Feeling down

[Quinch]

I'm feeling bloody lonely right now. My best friend is in another serious relationship and they're still at that awful 'luvvy huggy bunny' stage Anyway, I haven't had a proper relationship in a while (I've been on a few dates but nothing worked out) and when I see people like that it just reminds me how lonley I am. To make it worse I don't think I'm going to be ready for a relationship until I've got a better paid job, paid off my debts and sorted my life out a bit which, by my calculations, is going to take at least another year. I don't want to make trouble for my friend, even though I have spoken to her about it and she's very understanding and supportive , but I just wish I could be half as happy as she is.

 

Any advice how to get through this?

[JeanQueen]

I don't have much good advice to get you through this as I am in the same situation.

 

The only thing that's keeping me holding on right now is the fact that I'm going back to school in a little over a month and will hopefully make some new friends there and maybe even meet some nice men

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I'm feeling bloody lonely right now. My best friend is in another serious relationship and they're still at that awful 'luvvy huggy bunny' stage Anyway, I haven't had a proper relationship in a while (I've been on a few dates but nothing worked out) and when I see people like that it just reminds me how lonley I am. To make it worse I don't think I'm going to be ready for a relationship until I've got a better paid job, paid off my debts and sorted my life out a bit which, by my calculations, is going to take at least another year. I don't want to make trouble for my friend, even though I have spoken to her about it and she's very understanding and supportive , but I just wish I could be half as happy as she is.

 

Any advice how to get through this?

 

I personally don't like hanging out with people who are overly exhibitive of their "luvvy huggy bunny" feelings. I feel happy for them and all, but I just don't think I need to see their private banter / actions right under my nose.

And I am this way even if I'm in a relationship myself, so being happy has nothing to do with it, for me.

 

I'd just stay away until she decides to tone it down a bit, or until they pass that stage.

[lonelybird]

I remember there are verses about Jesus is the life giving water, when I felt vulnerable and upset, then I asked "Lord, how can we drink this life-giving water and never thirsty? now I am thirsty, how can this be?" then this morning Lord answered me, and this made me incredibly peaceful.

 

John 4:14 but those who drink the water that I will give them will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give them will become in them a spring which will provide them with life-giving water and give them eternal life."

 

What is true happiness? lots of money, man, woman, power? People tend to find happiness or love source in all outside elements instead of inside. Are these things familar to you?

 

If I get that man/woman, I will be happy; If he JUST loves me, I will be happy!

 

If I become a millionair, I will be happy

 

If I can let him divoice his wife, I will be happy

 

If I get that fabulous new car, I will be happy

 

If I increase my ability of controling outside environment, so I can get what I want, I will be happy

....

If we cannot get these things, we feel incredibly frustrated. But usually when we really get these things, the genuin happiness doesn't come, or cannot last long. The problems is twin of life, as long as we live here, the problems never stop. We find we begin to chase new goals, for some people new man/woman, we are busy and mad to chase new wind or we cannot feel we are alive.

 

Then I remember a story about a man who are very famous, who has every thing other people in this earth want, but he didn't feel happy, he did drugs, did mad parties, nothing made him trully happy. One day he got caught and was put into prison, the most amazing thing is "he found freedom in that cell, but before he was caught he felt like prison!" In prison he knew about God, he began to learn that true happiness inside of him. in prison outside elements that entertained him were all cut off, but he found true happiness in his heart!

 

True happiness doesn't rely on outside circumstances; if we do, then we expose ourselves on frustrations. True happiness comes from within, that God provide that peace and genuin happiness. whenever our heart connect with God, that peace and happiness come magically.

 

when we feel vulnerable, then probably we didn't rely on God on that paticular matter, instead we try to find comfort outside. We hope other people can fill that love bottle FOR us; we hope other people do just what we hope them to do; we hope we can get self-seek love (what others can give us). And all these things set us into a mindset of vulnerability. Our wounds were caused by outside elements and people.

 

Bible says "true love can cast out fear". It is a kind of love that seek to GIVE to others. when we give, what do we fear? nothing; but self-seek love bring fear (I know it). But how can we get the give-love in the first place? connect to God, HE will provide

 

Other serving mindset, humble, will bring peace, rejoice, non-loneliness.

