oppath Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Do girls have a similar "bros before hoes" code as guys? I already know the answer to this, but bear with me through my immaturity . A friend from work had her birthday party last weekend; I went and sat down next to her friend, who was single and attractive and who I found quite interesting. After dinner at the bar, this friend and I went to buy more drinks, and she informed me "birthday girl thinks you are cute. she called dibs on you." I replied "really? I didn't know she was interested. I though her and this other guy at the party might have a thing." "No, she called dibs on you." I wanted to say "I'm quite surprised at that. Actually, I think you are really cute and am interested in you" but before I could, birthday girl walked up. I wouldn't say I flirted with birthday girl the rest of the night, well, maybe I did. Crap. I don't know. I was drinking, and she was giving me attention at that point, and I tried to flirt with the other girls and not give too much attention, but yeah, birthday girl is interested in me. Would it be inappropriate for me to ask out the girl I was interested in? Or does that make me a douche? The way I see it, I kind of missed my chance. Had I said "actually, I'm quite taken with you, you don't have some girl code against that, do you?" the ball would be in her court. Now, after the fact, I would just feel creepy. What does girl code dictate? And more importantly, next time I am in this situation, how can I try moving around the barrier rather than just back down? I think I'm pissed that I backed down.
jcster Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 My friend and I call it "chicks before dicks." And yes, it's a real thing. Dibs however, only last for the duration of the event you are attending. If she hasn't scooped you up by then, it's open season.
Author oppath Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 I'd agree jcster, except I already know the one girl, not well, but see her a couple times a week. I guess I'd view "dibs" as meaning "who is that guy? I don't know, but I've got dibs" as opposed to "this hot guy from work I like is coming and I've got dibs." There is a bit of a difference. I'm going to try to start a conversation with the one I was interested in and just say "I sat next to you because I called dibs on you" or something similarly cheesey. It doesn't matter. What matters is not going after the one I don't want, because I'd lose my integrity and dignity.
jcster Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 There's no reason to not ask out the girl that you like. Dibs is not legally binding! Good luck.
VirtualInsanity Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Yes this exsists & it's childish. I think when people do this their insecure. If they like the guy go talk to him. Don't do a "I call dibs." Simply stupid & immature.
Trialbyfire Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Yup, dibs is not binding. One of my oldest g/fs was highly competitive this way. If a guy showed interest in me, she would pursue. If I said a guy was attractive, she would pursue. It was pretty funny to watch. Overall, we ended up with a great working relationship where I would rely on her to weed out the guys who would go for her available, breeding female sign. Most of the guys that would return her interest ended up to be meet and greet, gotta' run to another appointment style men. Of course she's since matured out of this envy phase and settled down with a nice guy. To this day she still denies it but I like to tease her about it by asking her how so and so are...
Author oppath Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 Well, I emailed the target asking her to come to my improv show tonight and she might come. I agree, dibs is stupid. No-one else's code should determine MY life. It's time to stop being a pussy. There is a difference between being a creep and expressing interest. I can express interest, and if the girl thinks it would be inappropriate given her friend's interest, it can be left at that. I'm not going to keep it up or then go for the girl who likes me.
jcster Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 No-one else's code should determine MY life. It's time to stop being a pussy. There is a difference between being a creep and expressing interest. I can express interest, and if the girl thinks it would be inappropriate given her friend's interest, it can be left at that. I'm not going to keep it up or then go for the girl who likes me. Absolutely! Good for you! Dibs is just a game, hence it's stupidity, but the "chicks before dicks" code has been a great thing for my friend and I. That means not letting a man come between us and our friendship, and it's paid off many times already.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 If a guy showed interest in me, she would pursue. If I said a guy was attractive, she would pursue. It was pretty funny to watch. OMG! I have an aquaintence, not even a friend, who did this to EVERYONE!!! She bounced around from guy to guy, but only the guys who happened to be getting attention from another woman! A group of us actually played a game with this to test it. It was hysterical. We picked an unattractive guy with no personality and all talked about how great he was, one girl pretending to be specifically interested, and SHE had a date with him the next night. It was quite fun! In these cases its about competing with other women, and not about the man at all! Actually though, while friends may have a code, it's not a woman thing at all. I have a guy friend who says always says, women have no code! I think the majority of the time that's true!
Trialbyfire Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 OMG! I have an aquaintence, not even a friend, who did this to EVERYONE!!! She bounced around from guy to guy, but only the guys who happened to be getting attention from another woman! A group of us actually played a game with this to test it. It was hysterical. We picked an unattractive guy with no personality and all talked about how great he was, one girl pretending to be specifically interested, and SHE had a date with him the next night. It was quite fun! In these cases its about competing with other women, and not about the man at all! Actually though, while friends may have a code, it's not a woman thing at all. I have a guy friend who says always says, women have no code! I think the majority of the time that's true! Ahahahahahaha.... You ladies are terrible. I fully agree with this. Ego over real interest.
