squeak Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Today is my day off, I was watching a special on Arnold S and Maria Schriver. That lady is bold, powerful, motivated. I was pondering the women who get married, then the ones who are hurt terribly when their SO of many years leaves them and marries months later, why does that happen to some women and not others? I was thinking of the tone of responses and questions from people on this board. As much as I can put it down to a formula, I think it is a mistake to squelch down your voice if you don't like a situation. A pattern has emerged that the "cooler" one tries to be in a situation that is hurtful to them, the more they lose themself. The self is the key. Development of the self to be so large and overwhelming because the meek will never inherit the earth, only pain and humiliation. The women I know who are married (not necessarily in great relationships though) are ones who are confident in who they are, never ever try to be what they think the man wants. Somehow the guy always knows they will leave if boundaries are crossed. People need that fear, or else they may take advantage. I think that is the essence of charming, to become more and more authentically yourself , whatever that may be, and be proud and accepting of it. The women who start to lose themselves get the short end of the stick. There are exceptions that a strong woman will drive a weaker man away. I have also noticed the women on this board who post and are in happy loving marriages, from what they say, don't take any bulls**t. They are okay with being alone, and it is authentic. That is the key to all of this, all those rules books-guys can tell if the girl is faking strenth, or boundaries, or trying too hard, or playing games. It really has to come from a place of strength. I can't even explain what confidence is, but I know immediately when I meet another female who authentically has it. But how does one go about getting more when so many things in life happened to damage and make one less sure of oneself? What do you all think of this? A guy does not really want a woman who will not be his rock, hold his back, and show her strenth in a myriad of ways. The insecure girl is an ego boost, and maybe he is doing things to play on that insecurity, but it is definitely the powerhouses who know themselves that are destined for happiness... right?
Touche Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 Today is my day off, I was watching a special on Arnold S and Maria Schriver. That lady is bold, powerful, motivated. I was pondering the women who get married, then the ones who are hurt terribly when their SO of many years leaves them and marries months later, why does that happen to some women and not others? I was thinking of the tone of responses and questions from people on this board. As much as I can put it down to a formula, I think it is a mistake to squelch down your voice if you don't like a situation. A pattern has emerged that the "cooler" one tries to be in a situation that is hurtful to them, the more they lose themself. The self is the key. Development of the self to be so large and overwhelming because the meek will never inherit the earth, only pain and humiliation. The women I know who are married (not necessarily in great relationships though) are ones who are confident in who they are, never ever try to be what they think the man wants. Somehow the guy always knows they will leave if boundaries are crossed. People need that fear, or else they may take advantage. I think that is the essence of charming, to become more and more authentically yourself , whatever that may be, and be proud and accepting of it. The women who start to lose themselves get the short end of the stick. There are exceptions that a strong woman will drive a weaker man away. I have also noticed the women on this board who post and are in happy loving marriages, from what they say, don't take any bulls**t. They are okay with being alone, and it is authentic. That is the key to all of this, all those rules books-guys can tell if the girl is faking strenth, or boundaries, or trying too hard, or playing games. It really has to come from a place of strength. I can't even explain what confidence is, but I know immediately when I meet another female who authentically has it. elf? But how does one go about getting more when so many things in life happened to damage and make one less sure of one self? What do you all think of this? A guy does not really want a woman who will not be his rock, hold his back, and show her strenth in a myriad of ways. The insecure girl is an ego boost, and maybe he is doing things to play on that insecurity, but it is definitely the powerhouses who know themselves that are destined for happiness... right? Wow, what a post. I absolutely loved it! I applaud you and I give you a standing ovation for it. Wonderful and all so true. You raise such interesting questions though too. First of all, yes. I say yes to your last question. Without a doubt. A no-brainer there. But THIS is what had me stumped: But how does one go about getting more when so many things in life happened to damage and make one less sure of one self? I thought about this one a lot. Because it happened to me and I wasn't exactly sure how it happened. I was your quintessential doormat. I was. (See profile...I'm a goddess now, not a doormat.) But anyway, I thought about it. It happened so gradually. Over many years. My transformation was building slowly over the years. With each new accomplishment in my life, I gained more confidence and ignored the put-downs. Also, I decided at one point that I'd just ACT confident and self-assured, even if I didn't really feel that way. After awhile, the combination of realizing my goals and believing in myself and the "acting" like I was confident, just made me into the person you speak of. It helped me find my partner in life. And boy, did you get this right: I have also noticed the women on this board who post and are in happy loving marriages, from what they say, don't take any bulls**t. They are okay with being alone, and it is authentic. So true. Except for one little thing. Would I be "ok" with being alone? Sure, I know I would be. But would I like it? NO. But I've done it before and I know I can do it again and be happy with myself. But you're so right on all of it. I don't take any BS. And yes, I have a very happy and loving relationship (together almost 13 years now.) Thanks for this very excellent post.
Curmudgeon Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 What do you all think of this? A guy does not really want a woman who will not be his rock, hold his back, and show her strenth in a myriad of ways. right? I would say that applies to real men. Those who want someone weak and needy are those who don't have much strength themselves. One thing that attracted me to my wife from the first moment I met her going on 16 years ago was what I still refer to as her "delightful independence."
Touche Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 I would say that applies to real men. Those who want someone weak and needy are those who don't have much strength themselves. One thing that attracted me to my wife from the first moment I met her going on 16 years ago was what I still refer to as her "delightful independence." I love that. Yes. It's funny because that same independence you speak of that my H loves about me now, is the very thing that broke my ex and I apart...the man who was 19 years older than me and very domineering and controlling. He would have NEVER described my new-found confidence and independence as "delightful"...anything BUT!
CaliGuy Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 So the bottom line is to be yourself. Be confident, have boundaries and speak up when you should. Those are all traits of a confident, secure person. One who would walk away from a relationship when boundaries are crossed repeatedly. I always think you should be yourself, 100% of the time. Because if you are the person who does fall in love with you will love you for life, for who you are. Cheers.
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