Author justice Posted July 20, 2007 Author Posted July 20, 2007 I wholeheartedly agree, and that is exactly how I felt in my own case (I'm now divorced). Congratulations on a newer and hopefully happier life! Me too. Doesn't it feel good not being lied to and having someone smokescreen you? I am loving it!
PoshPrincess Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 I don't know why men chose women like the ow in my case, my guess? Maybe it is the differentness, the danger of knowing that these type of ow could explode at any given point, and the cheating H thinks they are so good at lying that they can get away with it scott free, not caring who gets hurt in the process. It's a case of protect your a&& at all costs and to he)) with everyone else. Or at least that's how it seems to me. Justice, I don't necessarily think that the women are like this when the MM 'choose' to have an A with them. Normally the OW are quite possibly sane, rational human beings, but unfortunately one of the effects of a EMA (and I am not defending the OW (ie me) here or saying that she doesn't deserve it) is the severe trauma it causes EVERYONE involved. Of course, the MM and OW (or MW and OM, as the case may be) are the ones to blame and have to take full responsibility for their actions, but I think these MM drive us all totally mental! Speaking from my own experience, I cannot begin to describe how the end of my A with MM made me feel. Not the fact that it had ended, but the way it ended, the fact that there was no closure, etc. Ok, so I didn't turn into a stalker (well, maybe a bit with him but have NEVER hassled his W, called his home, turned up there or anything like that) but I can SO understand how the OP is driven to that. These situations mess with your head BIG TIME. I think someone mentioned the fact that the MM gets off on the danger of the A. I know for a fact that my MM NEVER enjoyed that side of our R, which is one of the main reasons it ended. He couldn't handle the guilt, the sneaking around, constantly lying to everyone and having to cover his a***. Of course, he may be the exception. I think a lot of this depends of whether the MM cares for the OW or not. If not, it's likely he's only in it for the sex and DOES get off on the danger! I think every person and every situation is slightly different. PS I don't think that ALL BSs believe all the lies and bullsh*t they are fed either. Ok, some DO bury their heads in the sand because they would rather that than face up to being alone. A lot of the BSs know deep down that their H is covering his a*** but don't have any proof and, not only that, but in some ways, the WS is lying to protect the BS as well as himself. I think so long as the WS has learned from his/her mistakes, is prepared to give the M all they've got and are pretty much certain they won't cheat again, then surely it is a lot easier to forgive? It's the ones that lie time and again that can't be trusted and are never going to change. I don't think any of us OW can judge a BS for staying and can't even begin to understand unless we have been there ourselves.
serial muse Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 I don't think any of us OW can judge a BS for staying and can't even begin to understand unless we have been there ourselves. Thank you, Posh, I really appreciate this. And I agree that every situation - why a MM gets involved with a particular OW - is going to be different.
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 A lot of the BSs know deep down that their H is covering his a*** but don't have any proof and, not only that, but in some ways, the WS is lying to protect the BS as well as himself Spot on, Posh. Few people are so paranoid as to dismantle their lives and marriages over speculation alone. You don’t run to the attorney demanding a divorce because you think your spouse might be an adulterer. Rational people are more likely to give their partners the benefit of the doubt until they’re smacked upside the head by that proverbial two-by-four. I think that’s what they refer to as “trust.” And sadly, that’s the one human virtue (gift) dishonest folks piss on the most and misuse to their advantage.
PoshPrincess Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 Spot on, Posh. Few people are so paranoid as to dismantle their lives and marriages over speculation alone. You don’t run to the attorney demanding a divorce because you think your spouse might be an adulterer. Rational people are more likely to give their partners the benefit of the doubt until they’re smacked upside the head by that proverbial two-by-four. I think that’s what they refer to as “trust.” And sadly, that’s the one human virtue (gift) dishonest folks piss on the most and misuse to their advantage. Exactly. Of course you would give your H/W the benefit of the doubt. Why wouldn't you, unless the OW had told you otherwise? My exMM told his W a load of lies about our R (well, he played it down big style) so what else would she do? the only Q she asked me was had we slept together and, at that time, we hadn't, to which I swore on my son's life. She told me she would never bother me again after receiving my answer and she has kept to that. I told her nothing else because I DID love my MM and didn't want to do that to him. I know he has learned his lesson so she has no worries on that score anyway.
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