lainhateslie Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 me and my gf r going pretty well atm... but the problem is... shes as big as me, and shes extremely confident about herself. i like her for that but deeply id still wish her to be a little more fit....i tried to talk about this for some times but ended up pretty uselessly. i didnt directly tell her that (of course) but she's smart and stubborn. anyway is there a way to make her realize that i want her to be a little bit more slim... without upsetting her i'd say. oh and btw she's 19 and im 25 and her first bf.. donno if that'll help. thank you
Krytellan Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Well honestly, you come off as a bit of a jerk for dating her and liking her confidence when all along you don't like her appearance. A classy person would accept her as she is or move along w/o degrading her appearance. I think we can agree she knows exactly how much she weighs. The problem is not hers, it's yours. Or, you can choose to bring up her weight to her and be a jerk to her face. Is there a way to do it without hurting her, unlikely. Be careful though. If she is as confident as you say, she may just send you packing when you insult her appearance.
burning 4 revenge Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I don't think he's being a jerk. It's totally natural to not want your mate to get too fat
McFadden Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I don't see why you can't bring it up once just to make sure she is aware of it, but if she's as confident as you said she probably won't want to lose weight. Make sure you know beforehand that there's no polite way to bring something like this up and she might be upset and break up with you. If you are really that concerned about her weight and she's not thats inevitable though. I am interested to see the replies on this because when someone else posted about asking a guy to remove moles, it got flamed a lot. I wonder if this question will get flamed or if this is more socially acceptable.
Poboy Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 keep this in mind 'she's not fat ... she is big boned' accept her for how she is or break it off.
burning 4 revenge Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I am interested to see the replies on this because when someone else posted about asking a guy to remove moles, it got flamed a lot. I wonder if this question will get flamed or if this is more socially acceptable.It's more acceptable.
BlueEyedGirl Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 If you want someone who is more fit - go and find another girl that would fulfill that criteria. You didn't say she suddenly gained weight so I assume she was heavy when you two met; and if that didn't bother you then why is it bothering you now? People have their "natural" weight and some are heavier than others. If she has been "fat" most of her life, chances are she will remain "fat". Even if she suddenly got amazing will power to starve herself and exercise madly, she would lose weight in the short term only - and would soon go back to what she was. So if being fit and slim is important to you in a partner - go and find someone who is naturally that.
Citizen Erased Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 You idiot. Because I am sure that she isn't actually aware of how much she weighs. She couldn't possibly know that she could be a bit thinner, a little bit more toned, all because she is confident Every woman is aware of every single flaw in her body, it is not your job to tell her what they are. It's your job to make her feel like you love her anyway. She doesn't need her boyfriend to re-enforce in her mind that what she already knows. Unless you want a kick in the nuts, shut your mouth.
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 You idiot. Because I am sure that she isn't actually aware of how much she weighs. She couldn't possibly know that she could be a bit thinner, a little bit more toned, all because she is confident Every woman is aware of every single flaw in her body, it is not your job to tell her what they are. It's your job to make her feel like you love her anyway. She doesn't need her boyfriend to re-enforce in her mind that what she already knows. Unless you want a kick in the nuts, shut your mouth. Yes I think she already knows that she's got a few extra pounds...but maybe she thinks HE'S okay with it... but he's not! If it's not his job to tell her that he doesn't want her to get too fat, I really don't know who's job it is?
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 be honest and tell her your concern... no beating around the bush. If she's smart, she'll know you mean business. It's not just about appearance, it's a huge health issue and she needs to addess that problem before it gets out of control.
BlueEyedGirl Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Also if she is intuitive at all she already knows how you feel about her weight and is plotting to dump you. Few years ago I was on a medication that made me gain 20kgs. I was always small and that was by far heaviest I have ever been. I started dating this guy, and despite us getting along well and him generally being nice to me, I could sense that my weight bothered him. It was in the way he looked at me when I mentioned I wanted to go out for pizza or the comment he would make about unfit women or about the fact that he constantly played up that he is fit and skinny (although that is all he had going for him). He never directly said anything but I knew. I dumped him soon after and he didn't really care much (suprise suprise). I bumped into him recently and have since got off the medication and lost all the weight. I could see the look in his eyes as he was checking me out and said about 5 times how fit I look. He followed that up by phone calls and flowers and I took such a great pleasure in telling him to f^&* off. Yet another guy that only wanted to be friends when I was heavy recently expressed interest in dating me. I really enjoyed rejecting him too. Anybody that didn't want me fat, can not have me skinny. And if your girl has any common sense she will do the same.
Krytellan Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 My point is why date a girl who is too fat for you and then suddenly decide it's your job to tell her she's too fat for you? Do you see the silliness of that?
StayClose Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 The only time you can discuss a woman's weight with her is when she brings up the topic.
