A scenario about friends and significant others. How would you respond?

[zilverenvlinder]

So, basically, the only real friend I've had for the last decade (yes, decade), Kelly, started dating my fiance, Ryan's, best friend, Joey, a few months ago.

 

This is hard for me, because when I say she's my only real friend, that's what I mean. I don't really have any other girls in my life I can relate to, except for my mom and my older sister.

 

I'm just wondering if this is any reason to just completely cut her out of my life. Which would be REALLY hard, because Joey is my boyfriend's best friend.

 

So, a little while after Kelly started dating Joey, I was having suspicions about Ryan's party habits. Obviously, thinking that Kelly was a good confidante, I shared with her my doubts. One of these being dozens of Myspace messages I had glimpsed at from Ryan's ex-girlfriend.

 

So, me being the sneaky girl I am...and apparently, not so smart...I told Kelly I was going to buy a keylogger to put in his computer so I could see what he was talking to his ex about all the time. (Maybe you remember my thread about this?)

 

To make a long story short, I was nearly dumped. Guess why? Kelly obviously valued her two-month long relationship with Joey more than her 10 year friendship with me, and spilled the beans. So, of course, Joey being Ryan's best friend, turned around a told him.

 

Very high school. And sickening. It makes me absolutely sick to know that my "best" friend would stab me like that.

 

Since then, I have pretended nothing has happened. She doesn't know that I know she told him... but I definitely have not told her anything since. Whenever she asks how Ryan and I are doing, even if we're having issues, I say, "Fine" with a smile. She has f***ed with my trust.

 

What should I do about this?

[Trialbyfire]

The relationship you are describing is too close for comfort. In essence, she's also been put into an awkward situation and made a choice.

 

I would have a chat with her and let her know that you're done.

 

If I'm involved in something that close, everything I say is with the thought that it will be released to other parties. Whether the information is released or not, is moot.

[dbtmarley]

She has just showed you that love certainly does win over friendship. If you say something to her it may just cause additional problems in your relationship. I do not think it would hurt to tell her the problem she caused by telling her boyfriend, then you might want to ask her how she thinks you should feel about it. Her answer may give you a clue how to handle it. Who knows she may even apologize.

 

Essentially you cannot tell her anything as long as she is dating your fiance's best friend. It is just not a good idea.

 

I had something similar happen to me once. I was dating this girl once who was friends with my best friends wife. She started telling me things that the wife would tell her. I put a stop to it and just told her I did not want to hear anything about them.

 

Why did your hubby's finding out cause you to almost be dumped anyways? Have you got to the bottom of the myspace thingy? Why is Ryan chatting it up with the ex if he is engaged to you. Did he stop after the keylogger incident?