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what are some signs that a person isn't relationship material?

supertouch

By supertouch
in General Relationship Discussion

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Herzen

Herzen

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...Am I missing something or why is it wrong to swallow without asking?

 

I was wondering the same thing myself, lovelace. If anything, that's a relationship plus!

melodymatters Established Member

melodymatters

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1) guys who HATE their mothers, or, love them a bit TOO much.

 

....been on both sides of this one and it's always a sign of bad things to come....

Herzen

Herzen

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Some deal-breakers for me would be:

 

Drug or alcohol abuse

Religious fanaticism

Flexible morals

Someone who doesn't want to get married

Someone who doesn't want kids

Someone with whom I feel no chemistry

 

For me everything else is up for debate- it just depends on how well we get along and how much I like them.

 

A good list. I'm especially in agreement with the drug or alcohol abuse, religious fanaticism and no chemistry.

 

They're all deal breakers.

dbtmarley Established Member

dbtmarley

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:p

...Am I missing something or why is it wrong to swallow without asking?

 

 

You obviously missed number 7 !! Pay attention young lady;):)

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Okay, I'll inject one dealbreaker for me. A selfish man.

Turquoise Waters Established Member

Turquoise Waters

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Basically a guy who acts like someone who is "just not into me" is not relationship material and will cause heartache. That book is great.

bish Established Member

bish

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here are a few signs i should have recognized before getting into a "relationship" with the most heartless "woman" i've encountered.

 

1. got out of a relationship within months of meeting you. in this case, it was a marriage

 

2. still cries (literally) about how she doesn't have a family for her child

 

3. refuses to resolve arguments and problems and expects you to be able to go to sleep mad.

 

4. seeks out acquaintances and flirts with them while you are two are "involved"

 

what are some signs you wish you would have realized?

 

 

- someone that goes bar or nightclub hopping

- someone who constantly says in your precense how hot someone else is

- a woman that has one of those tatoos right above her ass or one that wears a thong (I know..I'll catch hell for that one, but I haven't met one yet that could be trusted.)

- someone who primps for hours to look their best when out with the girls, but doesn't put the same effort into it when out with me.

- I have to definitely agree with #4 on this original post.

- someone who bumps and grinds on the dancefloor

dbtmarley Established Member

dbtmarley

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[quote=bish;1258434 - a woman that has one of those tatoos right above her ass or one that wears a thong (I know..I'll catch hell for that one, but I haven't met one yet that could be trusted.)

 

 

Man you just eliminated 3/4 of the women in the US. The only women I see not wearing thongs are the pregnant ones..lol.

LoveLace Established Member

LoveLace

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ok bish here's some hell for ya...I have a tat on my lower back...doesn't say a lot about me, other than my favorite kind of flower and being a little adventerous...the girls you speak of must have all had this common, but there's a lot of girls without tattoos that'll piss ya off just the same...

 

But I guess it makes sense cuz some people judge all men with tattos as being a rebel or trouble-maker, but we know this isn't true.

oppath Established Member

oppath

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Well, I do am sensitive to the depression issue because I am depressed. However, it's really a deeply personal battle. It's rare that it spills over into my social relationships. Most people who know me well have no idea, and those I've disclosed it to are kind of shocked and say "I can't believe it. for someone who is depressed, you do so well." My current depression doesn't prevent me from enjoying things in the moment and I'm not negative or moody or bringing people down.

 

I've intentionally not gotten involved with some women because of the depression. I'm coming out of it. One of the things that keeps me there of course is feeling I can't possibly get into a relationship while depressed, and that depresses me, because I don't know when it will fully end, and that some people won't date me if they learned I did have a history of depression and anxiety. I had one ex who, when she learned I had at one point been on antidepressants (I no longer was), told me "I want to date someone who is strong, not someone who is weak and needs to go on drugs to solve his problem. It's not attractive." Her ass was shown the door. But it is a sensitive issue for me, because I could meet someone and date them for a couple months and they wouldn't know I was depressed. Seriously. This isn't to say I'm at my best self, but my struggles inside aren't usually expressed in moodiness or anger or isolation unless my boundaries are really violated or I'm feeling dismissed. Then, yes, I'll probably be too intense. It's something I am also working on.

 

So, my list would include

  • considering mental illness as weakness or a character flaw or a liability
  • just exited a LTR
  • keeps regular contact with an ex but can't tell him about her new bf (me)
  • doesn't introduce me to good friends she talks about often if we've been dating a while (my belief is I should be there too 1-in-3 times once we've become bf/gf and as soon as we are exclusive, I should be meeting friends she talks about)
  • has never really left the nest (because I've left over and over again and will continue moving for my career)
  • has a pattern of lining up the next guy before ending old relationships
  • white lies to friends to avoid hurting feelings (because it means she will eventually do it to me too)
  • Judges people different from her before getting to know them
  • fails to disclose information that could lead me to re-evaluate the relationship when it happens

uniqueone Established Member

uniqueone

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considering mental illness as weakness or a character flaw or a liability

 

 

That one's good! While someone might choose not to date someone with a mental illness, it's how they view mental illness that's more important.

uniqueone Established Member

uniqueone

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Some signs someone's not relationship material:

 

  • they make remarks about you that make you feel bad but disguise it as just trying to be helpful or just getting to know you.

