daterhater Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Almost 3 years ago, I met this guy at a show and we had a really strong, instant connection. We were so smitten, we kissed outside. He was in a band at the time and left for tour that next day. He called me every night while on tour. A month later he was back in town and we hung out for four straight days before he had to leave again. During those four nights, we never did anything but kiss. On the last night together, he had the talk with me. He told me he thought I was amazing, but he can't have a relationship now because he has to put his music career first. Plus he wouldn't be living in the state. So yeah, that was that. I was really sad and left. Since then, I'll see him around town every few months. Usually I'll pretend I don't see him. Won't look in his direction or make eye contact. Last night he was at the same show as me. He was there alone and kept looking over at me. One time we caught eyes, and I quickly looked away. He sent me a text message (he still has my number) saying, "At some point in the night, you're going to have to say hello..." I replied, "hello." Later in the night, I went over to say hi in person. We talked for a few minutes until one of his friends interupted us. I left while they were talking without saying bye. I felt bad, so I texted him again saying, "So, I did say hi. How about that?" He replied, "You did and it was great!" WHAT AM I TO MAKE OF ALL THIS? He told me he's going to be in town for the next two months. Should I e-mail him and apologize for being awkward with him? Should I just ignore this all and go back to my life?
Author daterhater Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 I'm about to write him a big, long e-mail if someone doesn't stop me.
Chinook Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 I'm about to write him a big, long e-mail if someone doesn't stop me.Is it really worth all the heartache you went through when he left town the first time...? I personally think you should walk away. But then again I seem to be offering that advice a lot lately. I don't know your situation but my gut tells me if it were me I would be walking.
Author daterhater Posted July 16, 2007 Author Posted July 16, 2007 Is it really worth all the heartache you went through when he left town the first time...? I personally think you should walk away. But then again I seem to be offering that advice a lot lately. I don't know your situation but my gut tells me if it were me I would be walking. i walked from him almost three years ago and didn't look back. he popped up in my life ever couple months at a show or bar i was at, but i stuck to my guns and didn't give him the time of day. well, if it was unavoidable, i'd say a quick "hello, how are you? gotta go!" i know it probably won't do any good at all, but we had such a connection in the first plcae, i want to see if it would still be there three years later.
Chinook Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 I know it probably won't do any good at all, but we had such a connection in the first plcae, I want to see if it would still be there three years later.You do realise what you're doing here then...? You do realise your own gut is telling you to avoid this guy and you're ignoring it...? I appreciate that emotional connection can be strong, but you have to also take care of yourself. If what you went through 3 years ago wasn't so bad and you didn't mind how much it hurt... then I don't really see what you have to lose. But if it were me, I lost my ex-bf 3 weeks ago and it was a hugely strong emotional connection - so I already know now, nevermind in 3 years...I could never go there again. Not with him or anyone else actually. Sounds cold and bitter. But emotional scarring does hurt. Just be careful and eyes wide open with what you're doing. If it were me, I couldn't do it...but good luck, I hope you find what you're looking for from him.
Author daterhater Posted July 16, 2007 Author Posted July 16, 2007 You do realise what you're doing here then...? You do realise your own gut is telling you to avoid this guy and you're ignoring it...? I appreciate that emotional connection can be strong, but you have to also take care of yourself. If what you went through 3 years ago wasn't so bad and you didn't mind how much it hurt... then I don't really see what you have to lose. But if it were me, I lost my ex-bf 3 weeks ago and it was a hugely strong emotional connection - so I already know now, nevermind in 3 years...I could never go there again. Not with him or anyone else actually. Sounds cold and bitter. But emotional scarring does hurt. Just be careful and eyes wide open with what you're doing. If it were me, I couldn't do it...but good luck, I hope you find what you're looking for from him. You do have a good point. Maybe I'm a dumb, hopeless romantic. I don't know. After our little talk, I had a hard time getting over this guy even though we spent a total of 5 days together. But I got over him and was able to run into him at a show without giving a crap. I was fine ignoring him. It didn't bother me. But last night he looked so sad and lonely and kept looking over at me. I guess maybe part of me wonders if he's matured and feels like an idiot for ever letting me go? I'm curious and that's what makes me want to talk to him now.
garnet Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 You've already texted him once after speaking with him, so that should be enough encouragement for him to contact you again if he really wants to, IMO. When in doubt, WAIT.
