heartbroken444 Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Dear fellow loveshack.orgers, I started dating a girl when i was 18. I was a senior in high school and living the high life. She was a freshman and only 16 at the time. I am the first guy she has really ever dated. She is very beautiful ...now a college girl in ohio and growing up to be very motivated and gorgeous. We have now dated for seven years, and she tells me she wants "her space." These have been the best 7 years of my life, no matter what happens. I ask her why she needs "her space" and she gives me these reasons. Similar to other posts, she tells me she needs to find herself, and that she loves me, but she isnt sure shes in love with me. This wouldnt be our first breakup, but it feels like its our most serious one. Our whole relationship i now see that i have been suffocating her with certain things, and at times i could have been a better boyfriend to her. Every relationship has problems though. She just turned 21 and has a new self-confidence in herself. She also has some tough underlying issues. She has never expierianced heartbreak in her life. There was a time when she went to Ohio State that she was far away from me and i would go down to see her when i could, but the more i started to be around other people, and other girls ...i wondered what it would be like to be with someone else. Im sure that is going through her head right now. Anyways, when she was at college i found another girl that i was always seeming to hang around when she was gone. I didnt cheat on her, as i knew that i wouldnt want that done to me. But, i found myself falling for someone else. I told my girlfriend the truth, she took it hard, and decided to come back home and transfer to another school. I eventually broke it off with the other girl, knowing that i couldnt do that to my girlfriend. After 7 years we have grown very comfortable with each other ... everyone would always tease us that we were going to get married. The reason i never asked her is because i felt we both werent ready for it. I didnt have a good job, and she was still finishing school. I took her for granted at times, being so comfortable and all ... i just thought wed be togather forever. I understand that she might feel like she needs to be with someone else, just to see what else is out there. I also understand that she is going into her senior year of college and she has her whole life ahead of her, she wants to live each day to the fullest. Her parents are currently going through a bad divorce. It seems as if her mother has hit menopause very badly. She started noticing other men and hanging out at bars a lot. She ended up cheating on her husbund (my girlfriends father) even though she says she didnt, we all know she did. The reason her mom tells her shes getting the divorce is because her mom feels as if she didnt have any "fun" in her life when she was younger so she wants to go out and do that now before its too late. My girlfriend just went out with her mother and her new boyfriend the other day and her mom told her that she feels like shes "in love" for the first time in her life. Not good news for me. All of her friends are out having fun ...drinking, picking up random guys, out doing what college girls do i suppose. None of them have ever really settled down in her life. So on that hand, she probably is thinking that she wants to have fun in her life before its too late. A few weeks back we went to Las Vegas for her 21st. Before Vegas, she told me she wanted to take a break. I took it hard, asking her why she needs a break? Was there someone else? What was wrong? She told me there was no one else, she just needed time for herself. I told her i didnt want a break. Ever since that point, our relationship has been downhill. She hasnt been happy, and God knows that i would do anything for that girl. A few weeks later she breaks up with me I took it reaaly hard at first ...asking why ...i told her we needed to talk in person. She told me to come over her house and we could talk so i did. I begged her not to go, telling her how much i love her and want her in my life. She agrees to stay with me on the condition that we take it slow and live each day like its our last. I agreed and we had a fantastic weekend togather ...we found ourselves planning trips togather ...a mini-vacation if u will, we went and got some ice cream, rented a movie, and cuddled all night. When it was time for me to leave i asked her if i could just sleep over. She told me that she didnt really want to be "sexual" with me at the moment and that she had a lot of stuff to do the next day ...I took the hint and said that it was fine and i had a lot of tension built up, i needed to let some of it go. As I was walking out of her room she told me that she didnt want to have sex, but she would do "other stuff" to help me relieve my stress ...I, of course agreed and i slept over and held her in my arms all night. The next day was another good day. We went grocery shopping togather and had a good time. She was to go out with her mother later, and i wanted to go out with my friends. I went out with my friends, but her mom ended up bailing on her. She calls me and tells me and i invite her out to come hang out with me and my best friend. She said she just needs some time to relax and she wants to go to bed early. i said okay and that was that. I got a little tipsy with my friend, went home and called her. I told her that if she really feels like she needs to leave me then go, that i want her to just be happy and i dont want to hold her back in life. She told me that thats what she wanted. So she needs "her space". Well the next day i took it pretty hard, feeling depressed and a lot of anxiety. I mean, Ive been talking to this girl, my best friend, my girlfriend for the last 7 years of my life, and one day she just wants me to stop?? I couldnt do it. I called her crying Monday and Tuesday, the next two days. After talking to various people who were close to me, they told me not to call her, to just give her a couple of weeks to figure things out and if she loves you, shell be back. They tell me that shes confused, that she has a lot going on in her life right now. I took their advice, but didnt follow it. The next day, Wednesday, I decided to go see her grandma, as her family was very close to me and they all think im a great guy. Her grandma used to deal with pshyc patients in a hospital so i figured she could probably help me on this. As hard as i tried to focus our conversation on me and my girlfriends relationship, she focuses it more on me. Telling me that i need to have more self-confidence and that would help me change the things in life that i feel were dragging me down. I came out of her house feeling really good about myself, i think the elderly have that effect on young people. So i went home and immediatly called my girlfriend. We talked about how i understood her problems, and i understood mine and that i wanted to change things for her, and most of all, i wanted the space too, to get my life started. She told me it was a really