chryssy83 Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Hey all, So my boyfriend and I have been together for several years, but most of it was long distance. There have been some rough patches, which he generally attributes to the distance. One such patch was this December/January, and we were broken up during that time. I always knew we had both dated during that time apart. After a while, he ended up asking to see me, we met and he asked if we could get back together. We did, and he's been very wonderful/attentive since then. Now I'm moving in August and we'll be only an hour apart now, which is better. He says this will take care of everything. This week I'm staying with him, and I find this letter from an ex. It's clear that he either had a really strong connection with this girl, or at least she thought they did. The letter is from this spring, and it's all about how she thinks they belong together/should get back together. It refers to "the last 5 months," so of course I assumed he was cheating. He now says she was his girlfriend while we were broken up, but that he broke up with her before he asked me to get back with him because he "knew what he wanted"--to be with me. He said she didn't really get the point, and kept finding him at coffee shops and things, where they would have a cup and talk sometimes over the last few months. I told him I thought that was cheating, and he said that he didn't know how to get rid of her. Obviously, I know how to get rid of people, and so does he. You make it clear that you're finished. He said he thinks she gets it now, and they don't talk anymore. Since her letter was all about marrying him and what their kids would be like, it's hard to imagine she's let it go...but maybe she's as quick to move on as she is to fall. Question is--is it possible to get past this? I feel now like if he could have this "fairy tale" connection with someone else, then maybe he should go find someone else. I haven't wanted anyone but him since we met. Isn't that how things should be? He doesn't want to talk about it anymore, and says that after I get moved and settled we should go to counseling if this is a big trust issue for me because he wants to do anything to make things work. I just have a hard time not bringing it up because now I have these stupid doubts. I'm sorry this is so long--but does anyone have any thoughts? I can't get it out of my head. Chrys
Arizona100 Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 That's for you to decide, but from what you said, he made the first move to get back with you (and not with her) and I find it positive. Counseling? Why not, I find it a good idea. You say he doesn't want to talk about it, that might be the opportunity for you to hear what he has to say. Without him feeling like he's getting nagged about it that is. Personally I would stop talking to him about her, you don't want the ghost of this girl in your relationship, that's my advice (unless you're in a counseling cession). Yes, it's possible to get past this, totally, but that's your couple, not mine, only you know how you feel and what you can forgive, or not.
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