BlueMoon123 Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 :(Why can't I get over him..what's wrong with me Mr. F split up with me about about 2 and a bit years ago. Although our relationship was magical and made me so happy. I treated him badly and took him for granted until he couldn't take it anymore. Since then, we kept in contact and I found another guy. I was with the other guy for a year and everything was great. But I couldn't shake my feelings for Mr F. so I broke it off with the current one and drunkenly told Mr. F how much I wanted him back. He said he wasn't looking for a relationship and broke my heart. For two years I've yearned for someone that doesn't want me and I feel like I'm in absolute constant torture. Its been over two years and I think about him as soon as I wake up ..for every second... and before I go to sleep. My days are filled with plans and tactics to win him back... none of which have worked. I feel like I'm heading for a brake down... He contacts me every now and again for sex (although not that blatent!) and I give in every time... thinking I can shunt him into wanting me again.. I feel like I won't be happy unless he gives me another chance and I know I can make him happy. Ok here comes the psycho bit... He once told me his password for his online phone bill. And it hasn't changed and now I'm checking it daily because I have to find out who and how much he's texting. Turns out his password is the same for everything so I know who's he's texting what they look like (i.e., from his myspace) and what they are up to etc... Its getting beyond a joke. I drive past his house almost every night and this girl he's texting and he has no idea. I get depressed because I see him texting these other girls and think 'what have they got that I haven't'?? It makes me feel ugly and fat and I've developed eating problems and hate looking at myself because I feel like I'm not perfect and that's why he's not wanting me. I've tried every tactic... I've told him how I feel, I've tried being there for him, I've tried being friends, I've tried being civil/proffessional... recently... I went on holiday and managed to ignore him for about a month. When I got back I had 3 messages, 2 voicemails, and email and online message.. and as I continued, he rang me every other day... and I even spotted him driving past myself. I felt sure that this was my chance to win him over. So I got brown, went to the gym solid for two weeks, grew my hair really long and pickout a really hot outfit when he saw me his eyes popped out of his head stayed with me with his arm round me all night, introduced me to all his friends and when i left he rang constantly saying he had to see me and drove round drunk...of course we slept together. He said he was texting people but it wasn't going anywhere because he's 'not looking for anything' but I'm sure he just said that to get in my knickers... and now..he's back to texting this girl from his work... The week after I broke down. He never texts, but texts this girls every night. He can't be that into her if he's still f**king me. But how can I get it so he just wants me and doesn't want to sleep with me? What can I do I need some serious help. I'm living in constant torment. I've tried doing things with friends and talking to people about it but nothing eases the pain.. If anyone else has been in my situation please tell me what to do and I would REALLY appreciate a guys perspective on this situation...In desperate need of help. I'mgoing out of my mind I cannot think about anything else and its been 2 years..which is worrying... thanks so much! Amelie
funkybassplayer Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Your living this torment b/c you are trying to stay friends with some1 you love. Its impossible, and as you know the pain is too much. The only way forward is to cut all ties.......dead, then heal, and move on with your life. £ years of this must be hell.
Trialbyfire Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 This is one of the things I learned on LS. Don't be afraid to get therapy if there's a situation that you can't handle, particularly if it's eroding on your health. Therapy is not a cure. It is the opportunity to acquire the tools necessary to handle unfamiliar situations. If you view it as a cure, it will not work.
Author BlueMoon123 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Posted July 16, 2007 This is the thing though, I know deep down I should cut all ties..but as soon as I do...he goes out of his way...it'll be a few weeks and as soon as he thinks he cant get what he wants..he rings me all the time, texts me, emails me and even turns up!! How can I get over him if he keeps doingt hat? he's f**king with my head...
funkybassplayer Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 This is the thing though, I know deep down I should cut all ties..but as soon as I do...he goes out of his way...it'll be a few weeks and as soon as he thinks he cant get what he wants..he rings me all the time, texts me, emails me and even turns up!! How can I get over him if he keeps doingt hat? he's f**king with my head... You have to tell him to not contact you.
McFadden Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 If you ask him not to contact you and he doesn't stop you may just have to change your phone number or email. Or just be very strict about the rule not to pick up. Just think of how annoyed he will be when he realizes you aren't going to ever answer or give him the time of day. I am not sure if you need to go to therapy right away as I'm not big on therapy. First try a good few months of absolutely no contact (like while on the vacation) to see if that changes your feelings about it.
Author BlueMoon123 Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Your living this torment b/c you are trying to stay friends with some1 you love. Why is this? I don't get it. All I used to hear is that he (my ex) is "such a nice guy" and he always had loads of girl mates. In particular he has one girl mate who I guess is his best mate. Whilst we were together... (apparently) he felt like he could not be friends with her and thus did not see/contact her for the best part of a year. Towards the end of our relationship, he got back in contact with her and it seems they have been inseperable ever since. Funnily enough, she was an ex but it seemed they were 'better suited as friends' yet I know he still sleeps with her. WTF is this all about?! I remember asking him once 'what is it about HER'. Why can't I have that friendly relationship with him? I understand that I hurt him, but why can he be friends with HER but not ME? I'm trying the no contact thing like you guys suggested but now I'm scared that if I do that he'll never actually even bother to contact me again (but knowing him, he will). You see I'm so confused about this whole thing. Clearly, the no contact will make him 'want what he cant have' but then if I was his friend like this other girl is then I will be in his life and thoughts and maybe I would stand a better chance of him starting to develop feelings through our friendship. Last time I spoke to him, he told me his grandad was dying so I tried the friend thing and invited him round send him messages of moral support and he was thankful, saying no one had done that for him. See my predicament... :'( Look forward to hearing your thoughts.
funkybassplayer Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 First why do you want to be friends? are you trying to hang on to him in hope that something may happen? Also, i gather that he does not want friends, well best just to walk away with your pride. No point being friends if he has some1 new cos you will get hurt, and never heal. You do n/c not to make them miss you, but for you to move on. He sounds like he could'nt let go of his ex and stayed friends, and now back with her. Why do you want to be friends with some1 like that? Your best to leave them to it and you get on with your life.
Author BlueMoon123 Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 No no no they are just friends, she goes to uni far away so half the year never see's him and he's had loads of flings with other girls the whole time he's been 're-aquainted' with her. I was just wondering why guys are such good friends with girls... I thought that didn't work? I don't want to move on... I need to rectify what I did to f**k up the relationship. I won't be able to move on until I can prove that I'm not like that really..
JCD Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I'm a guy and I have no problem being friends with a girl that I have no romantic feelings for. However, I can't be a friend with a girl that I love because I want more and she won't provide it. So I move onto another potential g/f that would get me what I want and vice versa. I think right now you need to remove yourself from your situation and heal. Then find yourself a new guy who you can have a relationship with.
lookingforlife Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 BlueMoon, I have to tell you, from my own, very recent, horrible experience, that the BEST thing IS to just move on. I, myself, have only just realized this...and I had to come to the realization on my own. But it is no good wasting your time on someone, no matter how much you feel you love them, if they are messing with your head like that, and basically just using you for sex. You deserve MUCH better than that! I know it feels as though you will never love again...I know this feeling too. But I am almost positive that if you build up your confidence, in yourself, not just your physical appearance, and get yourself out there, you will meet a good man, who will love you and cherish you, the way someone would in a healthy relationship. You have to strict with yourself, and FORCE these obsessive behaviors to stop. You are only hurting yourself, and giving your power away every time. Do not sell yourself short. Good luck! LookingForLife.
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