Mary3 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Can you link a pic of your body ? 6'6 can weigh well over 300 and just look like a gentle giant... One guy lied and said he was 240 lbs but was 330 lbs so you can see the shock from what I experienced when I think I'm getting Teddy Ruxpin and instead gets Goliath Over Weight...Really huge guys Refrigerator size are not attractive to me and this guy was A frigerator ! Better you post a full body pic so the girl shes what she is really getting and decides to write you. Its pretty shocking the average woman won't go out with 300 pound guys but your advantage is to lose some weight and change your attitude !
McFadden Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Well I know an almost 300lb who is not fat, he works out all the time and is buff but I don't think that is OP's scenario. Is this the same guy that posted as Oavada? It sounds like him but I don't think so because I remember there being a picture of him where he didn't seem overweight.
Touche Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 :lmao: Touche, You're expecting an awful lot from a guy who doesn't want to pay for a first date because it might not work out!!!!! I know what was I thinking! I know. Look at what he responded with. He apologized and then tells me he didn't even notice the post that I took the time to write. Nice. DA, I don't want to make this about me. I was just using that as an example to show you that you're not polite. You're rude. Even your apology to me was rude. You should have just said you apologize and appreciate the post. You could have left out the part about not noticing my post. See what I'm saying? So I, and many others were right. Your rudeness extends to other areas. Not just dating. Maybe you have bad table manners. Do you know how to cut a steak? Maybe this is stupid but you wouldn't believe how many men didn't know how to properly handle a steak knife. That was a reason for me to not go out on a second date believe it or not. Well, I'll stop now. You probably won't even notice this post anyway. But I do agree with the poster who said you don't need a fashion consultant. You need a counselor. Your weight and your clothes are not the issue. I'd bet everything I have on that.
Touche Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Well I know an almost 300lb who is not fat, he works out all the time and is buff but I don't think that is OP's scenario. Is this the same guy that posted as Oavada? It sounds like him but I don't think so because I remember there being a picture of him where he didn't seem overweight. Yep. That's what I think. The same personality comes through. As for the pic..maybe it was an old one. And maybe not. It may be that it's just easier to blame physical traits, like weight and teeth, etc. on the fact that he can't ever get a second date. It's easier to accept that I guess than to think it might be a lousy personality, bad manners, rotten attitude, etc. don't you think? Well guess what, DA? You CAN change your personality if you really wanted to. We ALL have to work on ourselves at some point or another. It's never too late. But you seem really stubborn about it. You seem to want to learn some "tricks" or something. Newsflash for you: There are no tricks. I mean even people on an anonymous message board can see what kind of person you are. I can't imagine how that translates into real life. Forget the dating coach. That's not the kind of help you need.
underpants Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Well, Now I am chuckeling a little. I had that same thought when he posted about advice from an attractive woman earlier. However, this personality seems much more subdued then the drake. Although there might be some issues in play with this cat. Believe it or not, there are lots of angry superficial people in the world. If only there was just one. DA, you just have to be happy with yourself, all 300 lbs or make it a goal to work on it, whatever. There is an expression that you catch more flys with honey. If you work on being genuinely nice and respectful to people and learn to not take rejection or critism so personally then that might eventually through some trial and error help you find that special lady. Keep posting and be open to the advice. We are all here to make ourselves better, or to kill time between awkward dates.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 A simple walk in a public park, I can't imagine there being anymore of a perfect place to get acquainted unless ofcourse you live near a river or a beach. A simple walk in the park is a great way to meet someone and to find out if either of you are interested in investing your time or money further.
oppath Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Dating as a graduate student, my expectations are that the woman pay her share early on in the dating process or that we go for cheap dates. I seriously don't have enough money to pay for myself, let alone another person, and I'll take out loans so I can afford to date. Yes, I dislike dinner dates for first dates, but I'll generally go someplace cheaper like a really cool sandwich shop followed by frisbee at the beach. I cut my costs in half. If I can tell the woman is interested, I'll gladly pay for a more expensive meal on a second date, but honestly, I still want the total bill to be less than $40. And then on the third date, I'd expect her to pay for it all, not necessarily the same dollar value, I look for the effort. Post graduate school, I expect these standards to change. Yes, I dislike taking a woman out to dinner who I'm not sure is interested. It's not worth my money. But there are options. While pizza and air hockey may be a turn off for some women, for me, it is the perfect first date. I try to have TWO activites, each of short duration, such as the above or ice cream and watching the seals. My biggest problem with a dinner date for the first date is you are just sitting there. It feels so much like an interview. I prefer something else to comment on or an activity. The thing is, there are numerous activities that are free. You local contemporary art museum might have a new exhibit with drinks and a DJ the first thursday of every month: that is a great date idea. But no, a cafe on a first date is not strange. Some women may want more; some women despise more. It depends on context. Calibrate to the context.
