doiask42much Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 If I'm going to wear uncomfortable tight jeans, high heels and a push up bra, then a guy can spring for the first meal. It's a question of generosity. Amen, sister!
Lizzie60 Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I totally agree... it's not the guy's responsibility to pay for the dinner more than it is the woman's. That's why I never ever go for dinner on a first date. I go for a coffee. But if we're going to see each other again, then I expect him to pay... I will pay the next time. A guy who bring a 'meal coupon' at a restaurant would definitely be 'out'... same as a guy who is 'cheap'... I hate greedy people.... I am not 'cheap', I don't mind paying my share... but if the guy has to split everything little thing in half (the cab, the tip, etc.) I won't see him again. First, I never date guys who are 'tight' money-wise... I want guys who are well-off and money is not an issue... cause it's really not an issue for me... I am extremely generous with the people I love.
McFadden Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 What a romantic you are. I'm sorry.. I decided a while back I'm not going to waste any of precious moments of my fleeting and ethereal existance on a first date. Sitting there with someone scrutinizing me trying to decide if I look good enough to deserve to keep associating with them. I'm not attractive to most people (I could look a lot better but I don't do anything to help it) so 9 out of 10 times I would just get nexted after the guy wastes all his money on the gigantic amount of food I shovel down. A waste of time for everyone involved unless the food is really good- but no one enjoys the food on a date anyway, they're trying to take small and dainty bites. This is why I have to go for the friends angle, if people like me romantically its usually after they get to know what a nice, entertaining person I am. Besides at that point they have seen how I normally eat, dress and act without the pretense of the first date. I know I probably only have had success with that a few times because I'm a girl, though. For guys its supposedly harder to transition out of the friend zone.
doiask42much Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 McFadden, also consider this guy is 32. At that age, you don't routinely meet new people anymore or have very big social networks where you get the opportunity to mingle with people repeatedly, over time, in a relaxed setting. I'm sure most people would prefer to take the friend-first route, but I haven't had the luxury of doing that since I was in college. As you get older, you will probably find yourself in this situation too, and you will find yourself doing things you wouldn't have considered in the past.
McFadden Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 McFadden, also consider this guy is 32. At that age, you don't routinely meet new people anymore or have very big social networks where you get the opportunity to mingle with people repeatedly, over time, in a relaxed setting. I'm sure most people would prefer to take the friend-first route, but I haven't had the luxury of doing that since I was in college. As you get older, you will probably find yourself in this situation too, and you will find yourself doing things you wouldn't have considered in the past. Going on a first date without meeting the person first, no way. The field I want to go into won't have that problem, but, for this guy it sucks that he has to go on a lot of first dates and it is apparently not going well. I have gotten the impression that many of the people you meet on the internet who want to date have ulterior motives. Usually if you are overweight, like this guy described himself, it will be an automatic next. There are probably other ways to meet people, but online dating does have its benefits numbers wise. I wouldn't go through with it though, there must be other ways to meet people.
halfarock Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Why would I just automacially pay for a women's meal i just met?… ...i'm not paying for anything until it's confirmed that the sexual attraction is MUTUAL This is absolutely the wrong attitude to take if you ever want a woman in your life. From all of your posts, you make it clear that you are not a big hit with the ladies. Yet you don’t even want to pay for a meal until what? She demonstrates to you that she likes you? Wants to have sex with you? It’s not going to happen. You are making your chances even worse by essentially telling a woman that your willingness to pay for a first date is conditional on her liking you to your satisfaction. You’re living in a fantasy world. I'm leaving if she is not cute Like you’re a fine catch yourself. And you’re not even willing to stick around and gain a little social experience which it sounds like you are in great need of.
McFadden Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Yeah I am really not trying to sound rude and shallow but if you are not the best looking you will probably have to face the music that either you have to settle for someone else who isn't attractive, or make up for it in other ways like offering to pay for an expensive date. A lot of people are just that shallow. Hopefully you will meet one of the women who is not like that but if you come off with a bitter attitude at all it won't happen.
doiask42much Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Going on a first date without meeting the person first, no way. The field I want to go into won't have that problem, but, for this guy it sucks that he has to go on a lot of first dates and it is apparently not going well. I have gotten the impression that many of the people you meet on the internet who want to date have ulterior motives. Usually if you are overweight, like this guy described himself, it will be an automatic next. There are probably other ways to meet people, but online dating does have its benefits numbers wise. I wouldn't go through with it though, there must be other ways to meet people. There are, but it's an easy way for a lot of people, though not necessarily a good way, depending on who you ask. I thought your posts interesting because I too used to have a very cynical attitude about love and dating and how fake people are, and because of that I felt I wasn't going to bother putting on makeup, that I looked fine as I was, and they could just f*ck off if they didn't think so. Now, ten years later, I've been in love, I've been hurt, I've been hopeful about finding it again (I think I have), and I've put myself out there and jumped through more hoops than my 20-year-old self would ever have thought possible. Not to say you will be like me in the future (perhaps your field will allow you to avoid that), but just that being in one's 30s and not having avenues to meet people, even friends, as many of the threads on LS indicate, is a reality for a lot of people. But yeah, if the OP is overweight, he should be jumping at the opportunity to pay for a woman's meal, not bitching about it. He's lucky they would go out with him at all, as for a blind date, yes, these things matter, and that's the cold hard truth. A good attitude about it would take him a lot further.
