Oni Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 I've been hesitant to talk about this on a forum (or in general) for quite a while now... it's pretty whiny and pathetic. So I'll try to make it as short as possible. Prepare yourself for a sad little story involving myself and 3 other people who I will call Kyle, Sarah, and Lauren. It started with me going out with Sarah and Kyle going out with Lauren. The four of us were fairly good friends and would hang out together often. But then Sarah dumped me and Lauren dumped Kyle. Kyle eventually hooked up with Sarah after that. I was a little pissed about them going out, but I got over it. Lauren and I continued to hang out as friends. After time I started to like Lauren as more than just a friend. Then Kyle spread this rumor that I would go out with Lauren to try to "get revenge on him for going out with Sarah." I'd never do something like that because it'd be immature. So then Lauren told me it would be best if we just stay "friends," and I came to terms with that. But the sad thing was that I had really fallen for her... I never wanted to tell her how much I loved her because she might think I was faking it to get revenge on Kyle or something. A few months later I went out with a different girl that I kind of liked. But that didn't work out, and eventually I felt that I had to end the relationship because I just couldn't stop thinking about Lauren... It's been a few more months and Lauren has a new boyfriend, but I still can't stop thinking about her constantly! It's driving me INSANE! What should I do? Should I try to pursue a relationship with her later on, or should I just try to forget about her completely? The latter sounds like the best course of action to me, but how can I forget about her?! Well, this post turned out a lot longer than I thought it would, and I thank you for reading it. Any advice on what to do would be much appreciated!!
squeak Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 You should absoloutely try to get back in touch with Lauren should her new relationship not work out, if for 2 important reasons: 1) She has now become a fantasy woman in your mind due to you never having seen a relationship materialize, so no woman can compare to her now or ever. You owe it to your future wife to get her out of your system, if only so 20 years from now, you don't keep imagining she was the one, and did you lose your chance. Men are very predisposed to this type of obsession. It is not uncommon to feel the girl that has been hardest to land is the one you want the most. You need to see if that is really the reality or not. 2) Maybe it will work out, and she is the one for you. I wouldn't advise doing much while she is in the relationship for too many reasons to list. Also, get new friends. Friends hooking up with friends exes is just plain wrong.
Author Oni Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 Hey squeak, thanks for the reply! I think you're probably right that the only way I'll ever be able to forget about her is to get back in touch with her in the future... because so far avoiding her has been completely backfiring. Hopefully I'll be able to do that some time next year (if she doesn't have that boyfriend by then), although I still worry about some kind of retaliation from Kyle. I think that's one of the only things holding me back in pursuing the relationship, the other being that I'm not sure if Lauren would actually believe I loved her. And I'm glad you feel the same way about friends going out with friends exes. At first I thought maybe I was overreacting about it, but now that I think about it it IS pretty wrong.
squeak Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Hey squeak, thanks for the reply! I think you're probably right that the only way I'll ever be able to forget about her is to get back in touch with her in the future... because so far avoiding her has been completely backfiring. Hopefully I'll be able to do that some time next year (if she doesn't have that boyfriend by then), although I still worry about some kind of retaliation from Kyle. I think that's one of the only things holding me back in pursuing the relationship, the other being that I'm not sure if Lauren would actually believe I loved her. And I'm glad you feel the same way about friends going out with friends exes. At first I thought maybe I was overreacting about it, but now that I think about it it IS pretty wrong. Kyle-bah! Forget about him-what's he going to do? Spread his girly man rumors again? Just look for a new set of friends, by the time any stories make their way to him you'll hopefully be far away from that circle of friends. I believe Lauren will see your sincerity when you tell her this, but timing is really important...you may be shot down if you do it while she is with this guy. And stealing her away may bring up trust issues in the future. It is unfortunate how Kyle masterminded the situation, and created doubt in her for you. It will take some effort on your part to convince her that what he said is not so. Unfortunately, bad "friends" like him lead to stories like this. Now you know what to avoid when seeking new friends in the future. Carpe Diem! (seize the day) (but maybe when she exits the current relationship)
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