Hazy Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I still have to agree that there is no reason that the specific amount of how much you earn at your job should not be discussed. There is no reason this guy you're dating should have known that you are making twice what he does. I think you can say you got a promotion or an exciting opportunity at work without stating "I am going to be making $XXX,000 a year now. You had to have said something to this effect, otherwise he would not have known that you were now making over double what he does. It was very tacky and uncalled for for you to tell him the exact amount of your salary. I think that is why he was put off, your tacky rudeness and he doesn't want to date someone who would brag like that. You can state your accomplishments without bragging how much you are making, or even stating the exact amount of your new salary (or your old one for that matter.)
Cobra_X30 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Hazy, I dont start off a date with my bank account totals, but at some point this has to be discussed. I believe that it is more than likely he resented her usurping a part of his masculine role in the relationship.
Hazy Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Hazy, I dont start off a date with my bank account totals, but at some point this has to be discussed. I believe that it is more than likely he resented her usurping a part of his masculine role in the relationship. Why does the amount of how much she makes per year have to be discussed? He should not have known that she will be making more than twice what he will be making. They aren't engaged. They aren't planning a future together. She specifically told him how much money she would be making, which is a total no-no. look where it got her.
Hazy Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Ugh ...... he then told me that with my new raise I now make more than twice as much as he does and he doesn't feel very comfortable with that and would rather I didn't talk about it. This is exactly what I'm talking about. He was saying "You didn't need to tell me exactly how much you make, that is rude and tacky." If I were seeing a guy and he said "Hey, I got a big raise at work, I am now going to be making $200,000 instead of $150,000." I would actually read that as being very rude and tacky and bragging. If he said "Hey, I got this wonderful promotion at work, it's great." If I asked him "So how much more will you be making?" (which would also be rude and uncalled for, btw) and he volunteered to answer, then that is fine (even though I was rude for asking the number amount.) If I asked for more details about the promotion, that is cool, but the person shouldn't be announcing the exact amount of the raise and how much they are making unless they are engaged and planning a future together such as buying a house and how much savings they will have. This couple is still at the dating stage so there is absolutely no reason to be tacky by telling straight out how much you make to the person you are dating. Tacky and rude.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Hazy, I agree with what your saying here. To start talking about $$$ earnings so early is tantamount to bragging. Especially when your talking to a teacher, who is a goverment sector employee. If somebody says "Hi Im a teacher", you can pretty accurately guess what they are making. So why go there?
Woggle Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 It is probably other factors than how much she makes. Many of these hyper career women are just boring people. They show up at work at 7:00 am and leave at 9:00 pm. They go in on weekends and holidays and they seem incapable of turning off that corporate mindset once they leave the office and they are usually big balls of stress that are incapable of relaxing and enjoying themselves. I know women like this in their 20s who look and carry themselves as if they were in their 40s. I am not saying that all successful women are like this because many women including my wife are able to happily balance career and personal life but hyper careerists are just a nightmare to be in a relationship with and that applies to men as well.
Author annabelle75 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Yikes. A whole lot of assumptions going on there. Just to clarify the conversation went like this: Him: How did your review go today? Me: Better than expected. I'm really feeling good about it. Him: Good. Did you get a decent raise. Me: About 10%. I'm happy with it. Him: That sounds really good. How much does that put you at a year? Me: $**,*** Him: Wow. That's really good. It wasn't until the next night that out of no where he asked that I never talk about how much I make because it makes him feel uncomfortable. My response, "Then you shouldn't have asked." Sorry, but I don't think I did anything wrong. Also, this boy is on his way out now. I'm about to start a new thread about what went down last week. Three strikes and he's out.
DanielMadr Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Ahahhahahhahha.... You obviously don't know any lawyers or at least very well. While they have a veneer of civility, inside they're tougher than a chuck steak seered on high temp for an hour. Ehm, ehm. We are talking about tough. Not sleak, outspoken, emotionaly detached and stepping on corpses smart azzes. We are talking about real world tough. Go on a vacation to a country without a law and he will be just another sweating lamb, my dear. Or wait how he would react in robbery type of situations or "I slap your girlfriend to sparkle a fight" type of situations In 8 cases out of 10 you would wish to have a bricklayer by your side
DanielMadr Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Yikes. A whole lot of assumptions going on there. Just to clarify the conversation went like this: Him: How did your review go today? Me: Better than expected. I'm really feeling good about it. Him: Good. Did you get a decent raise. Me: About 10%. I'm happy with it. Him: That sounds really good. How much does that put you at a year? Me: $**,*** Him: Wow. That's really good. It wasn't until the next night that out of no where he asked that I never talk about how much I make because it makes him feel uncomfortable. My response, "Then you shouldn't have asked." Sorry, but I don't think I did anything wrong. Also, this boy is on his way out now. I'm about to start a new thread about what went down last week. Three strikes and he's out. Your contempt for him is obvious. Why hide it behind gender conditioning BS. Just say I dont love him and never did. Instead of making him a Jerk when you were a jerk....using him for physical pleasure and wasting his time and emotions. Isnt it you are trying to make revenge or something?
