She said "no, not really." So I said okay, and appologized to her for bothering her and was about to hang up when she said "hey, wait a minute, why did you think that I wanted to talk to you?" I am thinking at this point, duh! But instead I told her that I had seen that she was driving by my house again. Then she asked if MM & I had a "special Saturday" (her words, not mine) at work. I thought about it and said that yes we had met one Saturday at work a few weeks ago. Then she said "Oh." I then told her about the convo I had had that day with MM's friend. So then she said "so you are telling me my whole 20 year marriage has been a lie? I don't understand why these people want me to know this stuff but can't tell me directly. I don't understand who would want me to know this stuff but you." and she went on and on about I was the only one that wanted her to know and that I had sent her that email, etc... She totally tried to discount the information that she was getting by putting all focus on why someone would want her to know. I asked her why in he!! would I want her to find out knowing that my life would be destroyed if she did? After listening to her go on for a little longer, I said that I had to go and I wouldn't call her again. Then she asked if she could still call me!!! I said whatever, I wouldn't be around much longer anyway since I was moving back to the city. Then she had the nerve to say: "well it's nice you can just move away and never have to deal with this again." And that was the last time I talked to her! I couldn't believe that she was more interested in why anyone would want her to know her husband was cheating her instead of the fact that the scumbag she was marriage to had spent more time with me in the past year than her. It's almost like if she could somehow prove that I was out to ruin her marriage by having her find out about the A, it would take some of the blame off MM! So I guess this answers the million $$ question of "how can BS take WS back after the A?" The answer is simple: W lives in denial.
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 20, 2007 Author Posted July 20, 2007 I just answered her questions honestly. In my case, she had very carefully prepared a long questionnaire. She asked him the questions first...then she would turn to me and ask me the same. I was totally honest with her...in fact, after the whole ordeal was finished, I thought to myself... 'maybe I should have lied to her on a few questions'... but at the moment I was too pissed off at him... and wanted some kind of revenge I guess. She asked him if we had oral sex... He said 'no' (apparently that was a big thing for them, she hated oral).. she turned to me and said : Lizzie? I couldn't lie. She almost freaked out at him. Then she asked him if he had taken me to their house.. of course he said no... I said 'yes we have'... Then she asked if we had sex in their bed... and that's where I guess I should have lied... I should have said no, he never took me to your place... I thought afterwards... how painful that must have been for her to imagine the two of us in her bed ... having sex... I'm sure that idea popped in her head each night for a long time after that night... So to this day, I'm still thinking that I should have lied about this part.
BurriedAlive Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 I know. Hindsight is 20/20 isn't it? I guess my reasons for talking to her in the first place were so that the stalking would stop and so that if she believed that I would never sleep with her husband again, she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my job! Well the joke was on me when I lost it. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't even have talked to her at all. She didn't want to hear the truth anymore than her H wanted to tell her. It's funny that you say she wanted to know if you and H had been to her house because W called me from their lake house in a panic and asked if I had been there! It was like the place was tainted now that I was. Don't ask questions you really don't want the answers to!
stillafool Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 An OW Convention! What a great idea. That would be a lot of fun. Anyway, as you know, someone from work sent W an anonymous email which caused MM to confess to her that we had slept together 2 times instead of fessing up the 1 year affair that we had. She pretty much stalked me for 3 weeks after, driving by my house, showing up at work. I never did come face to face with her until I couldn't take it anymore and sent her an email telling her I was very sorry to have hurt her (which I was). She called me an hour later and came over to my house with a bottle of wine. We talked for 2 hours pretty much about the aftermath of D day and about who could have possibly wanted her to know her husband was cheating on her. She thought I sent the email which I told her I didn't. She really didn't ask much other than how long it lasted and when it ended. I just answered her questions honestly. I didn't offer any more detail than what she wanted to know. She continued to call me with more questions that night and the next day. It's almost like she felt she needed to know the truth but I think that deep down, she really didn't because the calls stopped after until a week later when she just showed up at my door when I was home for lunch one day. All she asked was: "has anyone asked you not to talk to me?" I told her no and asked her why she needed to know that. She said she was just driving by and it popped into her head. Honestly, that was the strangest conversation I had ever had. One of her questions the night she came over was if I knew of any other time he had cheated on her. I told her I didn't (which was the truth at the time.) A few weeks later I ran into someone that xMM & I worked with who made a comment to me about the fact that he figured that MM would get caught eventually after all those years. I almost threw up. That fact that I knew now that he was a serial cheater made me sick! I thought about this for a few hours. I knew that W still wanted to talk to me because in the few days before this, I had seen her drive by my house 4 or 5 times a day. So, after much thought, I decided to call W up to tell my new information. When she answered, I asked her if she still wanted to talk to me. She said "no, not really." So I said okay, and appologized to her for bothering her and was about to hang up when she said "hey, wait a minute, why did you think that I wanted to talk to you?" I am thinking at this point, duh! But instead I told her that I had seen that she was driving by my house again. Then she asked if MM & I had a "special Saturday" (her words, not mine) at work. I thought about it and said that yes we had met one Saturday at work a few weeks ago. Then she said "Oh." I then told her about the convo I had had that day with MM's friend. So then she said "so you are telling me my whole 20 year marriage has been a lie? I don't understand why these people want me to know this stuff but can't tell me directly. I don't understand who would want me to know this stuff but you." and she went on and on about I was the only one that wanted her to know and that I had sent her that email, etc... She totally tried to discount the information that she was getting by putting all focus on why someone would want her to know. I asked her why in he!! would I want her to find out knowing that my life would be destroyed if she did? After listening to her go on for a little longer, I said that I had to go and I wouldn't call her again. Then she asked if she could still call me!!! I said whatever, I wouldn't be around much longer anyway since I was moving back to the city. Then she had the nerve to say: "well it's nice you can just move away and never have to deal with this again." And that was the last time I talked to her! I couldn't believe that she was more interested in why anyone would want her to know her husband was cheating her instead of the fact that the scumbag she was marriage to had spent more time with me in the past year than her. It's almost like if she could somehow prove that I was out to ruin her marriage by having her find out about the A, it would take some of the blame off MM! So I guess this answers the million $$ question of "how can BS take WS back after the A?" The answer is simple: W lives in denial. Wow that was an interesting story. Maybe some BS have to put the blame on someone else in order to take their cheaters back. They have to lie to themselves. That's why when my married friends talk bad about their husbands to me I keep my mouth shut. Chances are she will make up with him and hate me for telling her what I really think of him. It's weird.
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