Topper Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 If I meet someone for a date from match or someother dating site the first date is coffee and or maybe an afternoon lunch date. I have done the expensive dinners and It gets old fast hearing your a nice guy but..... A nice dinner with wine and tip can be $100.00 or more. a few first dates that don't go anywhere ad up fast. If the coffee and all goes well then 2nd date might Be a nice Dinner. I don't mind paying, I do mind being used as a way to get a free meal. Some woman honestly convey the massage " I'm so sexy your lucky to be sitting with me." On the other hand if we have met at a party or through mutual friends. That is a diffrent matter. We already know there is some mutual attraction. In most cases It will be a dinner date or perhaps some other activity like a concert. It really depends on what we have in common.
Topper Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 But yeah, if the OP is overweight, he should be jumping at the opportunity to pay for a woman's meal, not bitching about it. He's lucky they would go out with him at all, as for a blind date, yes, these things matter, and that's the cold hard truth. A good attitude about it would take him a lot further. So cute Girls should get a dinner paid for by her date becuse she put on some makeup and a push up bra. Now lets take this one more step. An unattractive woman should not except anything becuse like the OP she is over wieght and luck to be on a date at all. Is that what your saying?
jcster Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I think whoever asks for the date pays for the dinner. And yes, I've paid for a couple.
Krytellan Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 So you can get a free meal off me, I see I know I'm coming off as obsessive with my thoughts on this. However, this is one of about 10 examples I see as to why you just are not ready for the dating world. You have a sense of entitlement. You equate paying for dinner with needing a signed contract that there will be a second date. You flat out tell girls before meeting them how important their looks are. Gee, I'm sure NONE of this personality comes out while you are talking to the girl. Yes, I am being sarcastic. Women are not stupid and people in general observe more than you know. I am absolutely and hands down not surprised you don't get many (any) second dates. Seriously DA, you need to find a way to adjust your attitude if being successful at dating matters to you. Or you can defend with every last breath why your way is the right way. No amount of complaining will make your dating successful. Only understanding, effort, and good choices will, and there has been no indication that you understand women. You can get mad at me if you want, but I seriously think you have been getting powder-puff responses. I'm surprised the women have been as easy on you as they have.
doiask42much Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 The meal doesn't have to be expensive. This guy has a major attitude problem. If you read his earlier posts, he TOLD the woman ON THE PHONE before meeting her that he would be out the door and not paying if she didn't meet his expectations, yet he himself is overweight. What for? I'm not speaking of what should or shouldn't happen, merely what generally happens. I didn't make the rules. When you have less of a desired commodity, in this case looks, yes, you should expect less. Of course you don't have to, but you'd be setting yourself up for disappointment, as the OP seems to be doing, and he's compounding it with a bad attitude. I have found the more attractive a person is, whatever their gender, the greater their sense of entitlement. From what he said, he doesn't fall into this category yet he still has a sense of entitlement, and I can't understand why.
doiask42much Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 That was in response to Topper. Sorry, forgot to quote you.
Author DateAnalyzer Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 I know I'm coming off as obsessive with my thoughts on this. However, this is one of about 10 examples I see as to why you just are not ready for the dating world. You have a sense of entitlement. You equate paying for dinner with needing a signed contract that there will be a second date. You flat out tell girls before meeting them how important their looks are. Gee, I'm sure NONE of this personality comes out while you are talking to the girl. Yes, I am being sarcastic. Women are not stupid and people in general observe more than you know. I am absolutely and hands down not surprised you don't get many (any) second dates. Seriously DA, you need to find a way to adjust your attitude if being successful at dating matters to you. Or you can defend with every last breath why your way is the right way. No amount of complaining will make your dating successful. Only understanding, effort, and good choices will, and there has been no indication that you understand women. You can get mad at me if you want, but I seriously think you have been getting powder-puff responses. I'm surprised the women have been as easy on you as they have. Well the first thing I have to do is mention over the phone that I'm overweight.
halfarock Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Well the first thing I have to do is mention over the phone that I'm overweight. Fat people get dates, fat people have relationships, fat people get married. Being overweight is not your problem. Your social ineptitude is. I'm sure with someone, somewhere you can go and take a class or something.
