casey.andrews Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Me and my wife of 6 years are seperated. She does claim that she has fallen out of love. She acts as if I do not exist. She is very active as a personality on the net and strongly emphasizes the fact that she is working on the divorce, and even that it did not work out (knowticeably) on her profiles. Phone calls are scarce. It seriously seems like she is trying harder to ignore than a common would... Actually, I would wonder if she has read "Divorce Busting" or something similar.... but I defintly doubt that. She has even told me a few weeks ago "if i really wanted the divorce, you would already have it"... She has told me she doesnt know what she wants. She reminds me we are married (well, nit that I forget, because I dont). She does seem to have major intrests in who I am talking to and seems to be very supportive of it, even making joke about the IM obcessor I have (which I really do...). She also makes everything I see on the net sound like its nothing when we talk. For example (true example), she seems to be in love with an Iraq vet that is due back in the US in August. She does express it dearly on the internet profiles. She has even wrote a blog last weekend declaring she thinks she wants to give him a chance, but recently she deleted the whole blog. Friday night, on the phone, she asked me if I would be her booty call.... no attachment. She does know that I still love her more than all else, so I defintly know she would not tease or taunt my feelings, knowing they are sensitive. I kinda blew it off by being naughty but nice, and just sent her a pic (in which was referred to as a tease)... and we even talked later that night, wishing each other sweet dreams Saturday, she even opened up by telling me about talking to the Iraq vet. And she was very firm about just talking to him.... The difference between telling me and her profile... The more I have been thinking about it has brought much thought Was she serious about it with no attachment ?Did she want my response ?Did she really want to do it to see if I could keep my emotions for her away ?Did she want to do it to see how I would be afterward ? Do not get me wrong: I have been lonely and would love to solute that but I love like the love of my life she is.... I would rather cuddle with feelings than excercise without them. I just kinda get the crazy idea that this (excercise) of all things could bring us closer together again.... I need some thoughts here.... Thanks in advance
kenfrance Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 I don't know, man. It seems your heart is still in it too strongly. You may get hurt and that is not what you need at this moment in your life. She has got issues that allows her to control you and this FWB situation is still leaving her in a position of control. Take it easy and think it through carefully.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Friday night, on the phone, she asked me if I would be her booty call.... no attachment. That means that she intends to use you for comfort and sex between boyfriends, until something better comes along and she no longer has need of you. I wish I could tell you that she cares about your feelings, but when someone tells you something like this it means one thing and one thing only: they don't give a rat's ass about your feelings and needs - its all about what works best for them and you can either take it or leave it. Hopefully you can work this out, get this festering infection of a woman out of your heart and move on. You will know no greater feeling of freedom than the day you wake up and are indifferent to her.
PWSX3 Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 I would say she is telling you the truth about she doesn't know what she wants because it sounds like she doesn't know. She sounds like someone I know, they can never make plans because they want to wait and see if something else better is coming down the line. I see her using you as a back up, she still wants to keep you on the back burner so after she goes out & sees what is out there & nothing looks good to her she knows she can always come back to you. Me & my W separated & I read books, I found this great site & I talked to friends. My W moved out, talked to one friend & as far as I know that was it so maybe they can deal with it better then we can or they know more then we do. Because of my situation I just wonder if they figure we will change & then everything will be O.K. They don't see it as they are part of the problem as well. You might have to do like they talk about here & do the tough love, start living your life as though she is not part of it. Work at making yourself a better person. Once you W sees you are able to live without you & are doing O.K. then you will see a change in her. The reason she is keeping tabs on you is just that, making sure you aren't doing better then she is. She is making keeping just enough contact to keep you interested but not giving you the truth of what is really going on. When she calls don't answer the phone, let her go to voice mail. If it is important she will leave a message & then "YOU" decide if it is worth calling her back. I wouldn't be checking up on her on the internet either, just another way she is getting to you, instead go to the gym, go out with friends....... Separation is a hard time & very confusing but the only person you should & can worry about is yourself. Once the W sees you are doing O.K. (pretend if you have to when you are around her) things will change, she will probably get mad because you are doing O.K. and tell you everything that is going wrong is your fault & you aren't trying, etc. etc.
norajane Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 She's playing you and manipulating you and the f*ck buddy thing is her using you. You obviously love her, but that's no reason to let her lead you around by the nose and keep you as her back up if she doesn't find someone better. She sounds pretty self-centered and selfish. If she doesn't know what she wants, she wouldn't be hurting you like this. She'd be trying to make things work with you until she knew either way whether it would or not. She wouldn't be out there trolling for men, while keeping you hot on the back burner. Try to see beyond your feelings for her - if a friend of yours or your brother were being treated this way by his wife, what would you tell him?