StayClose Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Yet another guy that only wanted to be friends when I was heavy recently expressed interest in dating me. I really enjoyed rejecting him too. Anybody that didn't want me fat, can not have me skinny. And if your girl has any common sense she will do the same. If a woman likes herself better when she's thin than when she's fat, then isn't hypocritical to be mad at others for feeling the same way?
nittygritty Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 be honest and tell her your concern... no beating around the bush. If she's smart, she'll know you mean business. It's not just about appearance, it's a huge health issue and she needs to addess that problem before it gets out of control. Ummm... You don't think a woman should tell a man she's dating to get rid of his back hair or a raised unusual potentially precancerous mole but your advising a man to tell the woman he's dating that he thinks she's too fat for him and she needs to seriously lose weight? Lainhateslie, you should find a tactful way to talk to your girlfriend about her weight. It isn't healthy. Maybe the two of you could join a gym together or start doing a sport or exercising together, like hiking, jogging, tennis, etc.
T-town Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Dont tell her she is fat...say something like 'hey i noticed this gym down the road has a special what do you think about US joining?' And then both of you guys go. And then when you guys go out to eat stop taking her to fast food places, take her to subway or something...cook for both of you guys and cook something healthy. There are things you can do without hurting her feelings.
nittygritty Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Has your girlfriend gained weight from using birth control pills or another form of birth control that contains hormones? Like Depo-Provera? She will gain a lot more weight if she gets pregnant, so keep using birth control. I asked because some do cause more weight gain than others. She should talk to her doctor about the differences in types of birth control pills, shots, etc. Good Luck
Trialbyfire Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Ian, how tall is your g/f and how much does she weigh? Is her BMI within the normal range?
Nemo Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Draw her a bath, and top it up so there is no way she can immerse herself without causing an overflow. Archimedes did that to his girlfriend, and it worked a treat. If she goes to empty some water out, ask her why she is wasting it. If she says it is too full, say that it wouldn't be a problem for you.
Nemo Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 , and shes extremely confident about herself. I just want to add that she must be deluded. Her condition needs treatment, and I can't stress this enough.
Chamari Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 You said you have a problem with it because she's as big as you--Are you a big guy or relatively skinny? Just to clarify that. And is she actually fat or just bigger than your comfortable with? I mean, is she really out of shape or is genetics? If it's genetics, then her confidence makes sense and it strikes me as really shallow that you hooked up with her and now have issues with her body type. If she is simply fat ... suggesting more activites that get you both out excercising might help.
Missy27 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Draw her a bath, and top it up so there is no way she can immerse herself without causing an overflow. Archimedes did that to his girlfriend, and it worked a treat. If she goes to empty some water out, ask her why she is wasting it. If she says it is too full, say that it wouldn't be a problem for you. :laugh::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: ROTFLMAO ~~~ Oh my God Nemo - you've made me laugh SOOOOO Much today ~~~ THANK YOU
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Ummm... You don't think a woman should tell a man she's dating to get rid of his back hair or a raised unusual potentially precancerous mole but your advising a man to tell the woman he's dating that he thinks she's too fat for him and she needs to seriously lose weight? Lainhateslie, you should find a tactful way to talk to your girlfriend about her weight. It isn't healthy. Maybe the two of you could join a gym together or start doing a sport or exercising together, like hiking, jogging, tennis, etc. This is different... she's his gf... and she can just get fatter if she thinks he's OK with her weight... If he's not comfortable with it, he can give her an ultimatum..and if this doesn't work, he can always leave her... simple... She gets the last word anyway... for sure.
electric_sheep Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 These "fat" threads are always so caustic. Everyone seems intent on blaming someone... either the fat person, for being fat, or the partner of the fat person, for being shallow. Does everything in life have to be somebodies "fault"? Does someone always have to be "wrong"? Some things just ARE. Physical attraction is a complex thing. It's not unusual for it to wax and wan. Just because you find someone attractive at first doesn't mean you are going to find them attractive till the day they die. The real question is... is it really just the weight, and is she willing to do something about it? If not, can he manage to look beyond it? I think sometimes people can use stuff like this to be controlling and put down other people. I don't get the sense the OP falls under that category. As for me, if my back hair ever started bothering my gf, I'd hope she would say something, in a kind and thoughtful way. (I don't actually have back hair, it just made for a good example)
Trialbyfire Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 These "fat" threads are always so caustic. Everyone seems intent on blaming someone... either the fat person, for being fat, or the partner of the fat person, for being shallow. Does everything in life have to be somebodies "fault"? Does someone always have to be "wrong"? Some things just ARE. Physical attraction is a complex thing. It's not unusual for it to wax and wan. Just because you find someone attractive at first doesn't mean you are going to find them attractive till the day they die. The real question is... is it really just the weight, and is she willing to do something about it? If not, can he manage to look beyond it? I think sometimes people can use stuff like this to be controlling and put down other people. I don't get the sense the OP falls under that category. As for me, if my back hair ever started bothering my gf, I'd hope she would say something, in a kind and thoughtful way. (I don't actually have back hair, it just made for a good example) Part of the issue is, was she this size when they met? The balance is, are there imperfections about him that she is accepting because she's willing to overlook them due to looking below the surface. Sometimes people get too wrapped up in the external. Sure, you need to be attracted to each other but is a trophy on your arm so necessary? If so you might want to look hard at yourself and fix your own insecurities. Btw, the usage of "you" is generic.
Recommended Posts