Author DateAnalyzer Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 Fat people get dates, fat people have relationships, fat people get married. Being overweight is not your problem. Your social ineptitude is. I'm sure with someone, somewhere you can go and take a class or something. It's tougher for fat men in Philadelphia, pa
McFadden Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I thought your posts interesting because I too used to have a very cynical attitude about love and dating and how fake people are, and because of that I felt I wasn't going to bother putting on makeup, that I looked fine as I was, and they could just f*ck off if they didn't think so. Now, ten years later, I've been in love, I've been hurt, I've been hopeful about finding it again (I think I have), and I've put myself out there and jumped through more hoops than my 20-year-old self would ever have thought possible. You are mostly right about my attitude, but I have been thinking about doing some minor things to improve my appearance. I don't think that is jumping through hoops, but if you're changing your appearance it should always be for yourself first. I just want to meet someone who likes me for me. If I put on a pretense at first there would be dissapointment later. But yeah, if the OP is overweight, he should be jumping at the opportunity to pay for a woman's meal, not bitching about it. He's lucky they would go out with him at all, as for a blind date, yes, these things matter, and that's the cold hard truth. A good attitude about it would take him a lot further. That does sound extremely harsh but its the reality for a lot of people. And on that subject, I don't think OP should announce on the phone prior to the date that he is overweight. That makes it seem like he has a complex already and it goes downhill from there. There must be a less awkward way to make them aware of it beforehand, like exchanging pictures.
jcster Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 It's tougher for fat men in Philadelphia, pa Baloney! In the land of the Philly Cheese Steak? It's all in your head, seriously - it is. If you weren't so hung up on looks (yours and hers) you might just take a nice, friendly girl out for a sandwich and have some FUN for a change!
Author DateAnalyzer Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 Baloney! In the land of the Philly Cheese Steak? It's all in your head, seriously - it is. If you weren't so hung up on looks (yours and hers) you might just take a nice, friendly girl out for a sandwich and have some FUN for a change! Are there any websites that helps FAT MEN suceeed on Blind Dates? I need some Tips besides the obvious answer like-LOSING WEIGHT
Touche Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I know I'm coming off as obsessive with my thoughts on this. However, this is one of about 10 examples I see as to why you just are not ready for the dating world. You have a sense of entitlement. You equate paying for dinner with needing a signed contract that there will be a second date. You flat out tell girls before meeting them how important their looks are. Gee, I'm sure NONE of this personality comes out while you are talking to the girl. Yes, I am being sarcastic. Women are not stupid and people in general observe more than you know. I am absolutely and hands down not surprised you don't get many (any) second dates. Seriously DA, you need to find a way to adjust your attitude if being successful at dating matters to you. Or you can defend with every last breath why your way is the right way. No amount of complaining will make your dating successful. Only understanding, effort, and good choices will, and there has been no indication that you understand women. You can get mad at me if you want, but I seriously think you have been getting powder-puff responses. I'm surprised the women have been as easy on you as they have. Completely agree with all of this. I was trying to convey the same things. Also, that is so incredibly rude to tell someone that if they don't meet your expectations, you're not sticking around for the date. I'm sure that that kind of rude behavior is not isolated. It just has to come out in other ways. What if this latest date, ran the other way when she saw you? You were so convinced that she was impressed by you because she threw a few compliments your way during your little date. Hell, I used to do the same thing too just to make the best of it (knowing there was no chance I'd ever go out with the guy again.) That's just called being polite and considerate. And you don't need a good-looking gal pal to get tips. Get them here. Everyone is trying to help you but honestly, you don't seem all that receptive. Maybe I'm not pretty enough to be giving you advice.
McFadden Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Are there any websites that helps FAT MEN suceeed on Blind Dates? I need some Tips besides the obvious answer like-LOSING WEIGHT Be funny...like most people I normally do not find excess weight attractive but all of the men that were overweight that I still found attractive had a sense of humor about it and acted like they weren't bothered over it. Overweight + chip on shoulder about being overweight = not hot.
doiask42much Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I don't think OP should announce on the phone prior to the date that he is overweight. That makes it seem like he has a complex already and it goes downhill from there. There must be a less awkward way to make them aware of it beforehand, like exchanging pictures. That is what I was thinking too. Why do you do that, OP? Wouldn't pictures convey that, more or less? BTW, McFadden, I wrote something on your thread how do guys talk to women they are interested in. I do think you can subtly enhance how you look without deceiving.
Author DateAnalyzer Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 Completely agree with all of this. I was trying to convey the same things. Also, that is so incredibly rude to tell someone that if they don't meet your expectations, you're not sticking around for the date. I'm sure that that kind of rude behavior is not isolated. It just has to come out in other ways. What if this latest date, ran the other way when she saw you? You were so convinced that she was impressed by you because she threw a few compliments your way during your little date. Hell, I used to do the same thing too just to make the best of it (knowing there was no chance I'd ever go out with the guy again.) That's just called being polite and considerate. And you don't need a good-looking gal pal to get tips. Get them here. Everyone is trying to help you but honestly, you don't seem all that receptive. Maybe I'm not pretty enough to be giving you advice. I need my own personal attractive female dating coach
doiask42much Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Are there any websites that helps FAT MEN suceeed on Blind Dates? I need some Tips besides the obvious answer like-LOSING WEIGHT No more pizza rolls!
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