cr8sea Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Ive been dating this guy for a month and a half now and im very lukewarm about him. I think the reason is because im not sure if he sees us being together for the long run. he jokes alot and sometimes i wonder if i should be reading between the lines. Like, last nite he joked about not "knowing" me in december. When i said he would, he smiled, said "really?" and kissed me. Im not sure if he isnt sure ill stay with him, or if he just doesnt see himself with me, and thats making me very unsure. He seems to like me a lot, but ive experienced that "seems" and reality are not always the same. Another thing that makes me wonder is that he doesnt seem to like to do much more than hang out at home, watch tv and occasionally go out at nite or to a bike ride. Granted he works 12 hour days, and every single moment of rest is precious, but id love it if we could go out on a saturday during the day somewhere. In fact i asked him to take me to the fair this weekend and he seemed very unenthusiastic. He just said "ill let you know" and attempted to make a deal where we instead would go to a bar or a dance club at nite. I hardly ever ask him for much, even he says im very low maintenance, but even low maintenance girls still want to be pleased once in a while. He tries to please me sometimes...but the efforts are very limited. Im wondering if im letting him get away with too much and as a result he's just slacking, or if he's just really not for me Im so confused. Anyone care to help me out? id really appreciate it!
oppath Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 One thing I'd caution you on is that it is still very early in the relationship. 6 weeks is NOTHING. It's long enough to start liking someone, but you are both very much in the getting to know each other phase. I feel his remarks about the future are innocent, and he is likely testing to see how you feel about him. As for a day out, you have every right to want that, but rather than tell him that he should take you out, how about you take him out? I know it's not the romance you are looking for, but sometimes you have to take the lead. You can't expect him to read your mind. Basically, I feel you are putting too much pressure on him and yourself for things to be perfect and solidified right now. Just enjoy it.
Author cr8sea Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 wow you have no idea how much better your advice made me feel. For sme reason i think that if its meant to be we should be perfect and i should be completely content with the relationship. Reading your advice though made me realize that neither of us is perfect and it does take time to build on that "like" and other things....thanks so much!
oppath Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 well, you want a relationship that feels natural; just be sure not to sabotage that from happening. My ex would say things like "I'm 85% sure you are the guy I am going to marry" after 3 months, "does that scare you?" "Yes", I would answer, "it does a little." I was honest, and she'd freak, and I had to reassure her that I did want a future with her and was hoping for a long term one, it was just TOO SOON for something so serious to be said. You aren't saying serious things like that, but realize 6 weeks is still very early. For many that is too early to be official bf/gf. I do think you should be going out at this stage. How often do you see him? If it is A LOT, or TOO LITTLE, that might explain just lounging around and the lack of romance.
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