 

Change the direction of your attention: from "toward self" to "toward others, help others" will make you happy.

 

Seek kingdom first, then other things would be added to you:)

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Lonelybird, I understand you're trying to help here, and it's appreciated.

 

But citing Biblical verses is really not going to provide a lot of help to Quinch. I think you give good advice - and you can do that without resorting to the Bible.

 

Think of it this way: If I fed you nothing but spinach, at every single meal, in different forms, would you like it? I'd feed you spinach waffles, spinach sandwiches, spinach casserole, and spinach ice-cream. Even though spinach is good for you, you'd be tired of the overdose.

 

Same thing with citing the Bible in every single post.

 

Just say what YOU feel. It's fine if your beliefs arise from the Bible, just leave the actual citations out. You'll see that it goes down with people much better.

 

Just a suggestion.

[lonelybird]

Just a suggestion.

Are you LS police?

Please dismiss

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Are you LS police?

Please dismiss

 

No, I'm not policing. I didn't mean to come across as condescending or regulating, at all. Please don't take this in the offensive.

 

I was merely giving a suggestion. It's upto you to implement it or not.

[mishy]

If I become a millionaire, I will be happy

 

oh come on! It's certainly going to help!:D:D

[mishy]

Lonelybird, I understand you're trying to help here, and it's appreciated.

 

But citing Biblical verses is really not going to provide a lot of help to Quinch. I think you give good advice - and you can do that without resorting to the Bible.

 

Think of it this way: If I fed you nothing but spinach, at every single meal, in different forms, would you like it? I'd feed you spinach waffles, spinach sandwiches, spinach casserole, and spinach ice-cream. Even though spinach is good for you, you'd be tired of the overdose.

 

Same thing with citing the Bible in every single post.

 

Just say what YOU feel. It's fine if your beliefs arise from the Bible, just leave the actual citations out. You'll see that it goes down with people much better.

 

Just a suggestion.

 

I have to say that I agree. Its really really hard to stomach....all... that.....spinach......

 

It just doesn't sound like it is coming from your heart when you "preach" like that. And thats what it sounds like - "preaching". Quinch is probably going WTF??? when really she just wants some honest advice spoken in everyday conversational language.

and by the way ... being a millionaire would make me very very happy:laugh:

SO THERE!:p

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Hmmm.

 

So what about poor Quinch? How will he handle these agonizing episodes of PDA?

 

Other than not hanging out with them, all you can do is sit there blindfolded, Quinch.

 

You'd still hear them, though.

[underpants]

I'm feeling bloody lonely right now. My best friend is in another serious relationship and they're still at that awful 'luvvy huggy bunny' stage Anyway, I haven't had a proper relationship in a while (I've been on a few dates but nothing worked out) and when I see people like that it just reminds me how lonley I am. To make it worse I don't think I'm going to be ready for a relationship until I've got a better paid job, paid off my debts and sorted my life out a bit which, by my calculations, is going to take at least another year. I don't want to make trouble for my friend, even though I have spoken to her about it and she's very understanding and supportive , but I just wish I could be half as happy as she is.

 

Any advice how to get through this?

 

 

Well, I'll be your personal Jesus......

 

Just a little religious joke.

 

Quinch,

 

I am in the same boat on the other side of the pond. It sucks, you are alone, but not alone as alot of us are still searching. I don't think you need to have the attitude that you can't do anything for a year because of this or that. As hard as it may be to see happy couples and feel a pang of jealously you should be happy for your friend. It will happen for you. You are too quick witted and cute to stay on the market for too long.

 

Since religious beliefs have crept their way into your thread I will say that I am a big believer in unselfish wishes made to the universe. When the moon is right (couple of weeks) I will make a wish that a wonderful romantic relationship with a compatible lady comes your way. Don't worry, I won't scratch your name on a lemon.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Well, I'll be your personal Jesus......

 

And I can be his priest. I'll be the medium between you two, then. And I'll do it for a very modest fee, too.

[lonelybird]

How do you know that post not from my heart? This post came out because I had those moments too, feel lonely, hopeless, and at the edge of suicide, but it was real that Lord helped me to see these things in that post, and after that, my life changed much.