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Ehm, ehm. We are talking about tough. Not sleak, outspoken, emotionaly detached and stepping on corpses smart azzes. We are talking about real world tough. Go on a vacation to a country without a law and he will be just another sweating lamb, my dear. Or wait how he would react in robbery type of situations or "I slap your girlfriend to sparkle a fight" type of situations In 8 cases out of 10 you would wish to have a bricklayer by your side Well...no... The uncivilized man isn't of any interest to me. A nice polish over core strength is far more interesting than someone who walks around in a smelly wife-beater t-shirt, beer in hand, scratching his balls.
Author annabelle75 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Your contempt for him is obvious. Why hide it behind gender conditioning BS. Just say I dont love him and never did. Instead of making him a Jerk when you were a jerk....using him for physical pleasure and wasting his time and emotions. Isnt it you are trying to make revenge or something? WOW. There is no need for me to respond to this. You obviously have some serious problems.
DanielMadr Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Well...no... The uncivilized man isn't of any interest to me. A nice polish over core strength is far more interesting than someone who walks around in a smelly wife-beater t-shirt, beer in hand, scratching his balls. He he. Diamonds can be found under hills of dirt And I wasnt talking about uncivilized man. I was talking about tough man being better catch in uncivillised world. When you have some kind of drama - disaster you will find that the hand pulling you out of a river stream or slapping the attacker wont be manicured
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 He he. Diamonds can be found under hills of dirt And I wasnt talking about uncivilized man. I was talking about tough man being better catch in uncivillised world. When you have some kind of drama - disaster you will find that the hand pulling you out of a river stream or slapping the attacker wont be manicured The 0.000000000001 chance of a future disaster recovery requirement, isn't sufficient to offset the daily need for conversation beyond the simian grunting stage.
DanielMadr Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 WOW. There is no need for me to respond to this. You obviously have some serious problems. Its a pitty I was hoping for provoking in you some introspection. Serious problems? There are more than one? Oh deer.
Author annabelle75 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Its a pitty I was hoping for provoking in you some introspection. Why? What you said didn't even come close to relating to my situation. I think you were projecting soem of your own issues into my story. I have never had anything that even resembled comtempt for him. I really liked him and was starting to fall for him. It hurts me that it is going to end like this.
DanielMadr Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 The 0.000000000001 chance of a future disaster recovery requirement, isn't sufficient to offset the daily need for conversation beyond the simian grunting stage. OK. Your fault. But remember what I told you. Sometimes 10% of higher IQ can do more damage than good. conversations....huh....yeah right:rolleyes:
DanielMadr Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Why? What you said didn't even come close to relating to my situation. OK. Then I came with false conslusions. my bad. I think you were projecting soem of your own issues into my story. Nope. I have never had anything that even resembled comtempt for him. I really liked him and was starting to fall for him. It hurts me that it is going to end like this. Dodged L-bomb, watching for strikes, suggesting his insecurity, looking for approval from LS community.....these were my clues. If I misread, sorry. If not then give it some hard thoughts. You wouldnt be first one who strings along uncompatible partners for drama seeking, pattern following, ego boosting or whatever reasons.
Author annabelle75 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 If I misread, sorry. If not then give it some hard thoughts. You wouldnt be first one who strings along uncompatible partners for drama seeking, pattern following, ego boosting or whatever reasons. Very much the opposite. I was trying to avoid drama as much as possible. I just wanted to find some one that I enjoyed being with and enjoyed being with me. Is it too much to ask for a normal happy relationship?
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 OK. Your fault. But remember what I told you. Sometimes 10% of higher IQ can do more damage than good. conversations....huh....yeah right:rolleyes: Any relationship has risks inherent. You have to trust someone to have a functional relationship. It sounds like you don't have much use for women beyond the physical. That's a shame. We're more than a slab of meat to bring out when the need strikes you.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Very much the opposite. I was trying to avoid drama as much as possible. I just wanted to find some one that I enjoyed being with and enjoyed being with me. Is it too much to ask for a normal happy relationship? Yeah, so I read the first part of your other post about this guy. I think your right, he is just a tool. The funny part of the post is that you make it sound like you were a porn star, or a bull fighter or something. Ambiguity oft invites assumption, however I completely understand in your situation.
mental_traveller Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Your contempt for him is obvious. Why hide it behind gender conditioning BS. Just say I dont love him and never did. Instead of making him a Jerk when you were a jerk....using him for physical pleasure and wasting his time and emotions. Isnt it you are trying to make revenge or something? Where's the contempt in her post? To be honest I can't detect it. All I see is someone answering her boyfriend's rather nosey questions about her income level. Also I don't see how you can accuse her of "using" him for physical pleasure - where does she indicate that she was only meeting him for that? I mean when was the last time you met a woman who used men for sex? It's the other way round 90% of the time and you know it.
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