Author oppath Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Well, no sooner do I draft a facebook message (it came after my time but if you want to hit on 21 year olds as a 27 year old guy, you have to be savvy like that) to ask the girl I want out (email is lame, I know, but who gives a rat's ass; if someone is interested, it doesn't matter how you do it), than the girl who liked me emails asking if I am free for lunch on friday. Naturally, I didn't send the message at that moment, wanting to rethink things. well, I have her cell number too (thanks to facebook), so I'm going to give a call later. I am going to crash and burn, but it's ok, because I am from San Diego, have aviator sun glasses, and my volleyball nickname is Top Gun. I served up 32 straight points a couple weeks ago, so if I can do that, I can do this, though I expect to face plant 30 seconds into the conversation. I would back away, except I already did that, and I think taking a few risks will get me over that fear, the fear I've had since my last breakup. there have been girls, but I've backed away from the ones who interested me. It's time to put a stop to that. All evidence points to a negative on the flyby, but I'm doing it anyway.
Star Gazer Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Why are you attempting to date this girl when you're about to move away?? "Chicks before dicks" is real, and it's solid as far as my girlfriends are concerned. However, it should not and does not dictate YOUR actions, only hers. You really have no idea what your work friend has told her friend (the one you like), or how much she likes you, has gushed about you, etc. IMO, depending on how she feels, how long she's felt that way, and how much she's shared with the girl you like, it might be a completely classless and rude thing to do for her to respond to your pursuits. Think about the situation in reverse...if you had been totally been into a girl, talked to your guy friend all time time about her, and then he ends up going out with her when she asks. It would suck.
Author oppath Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 You are right SG. I think I am all caught up in all of a sudden, wanting to take bigger social risks. There have been a handful of times this summer when I backed down from dates and I regret it. But I am leaving, so dating isn't an option, and I don't want to pursue girls for sex unless they throw it my way. The best course of action is friendship with both of them. No hurt feelings. Nothing on the sly. I'm trying to force myself into action, by my motivations are wrong. It's like I'm trying to prove something to myself and that's not healthy. Ok. I'll be friends with both of them...unless the one I like comes onto me.
Turquoise Waters Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 Sorry, dude, but when the birthday girl's friend stated "Birthday Girl called dibs on you." that was her nice way of saying "I know you want to hit on me, but I'm not interested." Sorry but the girl you were interested in wasn't into you in that way. She just put it in a way to look like she was loyal to her friend. It really wasn't a matter of the 'chicks and dicks' thing because if the friend you were interested in was interested, she wouldn't have said the "dibs" thing.
Star Gazer Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 Their friendship could be damaged because of this situation (if you do end up going out with the one you like), I want to warn you of that. Seeing as you're leaving, I think it's unfair for you to seek your jollies and leave them in your wake.
Author oppath Posted July 21, 2007 Author Posted July 21, 2007 Sorry, dude, but when the birthday girl's friend stated "Birthday Girl called dibs on you." that was her nice way of saying "I know you want to hit on me, but I'm not interested." Sorry but the girl you were interested in wasn't into you in that way. She just put it in a way to look like she was loyal to her friend. It really wasn't a matter of the 'chicks and dicks' thing because if the friend you were interested in was interested, she wouldn't have said the "dibs" thing. Or, the one girl was talking about me all night saying "this guy is coming; I have a crush on him; he's 27 and is dreamy." That's more what happened. She had told all of her friends about me ahead of time. A lot of girls are loyal to their friends like that. It's more likely she was trying to tell me "hit on her. She likes you" than "don't hit on me." But I'm not going after either of them.
xEmoxOtakux Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 This is untrue. Im a guy, and love comes first before family and friends, no matter what. Theres no silly "code", and none of my friends follow a rediculous "code either.
fray718 Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 the girl code holds true for me. I would never date a guy who is an ex of my friends or who my friends like and I'd expect the same treatment in return. Because i know if any of us deviate from this code, the friendship will be ruined.
Alexandra-Girl Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 No denying that there isn't some type of mutual rule... but.... There is a flip side to any girls 'code', which you may want to think about before 'hitting' or 'hooking-up' any further. It's called a future triangle of BS that follows! Witnessed by many men, many moons over. I'm sure you can read it under 'I hate her friends' - available at [tripleW]insertanyrelationshipforumnintheworld[com] Girl A calls 'dibs', Girl B says 'okay' for the night. Boy hits girl A. Boy gets 'hooked' on Girl A. Girl A spends her time with Boy because she gets 'hooked'. Girl B finds that Girl A spends too much time with Boy - who was supposed to be the fling. Girl B gets clingy and brings up 'said' girl code to Girl A. Girl A either ends 'hooked relationship' with Boy - for Girl Code; or, Girl A gets flack from Girl B and tensions increase. Girl B and A argue about stupid crisis, Girl B and A try to work it out, Girl B turns to resenting Boy for taking 'her friend away'. Girl A ends up angered by having to separate time with Girl B from Boy. Relationship deteriorates and Boy is left saying 'I hate her friends'. This is particularly common when Girl B is single. Boy takes away party time! Seriously, any CODE = stay clear... Codes should not exist for the sheer reason of a predictable future riddled with immaturity and selfishness (inadverant or not).
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