luvmy2ns Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 ...and just because he says he'll never do it again, don't believe him for a second. If he cares so little about you to have done it in the first place... That's the part I didn't see in the beginning with my ex, and the more I saw and the longer I put up with his crap hoping he'll change, the more I realized that the man just can't love anyone but himself.
Mary3 Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 OMG! Except for the age (my ex is currently 37), your BF sounds EXACTLY like my ex! I caught him doing the internet dating site thing, talking to girls and stuff. Now, I'm no prude. I would have no problem with viewing porn or whatever, but talking to REAL people? NO F'ING WAY! I'M the real girl you're supposed to be talking to - especially in THAT way. I confronted him immediately, and he was all contrite and said he was just "messing around" and never planned to meet any of these women. Well, I wasted five years of my life with the sneaky, cheating POS before I finally decided he was never going to change and was never going to give me the respect I deserved. Out the door, MF! I would strongly suggest installing an invisible spy program on your computer. There's a great one called WebPI on download.com. It's free for the first month, and only $25 if you want to keep it. It takes a snapshot of the entire screen every 5, 10, or 15 seconds - however you set it. It begins upon startup so even if he restarts the computer, it begins to work immediately - on the sly. There's no indication of it anywhere in the computer, but you know how to find the snapshots and view them - AND you need a password to do so. Watch the liar for awhile. He may be good for a bit, but do not be fooled. He'll most likely do it again. And make him get a job - set a deadline. He has no right to be picky. Money has got to come in. He can look for a better job while he's working. It's not your job to feed him while he has cyber sex with young women on the net. Sorry to be so blunt. But "been there, done that." Good luck hon. Beautifully spoken !
Author chasinghappiness Posted July 23, 2007 Author Posted July 23, 2007 Yes...you two are making good points. I do believe in second chances...but, I'll just have to play this one out carefully, because I don't want to degrade myself by putting up with such behavior. I'll keep you updated...
Author chasinghappiness Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 Well, I talked to him....and he acted surprised that what he did bothered me. He said that he was just bored and was just entertaining himself and that since it upset me so much...he would get rid of that account and never do that again. He said the reason he did not feel that it was wrong was that these people didn't even know who he was or where he lived...and that he knew he would never actually see them. I want so badly to believe him, but I told him that I didn't trust him. He said that he would do whatever it took to win my trust back and that he was deeply sorry that he hurt me so much. I guess he's in that very very small percentile (along with Touche) that doesn't see a problem with this. (please don't take offense to that Touche...just using that as an example... To each his own, right? I told him that it wasn't just the chatting that had bothered me...but, that I felt I was being lied to....Again...we did not see eye to eye on this...and I told him that in order for me to give him another chance, we would need to go see a counselor of some sort. He agreed to go and said he was willing to do whatever was needed to make me happy and never intended to hurt me so deeply. I am still keeping my guard up (and will for a while)....but, like I have said before...I do believe in second chances and if he's willing to go talk to someone with me to work through our issues...I am willing to give him another chance. I know that some of you out there may be rolling your eyes and yelling at the computer,"NO, CHASINGHAPPINESS...RUN...RUN FAR AWAY...HURRY!" hehee....that has me giggling just thinking about someone yelling at their computer screens... And...although you may be right to tell me that....I'll just have to figure this one out on my own I guess. Now...don't gasp when I tell you this, but...I told him mom about this whole ordeal...(we are very close) She is so amazing and always looks out for me and is constantly telling my boyfriend (her only son) to treat me like a princess and appreciate me 200%. She was so upset with him and told me that she would do whatever she could to help me out and would try to think of some way to deal with this issue with her son. It was nice being able to talk to someone in person about how I was feeling. Sooo...anyway...I'm going to see how everything goes. Like I've said before...other than this issue (which hopefully is over..please, please) He truly is a wonderful man. So, here we go...please don't judge me by giving him another chance...I have to follow my heart on this one and I may be entirely wrong...but, I learn from my mistakes....Thanks to EVERYONE!
luvmy2ns Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 I am SO not rolling my eyes and yelling at my computer right now. But do be careful. He is saying exactly what my ex said. Wait a couple months, then install that keylogger I told you about. Watch him.
Author chasinghappiness Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 Alright...good advice. I will be careful and install one of those keyloggers. He is really good with computers...will he be able to see that it's on there?
jcster Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 I think he was entirely to blase about it. Even, on the off chance, that he really didn't think it was wrong, he should at least have been embarrassed. Keep an eye on him - I smell a rat. Good Luck!
luvmy2ns Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Alright...good advice. I will be careful and install one of those keyloggers. He is really good with computers...will he be able to see that it's on there? Not if you use WebPI. It will put an icon on your desktop, but just delete the icon. When the computer starts up, it will begin all by itself and will run in the background, completely unseen. Again, you have to have a password, which you will create, to look at the webshots. Just make sure you have plenty of time alone when you go to download and set it up, depending on your internet speed. When you want to view the webshots, just do a search for a program called ws.exe. You open that, then it will ask for the password you created. Put in the password, and then the control panel for WebPI will open up. You can then look at everything that has been done on that computer. EVERYTHING. You will see every screen that he saw. E-mails; IM's; websites... everything. Just delete them after you've viewed them so you don't bog your computer down with unnecessary megabytes.
stillafool Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I don't know about this guy. You said he likes younger women (that will not change) ou just didn't know how young until now, the girl said he was talking dirty to her and got her phone number. Perhaps he's too smart to keep those numbers in his phone. I too think his response was too blase. I hope it works out for you but a 41 year old leopard doesn't change his spots.
Author chasinghappiness Posted July 26, 2007 Author Posted July 26, 2007 Yes, I appreciate your advice as well, stillafool.....and, I am planning on installing a keylogger that I found to watch him for a while....It seems like a horrible existence to have to do something like this, but he is important to me and I need to be sure. If he does anything like this again, I will know and will not be fooled into forgiving him a second time. I am giving him this one chance and I hope that I am important enough to him that he does in fact stick to his word. OH...BIG NEWS, BY THE WAY....HE GOT OFFERED AN AMAZING JOB TODAY AND STARTS NEXT WEEK!!! It's such a huge weight lifted off of our shoulders and will hopefully help things. Although...like I said before...boredom was no excuse for what he did....
AriaIncognito Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 My ex used to be online all hours of the night chatting with other girls. One time I saw on his phone that he was talking to someone until 5 or 6 AM after LEAVING MY HOUSE at 3AM. BEWARE of this guy. I've dated this guy. All it does it make you paranoid and worried and always watching him and a relationship shouldn't be like that. I'm scared sh*tless that this guy has ruined me for other relationships. Time will tell on that one, as I've not found a new man just yet. Good luck to you....
Mary3 Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I feel your guy is only *sorry* he got caught..... I think he needed an ego boost from those women on the internet and now that he has something to occupy his time ( a job ) he has just proven he is still a rat ,....just a * busy * one and this is likely to happen again for many reasons. ... I know you will give him every chance but please keep your eyes open. Can you imagine if he had met her ? ( and you never knew anything about it.. ) Guys make mistakes but this kind of Internet stuff is rampant.... He might just use a computer at work, the library , internet cafe . If a man wants to play around ( if its 2 months from now even ) he is going to play around. No amount of begging or ultimatums will change unless he realizes he's a fool and should never have done it in the first place....and I know he said that to you. Now keep an eye on him !
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