  • they are extremely sensitive to even very light teasing.

  • they start out being really into you and then suddenly change. When you ask about the change in their behavior, they make you feel that you're acting insecure by questioning it.

  • you feel like you're their audience most of the time.

  • they make you feel you're not good enough for them.

oppath Established Member

oppath

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That one's good! While someone might choose not to date someone with a mental illness, it's how they view mental illness that's more important.

 

Exactly. I don't fault people for choosing not to date someone with these problems if they are apparent early on, however, how they view mental illness in general is extremely important. 1-in-5 people will have some mental illness at some point in their lives, so that means you, your SO, or your parents or kids. I take issue with someone who believes people with anxiety or depression aren't capable of being in relationships because of their problems or that the relationship would be guaranteed to be problematic because something is wrong with the afflicted person. If the choice is "well, I believe someone needs to be truly happy (of course there isn't such a thing) alone in order to love another, and I'm worried that they won't want or need me once they become happy" cool. If it is "this person has issues and is likely psycho and I don't want to deal with that" booooo!

uniqueone Established Member

uniqueone

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Exactly. I don't fault people for choosing not to date someone with these problems if they are apparent early on, however, how they view mental illness in general is extremely important. 1-in-5 people will have some mental illness at some point in their lives, so that means you, your SO, or your parents or kids. I take issue with someone who believes people with anxiety or depression aren't capable of being in relationships because of their problems or that the relationship would be guaranteed to be problematic because something is wrong with the afflicted person. If the choice is "well, I believe someone needs to be truly happy (of course there isn't such a thing) alone in order to love another, and I'm worried that they won't want or need me once they become happy" cool. If it is "this person has issues and is likely psycho and I don't want to deal with that" booooo!

 

I've dated plenty of divorced men and there have been several occasions where I've heard from them that the reason for the divorce was "she was depressed."

 

Surprisingly, in many cases, these guys turned out to be jerks which always made me say to myself "No WONDER she was so depressed!"

 

I dated a guy once who told me (after we were broken up and I foolishly wanted to be this guys friend), how some years prior he had a job where he worked during the week out of state. He had this ongoing affair with a "blonde" in that other state. I thought back to when he had told me that the reason for his divorce was "my wife was depressed."

 

Gee, I wonder why. Not only that but the guy was emotionally abusive too. However he was a big corporate executive so he knew how to hide that side of him when he had to.

Quinch Established Member

Quinch

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The two biggest deal breakers for me would be politics and religion. I could never love someone who put those things before me.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Surprisingly, in many cases, these guys turned out to be jerks which always made me say to myself "No WONDER she was so depressed!"

 

OMGawd, I burst out laughing at this. :lmao:

Storyrider Established Member

Storyrider

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What are some signs that a person is not relationship material?

 

When he tells you, "I'm not relationship material."

 

You'd think that one is a no brainer, wouldn't you?

oppath Established Member

oppath

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I told a girl "I'm a free spirit who can't be tamed" once. I couldn't keep a straight face. There is a greater context to that story, don't hate.

 

Often when someone says "I'm not relationship material" they mean "I don't like you enough to want a relationship with you." My friend actually tells some girls "sorry, I don't date" if it started as a FWB type situation. Not to cool in my book.

 

  • someone who has gone from relationship to relationship and never spent a period of time being single (and possibly not dating at all). I feel this is a yellow to red flag depending on their actual history, but I feel healthy people have times in their lives when they are single and busy at work, etc, that may delay dating or relationships several months. I want a woman who has traveled and moved and taken ambition in her career, and while it is not necessarily the case, generally to achieve these things you don't go from guy to guy to guy with no time, not even 2 months, in between boyfriends.

bish Established Member

bish

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Man you just eliminated 3/4 of the women in the US.

 

Which tells me good ones are hard to find.

shadowplay Established Member

shadowplay

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Ok, I'll include every sign I've ever missed that a guy wasn't relationship material and regretted later:

 

1) Inexperienced

 

2) Asexual

 

3) Has no boundaries or tact. Makes insulting comments or rude remarks, even if unintentionally.

 

4) Into anything kinky or has weird fetishes = always bad, believe me

 

5) Occasionally fantasizes about men. Doesn't matter if they insist they're not gay. They always are.

 

6) Wants the girl to initiate everything

 

7) Talks about random things in the middle of sex.

 

8) Bad sense of humor

 

9) Not ambitious

 

10) Less intelligent

 

11) Flakey. Doesn't return your phonecalls/messages

 

12) You had to ask him out.

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