Mary3 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I think if the man expressed that he was struggling student then the woman makes a choice right then and there to continue seeing him. I have dated poor guys before , that struggle , but we have great chemistry. ..I'm okay with low cost dates like hiking or maybe fast food . At least you know going in that he is struggling and you choose to be with him..
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Dating as a graduate student, my expectations are that the woman pay her share early on in the dating process or that we go for cheap dates. I seriously don't have enough money to pay for myself, let alone another person, and I'll take out loans so I can afford to date. Yes, I dislike dinner dates for first dates, but I'll generally go someplace cheaper like a really cool sandwich shop followed by frisbee at the beach. I cut my costs in half. If I can tell the woman is interested, I'll gladly pay for a more expensive meal on a second date, but honestly, I still want the total bill to be less than $40. And then on the third date, I'd expect her to pay for it all, not necessarily the same dollar value, I look for the effort. Post graduate school, I expect these standards to change. Yes, I dislike taking a woman out to dinner who I'm not sure is interested. It's not worth my money. But there are options. While pizza and air hockey may be a turn off for some women, for me, it is the perfect first date. I try to have TWO activites, each of short duration, such as the above or ice cream and watching the seals. My biggest problem with a dinner date for the first date is you are just sitting there. It feels so much like an interview. I prefer something else to comment on or an activity. The thing is, there are numerous activities that are free. You local contemporary art museum might have a new exhibit with drinks and a DJ the first thursday of every month: that is a great date idea. But no, a cafe on a first date is not strange. Some women may want more; some women despise more. It depends on context. Calibrate to the context. Good post Oppath, I would go for effort and planning over $$ anyday!
oppath Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 but I've been turned down a lot because of money, and it saddens me. It's easy to say "you aren't right for each other" but knowing in 2 years, when I make $100,000k we would be right for each other is unsatisfying. At the same time, **** it. I'd rather poke at crabs in tide pools than sit at a restaurant. If a girl wouldn't want to do that, that's her problem, I'm going out on a Saturday afternoon and doing it anyway.
jcster Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I'd rather poke at crabs in tide pools than sit at a restaurant. If a girl wouldn't want to do that, that's her problem, Me too! Don't worry about the chicks after money - eventually they'll get that hundred-thousand-aire and wonder why they're not having any fun.
nicki Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I agree with you, Oppath. My best first dates were always active ones. For instance, picking up a couple of smoothies or ice cream cones and taking a walk around the lake. I like your idea of combining two activities. Much more fun. Air hockey and pizza sounds great. Much better than falling asleep during a two hour meal full of small talk. I'd rather save the dinner for the second or third date when we would have more to talk about and are comfortable with each other. The trick is to have a variety of dates. As for paying for the dates, I let the guy pay for the first date. I offer to pick up the movie tickets or popcorn for the second or third date. Maybe buy breakfast over a weekend of activities. And I'll make him dinner after several dates. I don't think I've ever actually paid for an expensive restaurant date for a guy I dated, except on his birthday or to celebrate an accomplishment of his, or if he regularly paid for every dinner and I wanted to suprise him by paying. But it was fairly infrequent. I've always found it better to pay periodically for movies and other lower cost items. Seems like the men I've been with like to feel they are good providers. But, I've never wanted a man to spend more than he has. We can always cook together. It's really the company that matters. And like the poster said, it's about "generosity and wanting to please." Those are very attractive qualities.
Topper Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I want to know what TURNS ON a pretty women, not someone who is unattractive because I have no intentions on being with a woman I'm not attracted to. Well for some pretty woman it is money. You can be fat ugly and old . If you have the cash some woman will find you. Now your job would be to find that balance, of giving her just enough to keep her around but not to much that she will start thinking of cashing out fora richer man. Aint Love Grand!
electric_sheep Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I've had long, intimate conversations at "coffee houses" lasting a couple of hours. What's with all the dating "rules" people? It's really quite boring. I once took a girl to a graveyard on a first date (albeit, a very historic graveyard). She loved it.
shadowplay Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 but I've been turned down a lot because of money, and it saddens me. It's easy to say "you aren't right for each other" but knowing in 2 years, when I make $100,000k we would be right for each other is unsatisfying. At the same time, **** it. I'd rather poke at crabs in tide pools than sit at a restaurant. If a girl wouldn't want to do that, that's her problem, I'm going out on a Saturday afternoon and doing it anyway. Oppath, I love your attitude. Your personality is hot.
shadowplay Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I once took a girl to a graveyard on a first date (albeit, a very historic graveyard). She loved it. that would actually appeal to me. I like guys who think outside the box.
sofakingmad Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 nothing wrong with meeting for a coffee or drink on the first "date".
