ing Girlfriend deal with her social interaction/jealousy problem

[Conner]

Hello, it's my first post on here and I'm really hoping to get some good advice. I'm 28 and I have been in a steady relationship with my SO for 18 months. She is 24. While she's an intelligent and beautiful woman, she does have a fairly big jealousy problem that makes things very difficult at times. She's very insecure about her appearance and says that she feels ugly around women who are more attractive than her. I think she's beautiful and always tell her this but it doesn't seem to help. She just gets more upset and I've noticed that she has become withdrawn and antisocial over time. If we go out somewhere together, she will be great until she sees a woman she feels threatened by, or I talk to an attractive girl even if it's a just my friend's girlfriend, and then hell breaks loos. We end up argueing because she becomes rude and bitchy to everyone and tries to drag me back home even if we've just arrived somewhere. If i put my foot down and chose to stay and socialise with my friends, she goes home crying and gives me the silent treatment for days sometimes weeks afterward. If i give in and go home with her, it makes me feel angry deep down about having my plans ruined, and even a tiny bit resentful that she cant just go out and have fun like everyone else. I'd really like for us to be able to go out as a couple and have a good time without her insecuritys taking over and ruining everything. Now a few of my friends have hinted that they don't really want her to come out anymore thaks to her unpleasant tantrums. I'm really at a loss as how i should try help her solve this. Ive been really patient wit her but she doesn't seem to be coming round, I ve tried talking to her and discussing things calmly but she flys into a temper.

 

Can somebody suggest an alternative method I could try to help her? She needs to lern to behave in a socially acceptable way and realize that attractive women aren't out to get her and that she can have fun with them just like she does with other people.

[squeak]

Can you get her to be specific about what is bothering her?

 

Maybe she sees something in the way the women are interacting with you that you don't?

 

Do you put your arm around her and introduce her as your girlfriend and pay attention to her at these parties? Do you ask her if she wants anything and then go get it for her? Do you show her she is always #1 priority or is she reacting to something else and maybe not able to verbalize it?

 

PS-Sometimes attractive women ARE out to get her. And not so attractive.

Some Women can be real bit**es, and maybe your GF is keen to that.

Don't be naive.

 

It could be subtle stuff she picks up that you may not see.

 

Attractive women love to show they could get the guy if they wanted, by:

 

stealing your attention away,

flirting too much,

posing in a way that draws attention to certain body parts so they make sure the GF sees you taking the bait.

 

Does this happen with many different circles of friends or just the same group?

 

If you are absolutely sure NONe of this is happening, and she can't identify anything other than she doesn't like attractive women..then you've got yourself a real problem.

 

Her flying into a rage when you try to discuss it could be a much bigger issue than the stuff you wrote about. Explain to her she needs to be logical and reasonable, that's no way to communicate! And it won't help you or her. That is not a good trait.

 

Try to get to the bottom of it by talking it through and trying to identify exacty what is happening, and if in fact it could be specific to certain members of the group. Good luck!

[Conner]

I'm not sure what the specific problem is. I suspect it is to do with her insecuritys about her looks and her seeing other women as a form of competition. Im always very careful not to interact with other girls in a way that will upset her. All I'm really talkig about is saying hello to my friend's girlfriends and being polite to other girls in the group. I dont think this is unreasonable, but it's still enough to cause her to snap and get upset. Well, it's usually the same wide social group. We don' all hang out as a group at certain times its more of a socal circle. Many of these people have been my friends since I was a child. And they're girlfriends have no reasn to be nasty to her! If anything theyve tried to be welcoming to her and she's just thrown in back in their faces. I'm walking on eggshells around her which im starting to resent. Im sure it is something within herself rather than a problem other people. Actually one thing i forgot to mention is that she used to be rather on the heavy side but lost a lot of weight before she met me. I think she still has some big hang ups about this because she's always referring to her "huge hips" and asking me if she looks fat. If she sees a really slim attractive girl she becomes irritible and bitchy and makes negative comments about her body which I find very upsetting. I don't really understand why she's got to be like this, she has nothing to worry about. Ok she isn't a supermodel but she is a very attractive woman with a great personality when she lets it shine through, yet she seems to let a few silly insecuritys get the best of her.

 

Some will ask me why i bother with her but I know that deep down she isn't really a bitchy, difficult person becase I've seen her many good sides. I know there is a fun, kind person there who is just being obsucred by her jealous evil twin. But as i said, I feel i'm at a dead end and would appreciate some help as to where i go from here. Thanks.