dpfindinway Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 My live in partner has just moved out after we had a huge fight. I have been working on my anger and generally I been able to control it. The problem was when her son had to move back in with us after "being told to move out" due to many things but the final straw was stealing money from my bedside table. He moved into his grand fathers and did the same thing, nothing changed no matter what we tried. My frustration got to me in hte end, after 12 mths of trying to help this guy, that i told my partner that she needed to do more to help him, that when she had something like that happening, she put her head in the sand. It didnt come out nicely and I accept that. I understand that she needs or has to help him but previously she has said that she couldnt handle him back in the home, that she has had enough of him, that he has to fix himself, he is 20 yrs old and does nothing to help himself, actually only does things to destroy things that are good in his life. I am feeling lost because I have tried to help him, help her with him but it gets on top of you. she also has 2 little kids that lived her as well as i have one of my kids living here, non of them were a problem, just the usual small stuff. she goes silent and wont talk and then i get frusrated and so the merrygo round starts and we just end up fighting over silly things, both feeling mis understood and not cared for. I love her and she still sasy that she loves me, over text messages but she has decided that she cant live here and has moved out. I have been told by one of her friends that i it is over and that i have to leave her alone, along with some other gems. New to this and just looking for other peoples ideas. Just want to be happy and i know that we can, we have been but we have this thing hanging over our head and i am not / did not handle it too well. thanks for any ideas.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Boy, blended families are tough. Each parent is torn between two obligations - marriage and children, with all the complications of ex's, emotional baggage and visitation thrown into the mix. I think it's important that each spouse take responsibility for parenting their own kids. That your wife doesn't seem to want to do this for her 20 year old son is a guarantee of further problems down the road. You might look for a MC that specializes in step-families... Mr. Lucky
dropdeadlegs Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Can you two still have a relationship without living together for now? It sounds like this man-child is the main source of contention. Our children may grow up, but they never really go away and may need the assistance of a parent from time to time. I, too, have a zero tolerance policy concerning stealing, especially by an older child that completely understands the concept. I also believe that a child who chooses to enter "life" directly out of high school needs to step up to the plate and start swinging their own bat. They don't necessarily have to move out pronto, but they need to be employed and begin saving that hard earned pay towards the costs needed in order to leave the nest. Those who choose to go the higher education route get more slack in my book. Back to you....If she needs to move out to defuse the problems her son is causing for YOU, I can understand that to a degree. He is her responsibility, if he is anyone's at this point. However, with two other children, the behavior of "putting her head in the sand" when things get too tough to handle may not bode well for the future. You may want to think about that and let this break be permanent. BUT, if you think the real problem is with this boy, you could allow the relationship to continue without cohabitating, as I'm sure you did in the early days. People don't have to live together to be happy together. Good luck in any event!
Author dpfindinway Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Thanks to both of you for you ideas. I have been reading some material and have come to the conclusion that I was tryign to fix her problems, not just the son but the usual ex baggage that we all had and I was getting frustrated because of that. I am working on myself at the moment and getting my head around that i cant / dont need to do that, my thinking was that if i did that, she would love & appreciate me more for that but all it did was cause anger. Hard becasue that is what I thought you were supposed to do as a couple.
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