Author DateAnalyzer Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Everyone I just want to say I did make a horrible choice and planned our date to be at a cafe inside the AMTRAK STATION in philadelphia. Bad decision by me and I guess i never saw anything wrong with it because they have places to eat inside there and sit down.
oppath Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 You know how you can save that date...PEOPLE WATCHING. I once took a girl to the airport (pre 9-11) on a first date for dinner and people watching. We'd just point out all the interesting characters. Now, I knew she liked this before the date, but the point is, you can have fun at the AMTRAK station. Unconventional, yes, but it doesn't have to be doomsday.
sofakingmad Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Everyone I just want to say I did make a horrible choice and planned our date to be at a cafe inside the AMTRAK STATION in philadelphia. Bad decision by me and I guess i never saw anything wrong with it because they have places to eat inside there and sit down. going to a cafe is one thing. going to a cafe at 30th street station in philly is quite another. it was fun to people watch the last time i was there. but it wasn't a date i was waiting for the train. lol
Mary3 Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 I've had long, intimate conversations at "coffee houses" lasting a couple of hours. What's with all the dating "rules" people? It's really quite boring. I once took a girl to a graveyard on a first date (albeit, a very historic graveyard). She loved it. A graveyard . That's HOT !
Turquoise Waters Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 but I've been turned down a lot because of money, and it saddens me. It's easy to say "you aren't right for each other" but knowing in 2 years, when I make $100,000k we would be right for each other is unsatisfying. At the same time, **** it. I'd rather poke at crabs in tide pools than sit at a restaurant. If a girl wouldn't want to do that, that's her problem, I'm going out on a Saturday afternoon and doing it anyway. Maybe it wasn't your money, they just weren't attracted to you, and you just assumed it was your income. I see what you're saying about a first date, but my best first date was going to a restaurant and a comedy show afterwards. It was just the chemistry between us. That's really what makes a good first date, not where the date is taking place. He wasn't trying to say "Look, I'm cool, I like to do "different" things on a first date and put on a production." I would have seen right through that, anyway.
Turquoise Waters Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 Everyone I just want to say I did make a horrible choice and planned our date to be at a cafe inside the AMTRAK STATION in philadelphia. Bad decision by me and I guess i never saw anything wrong with it because they have places to eat inside there and sit down. I would have to say that was a bad decision.
oppath Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 Maybe it wasn't your money, they just weren't attracted to you, and you just assumed it was your income. I see what you're saying about a first date, but my best first date was going to a restaurant and a comedy show afterwards. It was just the chemistry between us. That's really what makes a good first date, not where the date is taking place. He wasn't trying to say "Look, I'm cool, I like to do "different" things on a first date and put on a production." I would have seen right through that, anyway. "When you will be finished with graduate school?" "2-3 years." "Oh, that's too bad, you're really cute but I wouldn't be able to date you because I want a guy with a good job." I hadn't asked this girl on a date. I wasn't even flirting with her. She was just being rude and blurted it out pretty much out of nowhere. The assumption I make is that other women feel the same way .
Mary3 Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 "When you will be finished with graduate school?" "2-3 years." "Oh, that's too bad, you're really cute but I wouldn't be able to date you because I want a guy with a good job." I hadn't asked this girl on a date. I wasn't even flirting with her. She was just being rude and blurted it out pretty much out of nowhere. The assumption I make is that other women feel the same way . To me it seems rude to focus on the mans income and status . While most women want a man with a steady reliable income some tend to focus on his bucks as well....what most of my friends do sadly. I tend to focus on his sense of humor , his passion for life , his good heart. I know I might be a rare breed but the reality is : If a woman is focused only on his income then you know she might be the first to dig in his pockets and want to be catered to in a gravytrain way.... For some women status and high income are requirements but not for me. Some of the most arrogant and pretentious men I have dated had plenty of money and spent hours talking about their money * yawn ~boring * and I found them to be quite arrogant... Are there rich successful guys with a good heart ? Well Warren Buffet , one of the richest men in the world , is likely the best example of someone who has a great deal of money but is well grounded and lives quite modestly....
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