jhutman Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Im 22 yrs old and just have gotten out of the marines. I have been thrualot with the marines and just everyday life. I take life for granted and am very mature about things. I am a very nice guy who knows how to treat a lady and am in my relationship for love. My girl and I moved to VA, not together but before we met we both were so we continued our relationship, although IM in richmond and she is in VA Beach for now. We love each other alot but she has commitment problems and is very independant and still wants to go out and have fun and meet new people and she had told me that from the beginning. Im not saying I dont want her to go out because Imnot like that and I want her too. She has been thru alot of rough relationships but am sure that this isnt the problem. Im just puzzled for once she has a great guy and doesnt want take me seriously as in the relationship. She wants to take things one day at a time and says she is not making any promises. I asked her why she still wants to be with me if she wants it to be like this and she said she loves me and has feelings for me. I know when were together its so perfect. I just love her to death and amnot sure what to do. I just know I feel something different with her than I ever felt before with any other girl. I love everything about her except some of her motives and the way she wants to be now.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I just love her to death and amnot sure what to do. I just know I feel something different with her than I ever felt before with any other girl. I love everything about her except some of her motives and the way she wants to be now. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, my friend, but it just sounds like you are more into her than she is into you. Not an unusual situation, we've all been there, but it can be a tough fix because one person (you, in this case) has so much more emotionally at stake in the relationship that the other person. She's probably a nice girl, likes hanging out with you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth. If you can keep it casual, it's OK to hang in there. However, if you're looking for the "one", probably best to look elsewhere. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear... Mr. Lucky
Trialbyfire Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 When there's emotional inequity within the relationship, it can hurt. Different people invest at different rates and also, some never invest beyond a certain comfort level. If you can handle this type of unbalanced relationship, stay in it. Otherwise, it's time to move on. Keep in mind that you're only 22 and I'm guessing your girl is also close to you age. You've got plenty of time to find someone who can meet your level of commitment. I would recommend you go out and have some fun too by meeting other people so you have more exposure to what's out there for you.
oppath Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I'd agree with TBF. A problem many people have, especially young people, is that once they sense an inequity they push or flip out, and it's largely because they don't feel they possess efficacy, the skills and abilities to find that level of love and intimacy again. Yes, it's cliche to say "you'll find love again", but it is true. It's just hard to believe. It is important to believe this, to believe that you have the skills to obtain the kind of relationship you desire, because you always have to be willing to walk away when your needs are not being met.
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