good conversation we were having. I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk with me, she told me that she wasnt ready for it, but eventually she would. I told her okay and that id call her next week and she said okay. The next day i was back to my old self. My girlfriend and i work a part time job togather at a local insurance company. Her aunt is my boss. I noticed the next day that my girlfriend wasnt at work, so i asked her aunt if everything was okay. She told me that my girlfriend wasnt feeling well and that it was nothing. When i got home i texted her and asked her if she was okay, she got back to me and said she was feeling a lot better, thanks for asking. I went on AIM and saw that she was going out with her friends that night, so i got kind of down on myself wishing she was going out with me. I Instant Messaged her telling her that i was glad she was alright, she didnt respond ...i started to lose my train of thought and couldnt help thinking about how much i miss her and wanted to be with her. My sister asked me if i wanted to go get a drink with her and her friends seeing me down in the dumps. I said sure. We get to the bar, start walking in the door, and my girlfriend (ex) and her best friend pull into the parking lot ... they must have seen me because they didnt bother coming in for a drink. The next day i saw her at work. I apologized to her for intruding on her at the bar ...she apologized back and said she didnt mean to leave so rudely. i told her that i understood, asked her where she went, and asked her if she had a good time. She told me she did, and i was happy for her. I saw her again later on in the day at work. I then asked her why she couldnt be exclusive to me ...why we couldnt be togather and her still look for other people, or go out and have fun. She told me she didnt want that. I asked her why she was going to the bar ...was she looking for other men?? She told me no, that she just wanted to be with her friends. The next day, Saturday, I didnt talk to her at all ...i felt like poop all day. But i wanted to finally learn to give her some time and she will come back if she loved me right? Here comes Sunday, bloody sunday. Im sitting at home, thinking of the good times in our relationship when i decide to give her a call. The whole week prior i was having a nervous breakdown ...couldnt eat, sleep, or even the things i did to relieve stress. So i decided we needed to talk ... I call her with a private number, thinking its a bad idea at first, when she answered i was going to hang up the phone ...at least i could hear her sweet voice though. She answers. I couldnt resist her. I told her that we needed to have our walk ...i had some important things to tell her. She told me "okay, i have some important things to tell u too." I said "you want to tell me to move on with my life dont u?" She said yes. We talked all night ...i asked her if she was ever going to give me another chance. she told me she didnt know. She was telling me how she wasnt really digging the single life. Guys were all out to get her drunk and sleep with her ...she said she hated it. She said she doesnt want to think about the future, she just wants to live each day to the fullest. She told me that she wants to feel the way about someone, the way that i feel about her. I told her that love just doesnt happen when you turn a certain age and drink a beer. I told her that throughout our whole relationship i never really thought i was in love with her. I told her that i loved her, and cared about her, but i dont think i was every really in love with her until the day she broke up with me. She asked why her, why was i in love with her?. I told her for all the same reasons i started dating her ...shes an amazing person, so motivated, so beautiful, so smart and cunning. I told her that i love everything about her ...Im attracted to her ...not just sexually, but her personality, her good looks ...everything about her. She told me shed go for a walk and that was that. My question to you good folk at loveshack.org is HOW DO I GET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE BACK??
Author heartbroken444 Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 One letter she wrote to me back in 2004: I'm sitting here at school thinking about you. You're all i thought about all day. You know why that is? Because you are sooo amazing as a person, and as a boyfriend, and i wish you could see that, but that is my fault because i want to show you how great, gorgeous, funny, sexy you are, but i dont show you that through my actions. So I understand what you are saying. I feel great when im with you because you give ME everything you have to show me that, so thank you. But I need to show you how I really feel or you're going to get up and walk out of my life, and I cant lose you, because i can't imagine you NOT in my life. You have made such a great impact in my life that no one could repeat. You showed me I can fall in love, because i fell in love with you, and i still am. You taught me to be confident with myself, even when inside i feel like hiding, and that is such an amazing gift someone could give anyone. If i dont change, and i continue to make you feel bad, even when i love you more than anything, then i could be messing with fate, and i could lose the person I might be destined to grow old with. Also, the whole thing with falling in love in high school scares me, because high school is at the beginning of my life, and things are going to change in my life, and im scared to have to leave you after having some of the best years ever. But i need to stop and just let it all out because you definatley dont deserve being treated this way. I want the same feelings we used to have when we first started going out, and i know you want that too, so lets try and get those feelings back. I will give you everything i have and more, i will stop taking things out on you, and you will be my escape, because i do need someone to be, lets forget about all the bad stuff that has happened lately, and just start out on a clean slate, please dont give up on me, i would give anything to be with you, and stay with you! I Love YOU soo much! And thank you for being that one person i feel complete with! Signed with love
quankanne Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I think that as much as you care for this girl, it sounds like you're obsessed with something that's mired in the past, while she's undergoing the maturation process. Not that you're immature or anything, just at a way different level in the relationship than where she's at. hate to let you down, but you can't "win" someone back if they're not willing to be part of a relationship. Mind you, this could change after she's taken a breather, but that should be the least of your worries – you talk about being depressed or down whenever the two of you are apart, that you cannot adjust to the idea of not being a couple any longer ... you might have an unhealthy attachment to this relationship that's not letting you grow emotionally.
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