Chinook Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 You do have a good point. Maybe I'm a dumb, hopeless romantic. I don't know. After our little talk, I had a hard time getting over this guy even though we spent a total of 5 days together. But I got over him and was able to run into him at a show without giving a crap. I was fine ignoring him. It didn't bother me. But last night he looked so sad and lonely and kept looking over at me. I guess maybe part of me wonders if he's matured and feels like an idiot for ever letting me go? I'm curious and that's what makes me want to talk to him now.Well, I have to say hon, after having recently been in the position of ignoring my own gut instinct...and getting severely burned in the process, I'd say there's no point to putting yourself right back where you were. Also, something else you might think about is even though he has told you he's in town for two months...what has he been doing when he's been around town all the other times...? He didn't look sad and lonely then...? He wasn't trying to get your attention too much then...? Could it be that he has no one else to play with...? I'm just suggesting this because you know, 5 days isn't a great deal of time and you guys wouldn't have really gotten to know each other that well. If my radar were prickling like yours, right now I'd have to trust it. I know what that curiosity is like though. I really wish I didn't!! I don't think this has a good outcome for you though really. I wish I could say I'm just being bitter and cynical but I really don't think I am.
halfarock Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 I live a lifestyle that requires me to bounce around from time to time. As a consequence there have been women in my life who I’ve had to part company with even though we shared affections for each other. Some are happy to see me every time, others just give me the cold shoulder when we run into each other again. It’s what you want. If you want a committed, strictly monogamous relationship then there is a good chance that you will be sorely disappointed. If you want to enjoy your time with a guy that is probably a bit more interesting than most and who you seem to like, go for it. It’s the adventures that make our lives memorable.
Author daterhater Posted July 16, 2007 Author Posted July 16, 2007 I live a lifestyle that requires me to bounce around from time to time. As a consequence there have been women in my life who I’ve had to part company with even though we shared affections for each other. Some are happy to see me every time, others just give me the cold shoulder when we run into each other again. It’s what you want. If you want a committed, strictly monogamous relationship then there is a good chance that you will be sorely disappointed. If you want to enjoy your time with a guy that is probably a bit more interesting than most and who you seem to like, go for it. It’s the adventures that make our lives memorable. Well, since you seem to be similar to this guy with the bouncing around and such.... what would be your motive for texting a girl who has been giving you the cold shoulder for as long as i have? what is the point in communicating NOW? why would he TELL me to say hi when i hadn't for so long?
halfarock Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 If he is free spirited as I am then it becomes exceedingly difficult to commit to a single woman in what I imagine would be a normal relationship. It’s a freedom thing. The Jimi Hendrix song Stone Free addresses this issue quite directly. But being a man I still have the need to love and be loved. Your original description of your relationship reminds me very much of the type of relationships that I have. Especially this line, “During those four nights, we never did anything but kiss.” If he is like me, it is not sex that he is after but that feeling that he gets with only certain women. Often, when I run into a woman, one that I already know, one that I’ve had feelings for; the feelings come rushing back in. It’s the feeling that someone in a normal committed relationship can’t appreciate. If he is like me, then just a glimpse into your eyes and he knows that you still have feelings for him. He doesn’t just know it, he feels it. Just this past Friday, at a party, I ran into a one of “my girls” that I hadn’t seen for quite some time. It took us a few moments to come to the full realization of each other’s presence. It felt really good to see her again, to look into her eyes, to see her smile as only she does.
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