Author casey.andrews Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 if a friend of yours or your brother were being treated this way by his wife, what would you tell him? That is so true... Of course if I did not have my feelings involved, I may see this scenario more for what it is . . . . Thank you all for the replies. I am absorbing and still reading them Be Well
Gunny376 Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 She's not only playing you for a fool ~ she's using and abusing you. The only way t handle this situatioin is to "man-up" and let her know that your not a man to have your feelings and emotions trifled with. That you don't play this BS game she's playing with you. Obviously you're already familiar witht the "Divorce Busting" 30's rules ~ invoke them immediately. She's dis-respecting you, and she's commiting adultry ~ albiet even if its only "virtual" I've been where you've been, and its only a question of time before she throws you under the bus. She's out shopping for a replacement for you ~ just that plain and just that damn simple. She doesn't have any freaking respect for you ~ but if I were you ~ by the time I got done with her little azz ~ she'd respect me. She wouldn't be playing me like a puppet on a string. Good God, Man! Barney Fife wouldn't put up with this crap! Man-up and kick this gal to the curb like she was a bad habit! When all this is said and done, and the pots been boiled out to the bottom, and all the smoke and steam has cleared ~ all this means is that you've got to get off your azz and go find you some new puddin'! What one woman will abuse? Another can certainly use! This is 2007 for crying out loud! You've obvisouly have access to a computer. Aside from the dating sites such as they advertise on TV, there are sites where not only men are looking for just sex, but women are to? A friend (a woman no less!) of mine e-mailed me a link to one ~ and it made my jaw drop, and eyes bug out! I thought I'd seen and heard it all! And I'm a retired United States Marine! that's been all over the world. Apparently there's not only a Jack for every Jill ~ there's a "freak for every freak" If it were me? I give her yellow highlighted map of how to get from TN to Panama City, FL, and when she asked why I was giving it to her? I'd tell her azz ~ so you can go there, go to the beach, and pound sand in your azz! See Ya ~ wouldn't want to be ya! And then I'd get busy living life large! So many women ~ so little time!
Reckless Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Do you want to be used? okay, even if (in your delicate state the answer is maybe) do you want to feel WORSE than you do now? because after she has scratched that particular itch, she will toss you away like a used rag and be calm enough to wait for the other guy - to see what, if anything, comes of that. You really need to try and get out (even though you may not feel like it) read about recovering from a divorce/separation and try and see the insulting offer for what it is: I care less about your feelings, and you are off less value to me, than a paid escort (except with you I won't have to pay). Sorry, really sorry to be so harsh but sometimes its the only way, Courage, R
tk180days Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Not to be rude - I'm new to this place and in the middle of my own stuff. But I agree she is using you for her needs. If it just happened maybe it would be different. When my H and I separated we agreed no other people and no sexual contact with each other - that is a privilege of marriage.I think that shows we 'DO' still care & love another and respect the emotional side of each other. I know how tough the separation stuff is - my advise do what is morally right. That which will allow you to sleep at night and most importantly keep yourself respect. No matter what happens you can look back at your life and know you gave it your best effort. Best of luck - stay busy that helps a ton!
Author casey.andrews Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 Everyday since then I have felt more and more burnt... and also felt better without her The whole situation made me feel pretty low... because I have alot more to offer. I wouldn't keep her on a back burner. I don't want to hurt her any worse than she is. So I don't think I deserve this treatment. I rather offer what I have to someone that will appreciate it, and I am sure that will come in time. Well, if she wanted to FWB without attachment, I could probally actually do that now, because she has totally scarred any sweet emotions I had left for her. lol Thanks to all
Snuggle Tiger Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 Wife wants to try being a FWB? I have but two words for you.... Grudge f*ck :sick: -------------------------------------- I just know I am going to get flamed for that.... -------------------------------------- With you there are none of the worries about sex with someone new like taking your clothing off with a stranger or worries about STD's, so perhaps she just wants an orgasm and you are safe. So what is her motive? Maybe she is regretting her decision. Maybe she wants to get pregnant. If all she wants is sex and nothing more, sleeping with her is going to rub salt in the wounds. Oh, I just thought of two more words! :sick::sick::sick: DoNkEy PuNcH! :sick::sick::sick: Oh, man, I am going to hell.....
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