purety1 Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I like this site because I can walk away learning and feeling better with this support system. I posted my story in the break up section a few days ago. Today I walked into work feeling torn apart. I was able to smile and not let anyone know I felt like sh**. I cry myself to sleep almost everynight and appy a cold rag to hide my eyes being swollen. I have been so lonely for years. I have been used by guys for my money, sex and my kind heart. All my friends are married or have boyfriends and I have no one to go and hang out with... I tried online dating it just frustrates me.. I feel like I am going to be alone forever.. Like I have nothing to offer anyone. I used to have low low self esteem and give all my heart so easily.. .I finally got better and restrained my love more.. and I am still in the same boat... I dated someone at work just recently, it was a casual relationship but i thought we were getting to know each other and he faded me out. I still had to be around him which was very hard... and all he would do was try to avoid me, stare at me when i walked by or when i was talking, put his head down, look the other way or look at me and walk away. The story tells all. I just can't believe he would treat me so nicely one month ago and then act like he doesn't even know who I am.. or he had to be cold. Why couldn't I have been the girl he adored.. the girl he wouldn't hurt. Even if he didn't mean to hurt me.. he wasn't even pleasant to me and I wasn't even overly emotional. But I didn't dog him out to my coworkers I kept in all inside. I used the advice given to me and i didn't fuss or yell at him when i saw him at work. I confronted him at work once but i didn't make a scene I did it very pleasantly.. no arguements but all he could say was he was moving back to cali..he wanted to walk away from me right away after nc for 3 weeks I sent him a goodluck/best wishes text...not expecting a response... I saw him the next day... he just stared at me when i walked by... or looked down. He chose not to be friendly. I held my head up and smiled the best I could. I just feel like this is what happens to me all the time.... like I don't deserve to be loved.. no matter how good of a person I am. I feel like now i am just the girl he slept with on the east coast and then got rid of. I know he doesn't think of me... probably never... will again. I am tired of these kind of relationships..... why do the girls that act like bitches...get these good guys... and I sit there wondering will i ever have a good relationship. Will someone ever see me for me....and want me for me. I just feel so alone. Just seeing his face and how cold he was to me... when i was in his arms one month ago. I enjoyed being with him....and he chose to cut me off. I feel like this is what is meant to happen to me.... I just want to be happy again... I want to be loved ................ (tear)
smwhtshy Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 (I just feel like this is what happens to me all the time.... like I don't deserve to be loved..) I'm no expert by any stretch, but your post touched me, because I know those feelings of thinking "its never gonna happen" and "what am I doing wrong when all my buds seem to have relationships" etc, etc. It is very defeating and sad, and makes it sooo hard to think positive about it. BUT, that might be part of the issue, I copied above one sentence in your post that really hit me...and, I hate to sound minimizing, but maybe its because you THINK that way, that (partly) thats why its happening. You know, positive thinking was way popular under different names before Oprah read "The Secret"...(-:, but in many ways, its true. What if you said to yourself, "I'm deserving, I'm cool, I'm looking good, feeling good, and any guy that can't see what a catch I am, doesn't have the tastes or maturity that would make me happy"....sounds silly, but if you can figure out a way to create those thoughts and self talk when you are feeling like your quote above, it will help, and it will attract the kind of guy you want. Just pretend there are 100 guys out there, dying to meet you, and learn what you have to offer. And the next date, if it doesn't work out, think OK, 1 down, 99 to go..and have that confidence in yourself and what you have to offer, to believe it, deep down. And, guess what, the real BF might be #28 or something (of the 100) and you will feel so good to have grown in your own way to be ready and open to his attention. Hang in there...(-:
Slippy72 Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I agree with the above poster. You just have to think positively, I'm going through something similar right about now. It sounds somewhat harsh but I mean it in the kindest way possible, but the more you think that way, the more it'll effect you. You may not even notice it, but it will. The hard part is altering your mindset to adopt this more postive outlook, you just have to look at all the positives you have. You just have to think positively, I'm going through something similar right about now only not as serious and it feels bad, so I can only imagine and sympathise with how you feel. You said you like this site because you can walk away after a session and feel a little bit better. Same for me, and one piece of advice that never fails to change my mood is when people say 'It WILL get better' or 'Things ARE going to change' - it's definitely true for you here.
Author purety1 Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 Thank u! I know you are right... positive thinking I guess it gets cancelled out by pitying how my life has been going. I guess I get lost or got lost in all the unanswered questions.... and failed relationships.............But maybe just maybe if I look beyond all of it....and use the approaches you two gave me... my life will turn around.. Maybe there is some closures and other stuff I have never let go.. allowing it to hinder my movements forward...It will get better.... I just have to learn to have more patience and maintain a positive attitude Allow the past or number 1, 2 or 3 to remain in the past..... and move forward to the next numbers... and just see what happens.... and gracefully learn to accept more failures which will eventually make room for the right person at the right time
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