 

I just offered my opinions, maybe not help, maybe help, but could not help to try, didn't think so much judgement come out.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

How do you know that post not from my heart? This post came out because I had those moments too, feel lonely, hopeless, but it was real that Lord helped me to see these things in that post, and after that, my life changed much.

 

I just offered my opinions, maybe not help, maybe help, but could not help to try, didn't think so much judgement come out.

 

That is fine, Lonelybird. Don't get too upset.

[lonelybird]

That is fine, Lonelybird. Don't get too upset.

I am not that easily upset if you know me for a while

[kimba]

I don't think I'm going to be ready for a relationship until I've got a better paid job, paid off my debts and sorted my life out a bit which, by my calculations, is going to take at least another year.

 

if we all waited til then, none of us would have relationships, no one would be reproducing, and the world would end.

 

I didn't know you were a guy. Are you a guy? or have i got it wrong. Just that, if you are, and you're straight, do you like your friend???

[kimba]

I just went to your profile to confirm yes you are indeed a guy.

 

Now that that's settled , OMG you have an identical cat to mine! except mine has black on her nose where yours is brown. Torties are special.

 

Back to the thread. HMMMM. Look the honeymoon won't last. Remember that her happiness has nothing to do with your happiness. If she was going through a terrible terrible time (if you want to know what that is refer to my threads), would you be thinking that your life is actually ok??

Actually thats a good idea, then you'll think your life is fan bloody tastic.

 

You will have your day in the sun.

 

Look i just think that this is temporary. I'd be avoiding anyone who is making you unhappy or inferior though for the moment.

 

Maybe break your life into compartments and try and fix one thing at a time. For example, I have to organise my whole house, so i'm going to approach it room by room.

 

You need to approach your life "room by room"

 

So look at each thing separately, or its too overwhelming.

[katiebour]

I'm feeling bloody lonely right now. My best friend is in another serious relationship and they're still at that awful 'luvvy huggy bunny' stage Anyway, I haven't had a proper relationship in a while (I've been on a few dates but nothing worked out) and when I see people like that it just reminds me how lonley I am. To make it worse I don't think I'm going to be ready for a relationship until I've got a better paid job, paid off my debts and sorted my life out a bit which, by my calculations, is going to take at least another year. I don't want to make trouble for my friend, even though I have spoken to her about it and she's very understanding and supportive , but I just wish I could be half as happy as she is.

 

Any advice how to get through this?

 

Heya Quinch-

 

Going out with people who are hooked up, when you yourself are not, can definitely make you feel really lonely. The solution to this is to bring someone along that you can focus on, and who can focus on you, so that you're not constantly watching the lovebirds. It doesn't have to be a girlfriend, or a date- if you have some other best friends drag them along as your "date."

 

Don't be a 3rd wheel- bring along someone else to make it 4 wheels and 2 pairs.

 

I'm not all that up-and-up with UK geography, but I found an East Midlands craigslist site here:

 

http://eastmids.craigslist.org/

 

you might find someone there or on another of the UK sites who would accompany you on a platonic basis just for something to do. You might try MySpace as well or any other websites that you know of.

 

If there were people locally who would take me out just for the company I would go in a heartbeat- go find a buddy

[Tyra]

My only advice is, yeah you may want a man and this and that, but the right one will come. Don't go out looking for a man. Cause anyone can have a man, you just have to make sure that it's the right man. Just keep on doing what you have to do.Paying your debts and stuff,then later, you'll find one. But don't get jealous of your friend and her relationship.And please don't do something crazy and sleep with him.

[Quinch]

Thanks for all the advice everyone (even you Lonelybird ) I'm feeling a little better about things today.

 

Yes, I'm a guy and my friend is a girl. We're just that - good friends. Like I said, she knows how I feel and is considerate enough to tone it down if I ask her.

 

Kimba, sorry to say my poor kitty died last year. I put her picture on my profile because of another thread a few months ago. Yes, she was adorable and I miss her loads.

 

I know I'll meet someone one day and when I do you'll all be sick of me for being the happiest mother****er on the planet