Arizona100 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I registered on the forum today, after a post as a guest that hasn't showed up yet. That's my story, nothing dramatic or sad, I guess I'd like to share and maybe have a little input on it. I met this person, who divorced his wife a few months ago (Unhappy, he asked for a divorce. I did the same thing, nothing new here.) When we met we got along great right away. He has a "sex buddy" if I may say, he tried to get me into being his next one, last week, I flat out refused and asked him not to contact me anymore if he was to have this attitude with me. Well, to my pleasure I have to admit, his attitude changed. He calls me, wants to spend time with me, enjoy spending time with me (I do too), is respectful, and we planned a Saturday out together on his bike. We had a talk in which I was explaining that if he wasn't ready that was fine but I wasn't about to put out either. Basically waiting for him to be ready was fine but no kiss/sex. Waiting for him to be ready in the sense of "when you are ready, make the call." I have to say that I mean it when I say I don't want to get intimate and I mean it when I say I want him to go have fun and get it out of his system. The last thing I need is to get hurt, I like myself, which include not being someone's rebound. He doesn't want to commit were his words when we met, they still are. I don't want a one night stand are mine and they still are. He flirts with me and it takes me a lot of control not to flirt back, although I did slip a few times. But yes, if i am looking forward to spending the day with him, I do NOT intend on giving in (well, hug is fine, yes?). Thoughts? Thanks
nicki Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 If he has had/has "f#ck buddies" and tells you he doesn't want to commit to you but still hangs out with you, then how is that good? Could he simply be waiting around, trying to weaken your resolve until you sleep with him? Then he'll tell you again that he "doesn't want to commit." It just doesn't sound good to me. You don't know him very well, and what you do know doesn't look too good. I'd cut him loose. Date men who have the same goals/principles you do. I find that good men want to commit to a woman when he finds the right one. Don't you want a guy who wants true intimacy? I think you deserve that, if you want to give that. I've never met a classy guy who has f#ck buddies and tells women he doesn't want to commit. Seems like a player to me. Go out and date lots of guys casually. Have fun until you find a guy that you want to spend all of your time with. Make sure you give your heart and body to someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Makes you feel special. Who wants only you. And don't wait around wasting your time on some guy who isn't wanting to find the same thing.
nicki Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 A hug can lead to a kiss. A kiss to foreplay. Foreplay to sex. A good player guy knows that. You know, it's fine to date a guy who doesn't want to settle down. But be sure he isn't screwing women on the side. That seems awfully disrespectful to you. I know when I got divorced, I dated some losers. I also dated some great guys. And I got to learn the difference between the two. Good luck to you. Go out and have some fun. Please make sure you are treated well, though!
Author Arizona100 Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Thanks for the input guys, and don't worry, I won't end in his bed whining about it on this forum in a couple weeks, not gonna happen. I am going out on Friday night by the way, birthday party, I do have in mind to have fun
Trialbyfire Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Be careful and be particular. Don't settle. I don't know about you but I've learned that I'm attracted to a similar kind of guy. The only problem is that with all their amazing positive traits, one negative trait appears to be selfishness.
justice Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Sorry to say this, I'm divorced too but it sounds as if you are attracted to him but do not wish to be hurt again. My advice? Don't see him again and find someone who your gut instinct tells you that you can be intimate with, without fear of being hurt. This one sounds like a player, someone who will tell you what you want to hear until they get what they want and then hurt you by dumping you to go on to the next victim. Don't play the game. Dump him first and follow your own instincts, they never lie.
jcster Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 his one sounds like a player, someone who will tell you what you want to hear until they get what they want and then hurt you by dumping you to go on to the next victim. Don't play the game. Dump him first and follow your own instincts, they never lie. Absolutely. I'm divorced too, and I've fallen into a similar trap a few times. It's not fun to be played. I've been amazed at what guys will tell you and how long they will play you to get what they want. Go with your gut, it's never wrong.
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