Rave70 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Hi...I have a unique situation. I am the OW involved with a MM. He was a childhood friend and while growing up as cute as he was, I didn't have any attraction for him. I ran into him a while back and we starting talking. One thing lead to another and we got involved. I really care for him but I am not in love with him. I don't ask about his home life and I don't care to know. I think it's best to try and not get all invloved in that. I also have another guy I am invloved with too and I date other guys. Since I am single, I feel I should be able to date whoever I want. The thing is, my best friend says that she thinks my MM is falling hard for me. While I care for him alot I just don't want love to become a part of this because I think that can complicate our situation. My MM is 35 yrs old(like me) and he is married to an older woman almost 20 yrs older than him. She has a teen daughter but they have no kids together. I wasn't too concerned with him leaving his wife for me or falling for me but the more my friend talks about it, the more concerned I get. He has been with is wife for almost 6 yrs. I don't think he will leave her but now I am not so sure. Do you think it is a chance he will leave her? I don't know what I will say to him if he tells me that he wants to be in a serious relationship with me because I don't want that and I don't want to hurt him or ruin or friendship. Anyone have any advice?
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I am in the same boat... One of my MM fell head over heels for me...knowing I didn't want any commitment... We work for the same department, but different buildings. Anyway... I broke up at one point with him, because he was getting too attached... then after a few weeks...he freaked me out.. he was sooo depressed, he would leave me messages on my recorder, crying.. he was at work crying.. it was insane... At one point, he said he wanted to leave his wife and children and move in with me.... ooohhh my goooood... I had to talk to him... so we eventually started the A again... he has calmed down. He promised not to use the L word anymore with me. I don't know what to tell you... this is odd... I know exactly how you feel.. because I don't want anyone in my life. I am not 'in love' with anyone and I like it like that. What I did to bring him back to his senses, was to talk about his daughter, he is crazy about her... so I told him that she would be devastated if he left ... that children are the most important persons in our life... so we owe them stability, love... etc. and it worked... but I have to say that we are still sleeping together though... LOL In your case, he has no children, so you will have to either try to break up with him, like I did, or give him an ultimatum... no commitment, no 'love' or you're out... I am not sure what else you can do.
Tomcat33 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Yes, for what it's worth I have some advice. I think you should tell the OM what you are thinking/feeling. Honesty wins over every time, even if it is hard to do, you will feel better for doing what's right and for letting him do what's right too. If you lead him on he may just reach a point of no return and you won't be able to forgive yourself for leading him on knowing that you did not feel the same. Just tell him what you told us here, share your concerns and in the best way possible tell him you just don't feel the same things he does. Having said that, I just don't see how you can stay friends knowing that this man is in deeper than just for friends. I think it would be selfish to think you can continue being friends, because while you may be able to make the destinction he clearly cannot and it will only harm him more in the end. Not to mention you can prevent him from making a further mess of his situation. If in the long run he decides he does want to leave his wife at least you can clear your conscience that he didn't do it because of you. Even though you did something wrong it's not too late to make it right. I am not judging you I am simply recaping your thoughts in the hopes that you can see that turning back now is the best you can do for yourself and for him. good luck in whatever you choose to do :-)
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