darrin Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 hi everyone. this is my first visit to the forum. i feel like i need to get this off my chest with total strangers at this point. have been involved with a girl for about a year. 2 months in she tells me that she's pregnant and of course its mine. i totally change my life around for this. 9 months of buying baby stuff, telling my family member by member, reading books on babies because this was my first one. well, ethan was born and my mom came to town for the occassion. she holds him for a few hours the next day while we take a break from the hospital scene. she gets me alone and tells me this baby looks nothing like me. convinces me to get a skin cell test on the sly that very day. get the test back and this is not my child. when i presented the results to the mom she got defensive and spouted something like "i'm sooo glad you're not the father!" she told me all the way that i was the only guy. she hasn't even called to apologize. right now i'm feeling like my life has been jerked out from under me. the only thing i have right now is the fact that i didn't sign a birth certificate or any other paperwork, but had made an appointment with the hospital registar to do so. why would someone put a guy through this hell? i mean i was 100% supportive all the way.
BabyPhoenix Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Hi Darrin. I am really sorry that this has happened to you. You ask the question, why someone would put you through this. I can only suppose that your girlfriend was looking for a good father to her baby. So in that sense, you can take it as a compliment. You are obviously dependable and steady, which are could virtues to possess. I can imagine that it must seem like the last 8 months of your life have been a lie. It will take you some time to get over this, and will probably affect the way you enter in to future relationships. Just know that you did the right thing, the decent thing – which not many men in your position would have had the courage to do
Trimmer Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Darrin - You were the better choice. And you proved it for 9 months, stepping up to the responsibility of fatherhood. Her defensiveness, her anger are just defense mechanisms against the embarrassment she feels that her lies and deceit were so completely revealed. You dodged a bullet, and by that, I don't mean the child - I mean the woman.
Enema Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 You dodged a bullet, and by that, I DO mean the child. The mother was using you for emotional and probably financial support. Luckily your mother was wise enough to suggest the test. Plenty more fish in the sea that will be honest with you.
Trimmer Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 You dodged a bullet, and by that, I DO mean the child. I understand what you mean, but the reason I wrote it the way I did is that I have this funny, old-fashioned notion that no child deserves to start out as "an accident", no child deserves to be unwanted, and no child deserves to be a dodged bullet. The child wasn't going to be a toxic force in his life; the woman most certainly was.
bish Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 hi everyone. this is my first visit to the forum. i feel like i need to get this off my chest with total strangers at this point. have been involved with a girl for about a year. 2 months in she tells me that she's pregnant and of course its mine. i totally change my life around for this. 9 months of buying baby stuff, telling my family member by member, reading books on babies because this was my first one. well, ethan was born and my mom came to town for the occassion. she holds him for a few hours the next day while we take a break from the hospital scene. she gets me alone and tells me this baby looks nothing like me. convinces me to get a skin cell test on the sly that very day. get the test back and this is not my child. when i presented the results to the mom she got defensive and spouted something like "i'm sooo glad you're not the father!" she told me all the way that i was the only guy. she hasn't even called to apologize. right now i'm feeling like my life has been jerked out from under me. the only thing i have right now is the fact that i didn't sign a birth certificate or any other paperwork, but had made an appointment with the hospital registar to do so. why would someone put a guy through this hell? i mean i was 100% supportive all the way. Why would she put you through this hell?....because she is an evil selfish little slut...thats why. Its really that simple. I feel sorry for the baby to have a mother like that. You would have been the only good thing in its life.
Author darrin Posted July 19, 2007 Author Posted July 19, 2007 appreciate the thoughts from everyone. i dodged a big bullet on this. on the one hand i was so ready to be a dad. had totally rearranged my life for this. but i consider myself lucky to be free of this girl. its amazing how attached i was to ethan even after only a day or so. that hurts alot right now, almost as much as what she did. she was so dishonest on so many levels. i'm getting the feeling that the full force of the emotions haven't hit me yet even though its been a week almost. the first couple of days i had this mental fog and couldn't clear my head. today i've just been angry at everything i come in contact with. and no apology yet, no nothing...
BabyPhoenix Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 Don't hold your breath waiting for an apology. I doubt one with be forthcoming. My advice is just to let the emotions come naturally and work their way out your system naturally. If you inhibit and deny your emotions, then you will end up in a bad place.
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